Achieving a Band 5.5 in the IELTS Writing Task 2 can be challenging, especially when discussing complex topics like parenting roles. This essay highlights coherence issues and includes an off-topic example that affects clarity, providing insights for improvement. Review the feedback to enhance your writing skills.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) · Family · 40 min
Some people believe that women are naturally better parents than men, which explains why they often assume greater responsibility for raising children. Others argue that men are equally capable of parenting. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count of 277 words and addresses the prompt by discussing both views and stating an opinion. However, it includes an irrelevant example (minoxidil and finasteride for hair loss) that detracts from the argument. Lexical and grammatical errors are frequent, affecting clarity and cohesion.
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Rasing a child often considered as woman's responsibility, which is not true. Healthy parenting ofthen involves few specific elliments form both the sides. This essy will discuss both the views and debunk to come up to a conclusion.
For a child, mothers are probably the first thing that a child see when they born. Eventually they learn all the fundamentals form their mothers. Thus the healthy growth of a child significantly depends on moms. For example, in Islam it highly encouraged to learn proper behaviour, good manners, morale etc form mother in an early age. One saying goes like, a mother with wisdom; can rase a child with wisdom too. This is the reason mothres are kept one of the highest and respected position as an individual.
Nevertheless, some people argue that men are equally good in rasing childrens, because parenting is not all about the care and the wormth of mother. It has other aspects too. Pareting involves essential eliments such as fininancial support, security, protection etc. An unparelleld support can truly came from if the both sides alignes. Moreover, men do also want to feel an sense of accomplishment in rising their own child. For instance, if you want to improve your receading hairline, you might use minoxidil or finastride but they compliment each other. It is far better to use both rather than a single for better results.
I belive that, women's role as a parent is far more cricial for rasing a child compared to men. But, i do strongly agree with the fact that, they both compliment each others. thus the child can be raised well the supports from both the sides.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
18 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| Rasing | Raising |
| ofthen | often |
| elliments | elements |
| form | from |
| essy | essay |
| mothres | mothers |
| childrens | children |
| wormth | warmth |
| Pareting | Parenting |
| fininancial | financial |
| unparelleld | unparalleled |
| alignes | align |
| rising | raising |
| receading | receding |
| finastride | finasteride |
| belive | believe |
| cricial | crucial |
| compliment | complement |
Grammatical Mistakes
13 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| a child see | a child sees | Subject-verb agreement: 'a child' is singular, so verb should be 'sees' |
| when they born | when they are born | Missing verb 'are'; passive voice required for birth |
| it highly encouraged | it is highly encouraged | Missing verb 'is'; passive construction needed |
| form mother in an early age | from the mother at an early age | Preposition error: 'in' should be 'at' for age; article 'the' needed for mother |
| mothres are kept one of the highest and respected position | mothers are held in one of the highest and most respected positions | Verb 'kept' is inappropriate; 'held' is better. 'Position' should be plural for 'mothers', and 'respected' should be 'most respected' for superlative |
| men are equally good in rasing childrens | men are equally good at raising children | Preposition 'in' should be 'at' for skill; 'childrens' is incorrect plural form |
| the care and the wormth of mother | the care and warmth of a mother | Article 'a' needed for singular noun 'mother'; spelling corrected for 'warmth' |
| An unparelleld support can truly came from if the both sides alignes | Unparalleled support can truly come if both sides align | Verb 'came' should be base form 'come'; 'alignes' should be 'align'; 'the both sides' should be 'both sides' |
| an sense of accomplishment | a sense of accomplishment | Article 'an' should be 'a' before consonant sound 's' |
| in rising their own child | in raising their own child | 'Rising' is incorrect; 'raising' is the correct verb for bringing up a child |
| compared to men | compared to men's | Lack of parallelism; should compare possessive forms (e.g., women's role to men's role) |
| they both compliment each others | they both complement each other | 'Each others' is incorrect; 'each other' is the standard phrase |
| thus the child can be raised well the supports from both the sides | Thus, the child can be raised well with support from both sides | Missing preposition 'with'; 'supports' should be singular 'support' as uncountable noun |
Vocabulary Improvements
6 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| moms | mothers | Informal term; use 'mothers' for formal writing |
| etc | and so on | Vague and informal; in academic writing, avoid abbreviations like 'etc.' for clarity |
| debunk | discuss | Inappropriate word choice; 'debunk' means to expose falsehoods, while the essay aims to discuss views |
| compliment | complement | Wrong word; 'compliment' means praise, while 'complement' means to complete or enhance mutually |
| each others | each other | Incorrect phrase; 'each other' is the standard form for mutual reference |
| if you want to improve your receading hairline | if one wants to improve a receding hairline | Informal use of 'you'; replace with 'one' or more formal phrasing for academic style |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5.5
Evaluation
The essay presents a position that women's role is more critical but both parents complement each other, which partially addresses the prompt. However, ideas are underdeveloped, and an off-topic example weakens the argument.
Examples
The example from Islam about learning from mothers is relevant, but the comparison to hair loss treatments (minoxidil and finasteride) is irrelevant and confusing.
How to Improve
Stay focused on the topic by using only relevant examples. Develop each point with clearer explanations and ensure all arguments directly support the main position.
Coherence & Cohesion5.5
Evaluation
There is a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, but cohesion is disrupted by grammatical errors and awkward transitions.
Examples
The shift from discussing mothers to the hair loss example is abrupt. Sentences like 'Moreover, men do also want to feel an sense of accomplishment...' are poorly connected.
How to Improve
Use linking words (e.g., 'however,' 'furthermore') to improve flow. Organize paragraphs around single main ideas and ensure logical progression between sentences.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is limited and repetitive, with frequent spelling errors that hinder communication.
Examples
Misspellings such as 'rasing' (raising), 'childrens' (children), 'wormth' (warmth), 'fininancial' (financial), and 'compliment' (complement).
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary related to parenting and family roles. Use a dictionary or spell-check to avoid errors, and practice using words accurately in context.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
Grammatical errors are pervasive, including issues with subject-verb agreement, tenses, articles, and word order, which reduce clarity.
Examples
Incorrect: 'a child see when they born' (should be 'a child sees when they are born'); 'if the both sides alignes' (should be 'if both sides align'); 'an sense' (should be 'a sense').
How to Improve
Review basic grammar rules, especially verb forms, articles, and pluralization. Practice writing complex sentences with correct structure and proofread carefully.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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