This Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay discusses relocating businesses from urban to rural areas. However, it faces clarity issues and lacks consistent argumentation, impacting its overall effectiveness. Learn how to address these problems to enhance your writing skills.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) Β· Urban Planning Β· 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
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Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the pros and cons of relocating businesses from urban to rural areas, but the response lacks clarity and consistency, affecting the overall argument. Grammar issues and some unclear phrasing make it difficult to follow at times, although the word count meets the requirement.
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Commercial sectors are the big contributors towards our country economy. The decision of relocation of all businesses and industrial sectors away from the urban areas could be a good solution for traffic control and for housing societies in major cities. The industries are the major contributor to global warming. In this essay we will discusses both views and provide my own opinion.
Firstly, shifting of commercial sector towards rural areas are beneficial for the traffic as well as for the community. As industries release large amount of harmful gases which affect the health of people who lives near that places. Moreover, due to large amount of private vehicles which parked near the city create huge traffic problem. For instance, if offices and factories are relocated to the rural areas these problems can be overcome. In addition to, more space become available for housing societies, so that more people lives near the city to avail city benefits.
On the other hand, shift towards rural area may cause problem for the people living in that area also daily travel issues for the workers. As the people lives in villages are simple they do not know about the business as much as city people know. The air is clean in the rural areas, due to construction of industries pollute the air of that area. Moreover, the workers who lives in the city face daily travel problem. It took long time to travel to village for job and then come back at night.
Therefore, it is more preferable if the commercial sector is relocated away from both rural and urban area. The area which is not suitable for living such as desert side. Furthermore, the owners should arrange accommodation for the workers so that they do not face travel issues.
In conclusion, I partially agree to the opinion of relocation, it is more beneficial, if relocation done away from both rural and urban sides because people lives in both the areas face problem of traffic and bad air condition.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Grammatical Mistakes
15 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| our country economy | our country's economy | Possessive form needed for 'country's' to show ownership of 'economy'. |
| In this essay we will discusses | In this essay, we will discuss | Verb form correction: 'discuss' is the correct form to match 'we will'. |
| towards rural areas are | towards rural areas is | Subject-verb agreement: 'shifting' is singular and requires 'is'. |
| people who lives | people who live | Subject-verb agreement: 'people' is plural and requires 'live'. |
| that places | those places | Demonstrative pronoun agreement: 'places' is plural, so use 'those'. |
| large amount of private vehicles | large number of private vehicles | Incorrect quantifier: 'vehicles' is countable, requiring 'number'. |
| more space become | more space becomes | Subject-verb agreement: 'space' is singular and requires 'becomes'. |
| more people lives | more people live | Subject-verb agreement: 'people' is plural and requires 'live'. |
| shift towards rural area may cause problem | shift towards rural areas may cause problems | Plurality correction: 'areas' and 'problems' need to be in plural form to match context. |
| As the people lives | As the people live | Subject-verb agreement: 'people' is plural and requires 'live'. |
| due to construction of industries pollute | due to the construction of industries polluting | Gerund form needed to act as a noun complement. |
| who lives | who live | Subject-verb agreement: 'who' refers to 'workers', which is plural. |
| area which is not suitable for living such as desert side | areas that are not suitable for living, such as deserts | Plurality and punctuation correction; 'areas' is plural, and 'deserts' is the correct term. |
| I partially agree to the opinion | I partially agree with the opinion | Collocation correction: 'agree with' is the correct preposition. |
| if relocation done | if relocation is done | Passive voice correction: 'is' needed for passive construction. |
Vocabulary Improvements
4 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| big contributors | major contributors | 'Major' is a more precise and formal word choice. |
| contributor to global warming | source of global warming | The term 'source' is more commonly used in academic contexts. |
| huge traffic problem | significant traffic congestion | 'Significant' and 'congestion' are more precise and academic. |
| bad air condition | poor air quality | 'Poor air quality' is a more precise and academic term. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5.5
Evaluation
The essay responds to the prompt with a discussion of both sides of the argument and presents an opinion. However, there is a lack of depth and clear linking between points, making the argument less persuasive.
Examples
The essay suggests relocating to rural areas could solve urban problems but does not fully explore the implications or alternative solutions.
How to Improve
Develop a clearer stance with well-supported arguments. Provide more detailed examples and analysis to strengthen the response.
Coherence & Cohesion5.5
Evaluation
The essay follows a logical structure with paragraphs dedicated to different points, but transitions between ideas are not always clear, affecting the flow of information.
Examples
The shift from discussing traffic benefits to rural disadvantages lacks smooth transition.
How to Improve
Use clear linking words and phrases to ensure each paragraph contributes to building a coherent argument.
Lexical Resource6
Evaluation
Demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but some word choices are inaccurate or repetitive, which limits the effectiveness of the communication.
Examples
Phrases like 'big contributors' or 'more space become available' show limited lexical variety.
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary range and use more precise terms to convey ideas. Avoid repetition by using synonyms and varied structures.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
The essay displays some range in grammatical structures, but frequent errors in sentence structure, verb agreement, and punctuation reduce clarity.
Examples
Issues with subject-verb agreement ('more people lives'), and sentence fragments reduce clarity.
How to Improve
Focus on correcting basic sentence structures and ensure subject-verb agreement, using varied sentence types correctly to enhance grammatical accuracy.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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