This Band 5.5 IELTS essay discusses the relocation of businesses to rural areas. While it addresses key points like reduced traffic congestion and housing benefits, the arguments are overly simplistic and lack depth. Key areas for improvement include developing ideas further and enhancing cohesion between paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) Β· Urban Planning Β· 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
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Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count (263 words) and addresses the prompt by agreeing with the relocation of businesses to rural areas. However, the arguments are simplistic and lack depth, with no counterarguments or nuanced discussion. Significant spelling and grammatical errors, limited vocabulary range, and weak cohesion reduce the overall effectiveness. The essay is clear but underdeveloped, resulting in a Band 5.5 overall.
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It is always suggested that moving large corporations and industries from heavy populated mertopolitans to countryside is a better alternative to reduce traffic congestion and the housing issues. I completely agree with this solution since it promotes regional development and reduces the city density.
When large scale industries are relocated in rural locations, it helps to slow down traffic congestion as well as housing problems. As people move to regional areas, more space is created and house rentals are reduced, which is importantly benificail for the residents. Moreover, traffic ques are no longer a major barrier in daily transportation, because of the low crowd who are remaining in major cities. The divastating rides with traffic are reduced with less vehicles.
In terms of job market, relocating large corporations in rural regions supply a considerable career oppotunities for the population living there. As contryside provides large spaces for buildings, apartments and accomodations which are essential for vast investments, the working areas can be spaciously planned, which attract more staff to work leisurely.
Not only leisure working environment, but the lower crowded roads also helps the mental relaxation of the workers in the industries. The pressure of driving in a traffic congestion in a major city is not experienced in countyside. instead, the rides in less populated roads supports the tranquility of life after a hectic workload of the working environment.
To sum up, when the given factors are considered, I firmly believe that relocating large businesses and industries with their workers to rural lands is really benifitial in both sides: traffic congestion and housing.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
9 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| mertopolitans | metropolitans |
| benificail | beneficial |
| ques | queues |
| divastating | devastating |
| contryside | countryside |
| accomodations | accommodations |
| oppotunities | opportunities |
| countyside | countryside |
| benifitial | beneficial |
Grammatical Mistakes
8 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| heavy populated | heavily populated | Adverb needed before adjective 'populated' |
| to countryside | to the countryside | Missing definite article 'the' |
| the housing issues | housing issues | Unnecessary definite article in general reference |
| low crowd who are remaining | fewer people who remain | 'Crowd' is singular; 'fewer people' is countable; 'are remaining' should be present tense 'remain' |
| less vehicles | fewer vehicles | 'Vehicles' is countable, so use 'fewer' instead of 'less' |
| supply a considerable career oppotunities | supplies considerable career opportunities | Subject-verb agreement: 'relocating' is singular, so 'supplies'; also remove 'a' before plural 'opportunities' |
| Not only leisure working environment, but the lower crowded roads also helps | Not only a leisure working environment, but also the less crowded roads help | Missing article 'a'; 'lower crowded' should be 'less crowded'; subject 'roads' plural, so 'help' not 'helps'; also 'also' misplaced |
| in both sides | on both sides | Preposition 'in' is incorrect; use 'on' with 'sides' |
Vocabulary Improvements
8 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| heavy populated | densely populated | 'Heavily populated' is acceptable but 'densely populated' is more precise and academic |
| importantly beneficial | very beneficial | 'Importantly' is not typically used as an intensifier; 'very' or 'highly' is more appropriate |
| low crowd | small population | 'Crowd' is informal and implies a group of people; 'population' is more formal and accurate in context |
| divastating rides | frustrating commutes | 'Devastating' is too strong; 'frustrating' is more appropriate, and 'rides' should be 'commutes' for work travel |
| supply ... opportunities | provide ... opportunities | 'Supply' is used for goods; 'provide' is the correct collocation with 'opportunities' |
| work leisurely | work in a relaxed environment | 'Leisurely' as an adverb is rare; rephrase to convey the intended meaning clearly |
| lower crowded roads | less congested roads | 'Lower crowded' is awkward; 'less congested' is the standard phrase for traffic |
| helps the mental relaxation | promotes mental relaxation | 'Helps' is vague; 'promotes' is more precise and academic |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
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Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay clearly states agreement with the given opinion and provides relevant reasons such as reduced traffic congestion, lower housing costs, and rural job opportunities. However, the response is superficial, lacking detailed examples or a balanced perspective. The ideas are repeated rather than developed, and there is no exploration of potential drawbacks.
Examples
The first body paragraph mentions 'slow down traffic congestion' and 'house rentals are reduced' but does not explain how or provide evidence. The second body paragraph talks about 'considerable career opportunities' but remains vague.
How to Improve
To improve, develop each point with specific examples or data. Address possible counterarguments (e.g., infrastructure challenges, worker reluctance) to show a deeper understanding of the issue. Aim for a more balanced argument, even if agreeing.
Coherence & Cohesion5.5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Some cohesive devices are used (e.g., 'When', 'In terms of', 'Not only'), but transitions are often abrupt, and paragraphing is not always logical. Ideas within paragraphs are not always clearly connected, and the flow is disrupted by awkward phrasing.
Examples
The second paragraph mixes traffic and housing issues without clear separation. The phrase 'As contryside provides large spaces...' is poorly linked to the previous sentence. The conclusion is repetitive but functional.
How to Improve
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each paragraph. Improve logical flow by using a wider range of linking words (e.g., 'furthermore', 'consequently', 'on the other hand'). Ensure each paragraph focuses on one main idea with supporting details.
Lexical Resource5.5
Evaluation
The vocabulary is limited and contains several spelling errors (e.g., 'mertopolitans', 'benificail', 'ques', 'divastating', 'oppotunities', 'countyside'). There is some attempt at higher-level vocabulary ('tranquility', 'hectic workload'), but overall range is narrow and repetition occurs. Collocations are often incorrect.
Examples
'traffic ques' should be 'traffic queues'; 'the low crowd who are remaining' is awkward. 'Countryside' is misspelled as 'countyside'. The word 'benifitial' appears in the conclusion.
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary by reading model essays and topic-related texts. Practice using synonyms for common words (e.g., 'reduce' β 'alleviate', 'decrease'). Proofread for spelling errors and use a dictionary to check word forms. Aim for more precise and varied expressions.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
The grammar is often inaccurate, with frequent spelling errors, incorrect word forms, and awkward sentence structures. The essay relies mainly on simple sentences, and attempts at complex structures are unsuccessful. Errors in subject-verb agreement and article use are present, and punctuation is sometimes missing.
Examples
The divastating rides with traffic are reduced with less vehicles' is grammatically unclear. 'As contryside provides large spaces for buildings, apartments and accomodations which are essential for vast investments, the working areas can be spaciously planned' is a run-on sentence. 'the low crowd who are remaining in major cities' uses incorrect relative clause.
How to Improve
Focus on mastering basic sentence structures and verb tenses. Practice writing complex sentences with correct subordination. Review common spelling mistakes (e.g., 'accommodation', 'beneficial'). Use grammar-checking tools and seek feedback on errors. Write shorter, clearer sentences initially.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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