This Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay on dangerous sports addresses the topic with a partially agree stance. However, clarity is hindered by underdeveloped arguments and frequent language errors. Improve your writing by focusing on detailed reasoning and clearer examples.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) Β· Sports Β· 40 min
Some people argue that dangerous sports should be banned due to the potential for serious injuries. To what extent do you agree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count (254 words) and addresses the topic with a partially agree stance. However, arguments are underdeveloped, and frequent language errors in spelling, grammar, and cohesion reduce clarity and impact.
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It is often argued that extreme sports should be banned due to the potential for serious injuries. Although dangerous sports are harmful sometimes ,I partially agree that such sports should not be banned totally as they can be played harness and monitoring" title="Correction: with a harness and monitoring">with harness and monitoring because they help people to overcome fear, develop more confidence and become financially stable.
On the one hand, many people argue that sports are a form of entertainment played for physical activities not injuries.There are numbers of sports which are safer and more entertaning, whereas adventurous sports have greater chance of accident resulting serioius injuries and disabilty. For instance, in 2010, a sky diver in Pokhara felt a major accident while playing. In the accident he lost his legs after falling from a height of 2000 feets.Such accidents are occuring regularly in such sports, and people have been protesting to stop such games where the life is in risk.
On the other hand, some people also believe that exciting games like racing, sky diving, and wrestling encourage people to face new challenges and motivated the audience to great extent. Nowadays, diffrent equipements harness and safety helmets" title="Correction: such as harness and safety helmets">such as harness, and safety helmets are used to reduce the accidents. As per bussiness perspective, dangerous sports have greater oppurtunity to increase income. For example, Formula 1 race is the most viewed sports, where a rider got massive amount competing in a single match.
In conclusion, games have fewer injuries" title="Correction: while safer games have fewer injuries">while playing safer games have less injuries,but dangerous sports have greater oppurtunities. Both games should be played in safer and easier way.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
10 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| entertaning | entertaining |
| serioius | serious |
| disabilty | disability |
| feets | feet |
| occuring | occurring |
| diffrent | different |
| equipements | equipment |
| bussiness | business |
| oppurtunity | opportunity |
| oppurtunities | opportunities |
Grammatical Mistakes
21 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| harmful sometimes ,I | harmful sometimes, I | Comma placement error; no space before comma |
| with harness and monitoring | with a harness and monitoring | Article missing before 'harness' |
| played for physical activities not injuries | played for physical activities, not injuries | Missing comma before contrast |
| numbers of sports | a number of sports | Incorrect quantifier; 'a number of' means several |
| greater chance of accident | a greater chance of accidents | Article missing and noun should be plural for general sense |
| resulting serioius injuries | resulting in serious injuries | Preposition 'in' missing |
| felt a major accident | had a major accident | Verb choice error; 'feel' is not used for accidents |
| In the accident he | In the accident, he | Comma missing after introductory phrase |
| where the life is in risk | where lives are at risk | Article and preposition error; 'at risk' is correct |
| and motivated the audience | and motivate the audience | Parallel verb form; should match 'encourage' in base form |
| to great extent | to a great extent | Article missing |
| such as harness, and safety helmets | such as harness and safety helmets | Unnecessary comma in a list |
| reduce the accidents | reduce accidents | Definite article not needed for general nouns |
| As per bussiness perspective | From a business perspective | Prepositional phrase error; 'as per' is not standard here |
| have greater oppurtunity | have a greater opportunity | Article missing |
| the most viewed sports | the most viewed sport | Subject-verb agreement; 'sport' should be singular to match 'Formula 1 race' |
| got massive amount | earns a massive amount | Informal verb and article missing |
| competing in a single match | competing in a single race | 'Match' is not the correct term for Formula 1; 'race' is appropriate |
| while playing safer games have less injuries | while safer games have fewer injuries | Sentence structure error and 'less' should be 'fewer' for countable nouns |
| injuries,but | injuries, but | Comma missing before 'but' |
| in safer and easier way | in a safer and easier way | Article missing |
Vocabulary Improvements
9 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| felt a major accident | experienced a major accident | 'Felt' is not collocated with 'accident'; 'experienced' is more appropriate |
| the life is in risk | lives are at risk | 'At risk' is the correct collocation, and 'lives' is more precise than 'the life' |
| As per bussiness perspective | From a business perspective | 'As per' is informal; 'from a ... perspective' is more academic |
| got massive amount | earns a substantial amount | 'Got' is informal; 'earns' is more formal. 'Massive' is vague; 'substantial' is better |
| match | race | For Formula 1, 'race' is the standard term, not 'match' |
| games | sports | In context, 'sports' is more precise than 'games' for activities like racing and skydiving |
| financially stable | achieve financial stability | More precise phrasing for the idea of earning income from sports |
| harness | safety harness | More specific term for equipment used in extreme sports |
| monitoring | supervision | 'Supervision' is more appropriate in safety contexts than 'monitoring' |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay presents a clear position (partial agreement) and provides relevant main points (e.g., overcoming fear, safety equipment, financial benefits). However, ideas are not fully extended or supported with detailed explanation. Examples are given but lack depth and analysis.
Examples
Mentions a sky diving accident in Pokhara and Formula 1 racing as examples, but does not elaborate on how these support the argument effectively.
How to Improve
Develop each paragraph with more detailed reasoning. Explain how dangerous sports help overcome fear or lead to financial stability. Provide more context for examples and discuss their relevance to the argument.
Coherence & Cohesion5.5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Cohesive devices like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' are used, but connections between sentences are sometimes weak. Paragraphing is logical, but punctuation errors and abrupt transitions affect flow.
Examples
Missing spaces after periods (e.g., '2000 feets.Such accidents'), and the conclusion uses a comma splice ('while playing safer games have less injuries,but dangerous sports...').
How to Improve
Use a wider range of linking words (e.g., 'furthermore', 'in contrast') to improve flow. Ensure correct punctuation and paragraph transitions. Proofread to fix spacing issues and run-on sentences.
Lexical Resource5.5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive, with several spelling errors. Some topic-related terms are used (e.g., 'harness', 'monitoring'), but word choice is often imprecise.
Examples
Misspellings: 'entertaning' (entertaining), 'serioius' (serious), 'disabilty' (disability), 'occuring' (occurring), 'diffrent' (different), 'equipements' (equipment), 'bussiness' (business), 'oppurtunity' (opportunity). Repetition of 'dangerous sports'.
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary by learning synonyms (e.g., 'risky sports', 'extreme activities'). Practice correct spelling and use a dictionary or spell-check. Avoid overusing the same terms.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
Grammatical structures are predominantly simple, with frequent errors in punctuation, word form, and sentence construction. Errors occasionally hinder understanding.
Examples
Incorrect plural form 'feets' (feet), comma splice in conclusion, missing article in 'such sports should not be banned totally', and tense inconsistency ('motivated' should be 'motivate').
How to Improve
Work on using complex sentences (e.g., relative clauses, conditional structures). Focus on subject-verb agreement, correct punctuation, and proofreading. Review grammar rules for articles and tense consistency.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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