This Band 5.5 IELTS essay discusses relocating businesses to solve urban issues. While it addresses the topic, clarity and coherence in argumentation could be improved.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) · Urban Planning · 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: Hello User, the essay partially addresses the task but lacks depth and clarity in some arguments. While it meets the word count requirement of 267 words, the development of ideas is not comprehensive, and there are issues with coherence, lexical choice, and grammatical accuracy.
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Some people believe that moving large businesses, industries and their employees could help address problems such as traffic congestion and housing shortages in major urban areas. I partially agree with this opinion as it can highly affect the lives of people living a peaceful life in rural areas.
To begin with, relocating large businesses and industries along with their workers from cities to rural areas can significantly reduce the issues of traffic congestion and housing issues. By moving to rural areas, the traffic will be reduced as the employees would not be there to rush to work. The employees will move to rural areas to join work and leave their houses, this will resolve the housing issues. The number of vehicles on road will decrease, it will slightly the lower the pollution and make the traffic flow smooth. Therefore, this can improve life in urban areas and also creating employment opportunities for people of villages.
However, the moving of businesses and industries is not a complete solution to this problem. This is costly and impractical process. Many companies relying on infrastructure and work power will not be satisfied. Many employees will be unwilling to leave the city and move to villages because of limited resources and education. Therefore, government should invest in urban areas making public transport easy, improve housing societies instead of relocation to rural areas.
In conclusion, relocating big businesses and industries to rural areas can improve housing issues, reduce traffic in urban areas but this is not the complete solution. Government should take necessary steps to solve these problems and also improve rural life.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Grammatical Mistakes
4 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| it will slightly the lower the pollution | it will slightly lower the pollution | Redundant article: 'the' is unnecessary in this context |
| also creating employment opportunities | also create employment opportunities | Parallel structure: 'creating' should match 'can improve' in tense and form |
| this is costly and impractical process | this is a costly and impractical process | Article needed: 'a' is needed before 'costly' |
| government should invest in urban areas making public transport easy | the government should invest in urban areas to make public transport accessible | Article usage and improved phrasing for clarity |
Vocabulary Improvements
5 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| peaceful life | tranquil lifestyle | More formal and descriptive language is preferred |
| leave their houses | vacate their residences | More formal and specific phrasing |
| satisfied | appeased | More precise language for business context |
| making public transport easy | enhancing public transport accessibility | More precise and appropriate vocabulary |
| instead of relocation | rather than relocating | Correct grammatical structure for contrast |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay addresses the task and provides a reasonably clear position. However, it lacks a detailed explanation of key points and addresses only the surface of the issues.
Examples
It mentions traffic congestion and housing as problems alleviated by relocating businesses but doesn't thoroughly explore the implications or alternative solutions.
How to Improve
To improve, you should provide more detailed arguments and examples to fully explore and support your position.
Coherence & Cohesion5.5
Evaluation
The essay is logical but lacks sophistication in its organization. Some ideas are underdeveloped, and transitions between points can be clearer.
Examples
The transition between discussing benefits and drawbacks could be smoother, and certain points are repeated without deeper analysis.
How to Improve
Use more varied cohesive devices to improve flow and ensure each paragraph is developed with a clear central idea.
Lexical Resource5.5
Evaluation
The essay shows an adequate range of vocabulary, but expression is occasionally awkward or imprecise.
Examples
Phrases like 'impractical process' and 'make the traffic flow smooth' lack precision.
How to Improve
Expand your vocabulary by actively learning and using new words and phrases accurately in context.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures but contains several errors that impede understanding.
Examples
Issues include subject-verb agreement errors and awkward sentence structures.
How to Improve
Review grammar rules, focus on constructing complex sentences accurately, and proofread your work to identify and correct errors.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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