This Band 5.5 IELTS essay discusses the controversial topic of banning dangerous sports. While it effectively addresses the prompt, it suffers from coherence and grammatical inaccuracies that hinder clarity. Improving these aspects could elevate the essay's overall quality.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) Β· Sports Β· 40 min
Some people argue that dangerous sports should be banned due to the potential for serious injuries. To what extent do you agree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count (265 words) and addresses the prompt, stating agreement and providing reasons. However, the position is not fully developed, and the argument lacks depth. Coherence is adequate but marred by weak links and occasional unclear ideas. Lexical range is limited with noticeable spelling errors, and grammatical accuracy is low, with frequent mistakes in sentence structure and verb forms. Overall, the essay demonstrates a mixed performance typical of a Band 5.5.
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Many individuals believe that dangerous sports should be banned due to the potential for serious injuries. I agree with this statements for a greater extent, because the injuries caused by dangerous sports can negatively affect athletes future and this can affect their families as well.
One of the primary reason i agree with this satements is dangerous sports can negatively affect athletes future. This is because while participating, there is a huge chance that they get seriously injured by the opponent. This can even end up in bedridden or dead. For example, sports like MMA fights, candidates get injuries like broken bones or spinal damages, which can result in their career end. Moreover, These can be affect to their families as well. This is due to that whatever happens during the game, the candidate was taken care by the family members. As a result, members can not go to their jobs and endup in finacially unstable.
However, the athletes who participate in dangerous sports have their own choise. So no one can force them to stop it, eventhough it hurts them. Additionally, the exitement and adrenaline during these kind of sports are unmeasurable. As a result, athletes choose to participate these kind of sports over and over again. For instance, during an boxing fight, cadidates will never giveup eventhough they get injured or became week. They stay until the game was over.
In conclusion, Althrough dangerous sports gives an exitement and thrill, I ultimately believe that these kind of sports should be banned for the safety of the cadidates sake of the family members" title="Correction: and for the sake of the family members">and sake of the family members.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
11 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| satements | statements |
| finacially | financially |
| choise | choice |
| eventhough | even though |
| exitement | excitement |
| cadidates | candidates |
| giveup | give up |
| week | weak |
| althrough | although |
| endup | end up |
| Althrough | Although |
Grammatical Mistakes
19 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| this statements | this statement | Subject-verb agreement: 'this' requires singular noun 'statement'. |
| for a greater extent | to a great extent | Incorrect preposition; use 'to a great extent'. |
| athletes future | athletes' future | Missing possessive apostrophe for plural noun. |
| One of the primary reason | One of the primary reasons | After 'one of the', the noun should be plural. |
| i agree | I agree | First-person pronoun must be capitalized. |
| this satements | this statement | Same as above; 'this' requires singular noun. |
| end up in bedridden or dead | end up bedridden or dead | Unnecessary preposition 'in' after 'end up'. |
| result in their career end | result in the end of their career | Incorrect phrasing; 'career end' should be 'the end of their career'. |
| These can be affect to their families | These can affect their families | Incorrect verb form; remove 'be' and 'to'. |
| This is due to that | This is because | Non-standard phrase; replace with 'because'. |
| the candidate was taken care by the family members | the candidate is taken care of by family members | Missing 'of' in phrasal verb; also tense consistency to present. |
| members can not go to their jobs and endup in finacially unstable | family members cannot go to their jobs and end up financially unstable | Clarify subject; correct 'endup' to 'end up', remove 'in'. |
| these kind of sports | these kinds of sports | Plural determiner requires plural noun 'kinds'. |
| participate these kind of sports | participate in these kinds of sports | Missing preposition 'in' and plural noun. |
| during an boxing fight | during a boxing fight | Use 'a' before consonant sound. |
| became week | become weak | Tense inconsistency; use present tense 'become' and correct spelling 'weak'. |
| They stay until the game was over | They stay until the game is over | Tense consistency: use present 'is' to match 'stay'. |
| Althrough dangerous sports gives an exitement and thrill | Although dangerous sports give excitement and thrill | Spelling; subject-verb agreement: 'sports' plural requires 'give'; remove unnecessary article 'an'. |
| and sake of the family members | and for the sake of the family members | Missing preposition 'for'. |
Vocabulary Improvements
14 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| for a greater extent | to a great extent | Incorrect collocation; use 'to a great extent' for more natural academic phrasing. |
| huge chance | significant risk | 'Huge chance' is informal and vague; 'significant risk' is more precise and academic. |
| get seriously injured | sustain serious injuries | 'Get' is informal; 'sustain' is more formal and appropriate in academic writing. |
| end up in bedridden or dead | become bedridden or die | Awkward phrasing; clearer alternative is 'become bedridden or die'. |
| candidates | athletes or participants | 'Candidates' is inappropriate for sports; 'athletes' or 'participants' is better. |
| career end | end of their career | Unnatural phrasing; 'end of their career' is standard. |
| due to that | because | Non-standard; 'because' is simpler and more correct. |
| taken care by | taken care of | Missing preposition 'of'; phrasal verb requires it. |
| these kind of sports | these types of sports | 'Kind' is vague; 'type' is more specific. Also correct plural agreement. |
| unmeasurable | immeasurable | 'Immeasurable' is the standard adjective for something that cannot be measured; 'unmeasurable' is less common. |
| giveup | give up | Informal compound; standard two-word phrasal verb. |
| an exitement | excitement | Uncountable noun; does not require an article. |
| sake of | for the sake of | Missing preposition 'for'; correct phrase is 'for the sake of'. |
| spinal damages | spinal damage | 'Damage' is uncountable; use singular. |
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Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay responds to the question by stating agreement and gives two main reasons (impact on athletes' future and families) plus a brief counterargument. However, the extent of agreement is not clearly nuanced, and the supporting points are underdeveloped and generic. The conclusion is clear but does not fully reflect the 'to what extent' requirement.
Examples
Agreement is stated as 'for a greater extent', but the essay then argues for a complete ban, lacking a balanced discussion. Examples (MMA, boxing) are mentioned but not elaborated.
How to Improve
Develop each point more fully with specific details or statistics. Clarify the degree of agreement and address possible counterarguments more systematically. Use a clear thesis statement that indicates the extent of your position.
Coherence & Cohesion6
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure: introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Transition words like 'One of the primary reason', 'However', and 'In conclusion' are used but with errors (e.g., missing article). Ideas are loosely connected, and some sentences are confusing (e.g., 'These can be affect to their families'). Paragraphing is acceptable but lacks logical flow between points.
Examples
The first body paragraph jumps from injury risk to family impact without a smooth transition. The second body paragraph introduces a counterargument but does not link it well to the main argument.
How to Improve
Use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., 'furthermore', 'on the other hand', 'as a result') accurately. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas are logically sequenced. Proofread to avoid unclear pronoun references.
Lexical Resource5.5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is basic and repetitive (e.g., 'dangerous sports' used multiple times). There are several spelling errors (e.g., 'satements', 'choise', 'exitement', 'cadidates', 'finacially', 'week' for 'weak') and wrong word forms (e.g., 'unmeasurable' instead of 'immeasurable'). Some attempts at less common words ('adrenaline', 'spinal damages') are positive but not enough to lift the score.
Examples
Errors: 'This can be affect to their families' (should be 'affect their families'), 'endup in finacially unstable' (should be 'end up financially unstable'), 'eventhough' (even though).
How to Improve
Expand active vocabulary by learning topic-specific terms (e.g., 'risk-taking', 'regulation', 'physical harm', 'personal autonomy'). Use a dictionary to check spelling and collocation. Practice writing with synonyms to avoid repetition.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
Grammatical accuracy is weak. Frequent errors include subject-verb agreement ('reason i agree'), incorrect verb forms ('can be affect', 'became week'), missing articles, and word order problems ('cadidates will never giveup'). Sentence structures are mostly simple or have flawed complex attempts (e.g., 'even though they get injured or became week'). Punctuation is inconsistent.
Examples
'One of the primary reason i agree with this satements' β missing 's' on 'reasons', wrong capitalisation. 'the candidate was taken care by the family members' β missing 'of' (taken care of). 'Althrough dangerous sports gives an exitement and thrill' β 'Although' misspelled, subject-verb agreement error (sports give).
How to Improve
Review basic grammar rules: subject-verb agreement, tenses (especially past/present), and articles. Practice writing complex sentences using subordinators (e.g., 'although', 'because') correctly. Use grammar check tools and get feedback on error patterns.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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