This Band 5.5 IELTS writing task 2 essay discusses the relocation of businesses and industries. While the essay presents relevant arguments, it faces issues with coherence and vocabulary limitations that hinder its clarity. Students can learn from the feedback provided to enhance their writing skills.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) Β· Urban Planning Β· 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
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Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay addresses the topic and provides relevant arguments against relocating businesses and industries to rural areas. However, it suffers from frequent grammatical errors, limited vocabulary, and issues with coherence and cohesion. These factors limit the overall clarity and effectiveness of the response.
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relocating big businesses" title="Correction: These days, some experts suggest relocating big businesses">In these days,some experts relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of trafic congestion and housing a major cities.It is widely believed that this issue has become increasingly significant in all the developing and developed societies.I strongly disagree with this point view.This essay will discuss some reasons why i disagree with this point of view.
To begin with the main reason,if big businesses and industries moves towards rural areas from urban areas than village life may effect.The main reason is noise pollution.For example,if industries make any thing then they produce so much noise.As a result noise pollution accour and it may effect the village life and also it cause environmental pollution.In addition,big bussinesses and industries can damage agricultural land.For example,the waste release from different industries can harmful because industries use different chemicals in there making which produce harmful waste material.As a result green land may destroy and also harmful waste material destroy rural beauty.
On the other hand,if we can bring big businesses from urban to rural areas then traffic may increase in rural areas.For example,if big bussinesses came then small cafes also came near big progects.As a result traffic increase and make rural areas urban.Furthermore,this point of view also damage rural culture and their living style.For example if big shopes,industries and their modern workers came then we cannot enjoy rural life.As a result rural culture destroy slowly and we cannot see rural tradition anymore.
In conclusion,government should need to stop the project of moving big projects and factories and their workers from urban to rural areas.In my personal perspective i disagree with this project and I want to see rural traditions" title="Correction: I want to see rural traditions">i want to see rural tradition and their culture in future.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
9 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| relocating | Relocating |
| trafic | traffic |
| a major cities | major cities |
| i | I |
| effect | affect |
| accour | occur |
| bussinesses | businesses |
| there | their |
| shopes | shops |
Grammatical Mistakes
8 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| In these days,some experts relocating big businesses | These days, some experts suggest relocating big businesses | Improper phrasing and missing verb; 'suggest' clarifies the intent. |
| than village life may effect | then village life may be affected | Incorrect conjunction and verb form; 'then' is correct for sequence, and 'affected' is the proper passive form. |
| it cause environmental pollution | it causes environmental pollution | Subject-verb agreement: 'it' is singular and requires 'causes'. |
| the waste release from different industries can harmful | the waste released from different industries can be harmful | Incorrect verb form and missing auxiliary verb; 'released' is the correct past participle, and 'can be' is required. |
| traffic increase and make rural areas urban | traffic increases and makes rural areas urban | Subject-verb agreement: 'traffic' is singular and requires 'increases' and 'makes'. |
| this point of view also damage rural culture | this point of view also damages rural culture | Subject-verb agreement: 'this point of view' is singular and requires 'damages'. |
| government should need to stop | the government needs to stop | Article misuse and redundancy; 'the government' is correct, and 'needs' is sufficient without 'should'. |
| i want to see rural tradition | I want to see rural traditions | Capitalization and plural form; 'I' should be capitalized, and 'traditions' is more appropriate. |
Vocabulary Improvements
5 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| make any thing | manufacture anything | 'Manufacture' is a more precise and formal term for industrial production. |
| green land | farmland | 'Farmland' is a more specific and accurate term for agricultural land. |
| small cafes also came near big progects | small cafes also emerge near large projects | 'Emerge' and 'large projects' are more formal and appropriate in this context. |
| we cannot enjoy rural life | it diminishes the enjoyment of rural life | More formal and precise phrasing. |
| rural culture destroy slowly | rural culture is gradually eroded | 'Gradually eroded' is a more formal and academic expression. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay addresses the task and provides a clear position against relocating businesses and industries to rural areas. It includes relevant arguments, such as the potential for noise pollution, environmental damage, and the loss of rural culture. The response is sufficiently developed and meets the word count requirement.
Examples
The essay discusses noise pollution caused by industries and the destruction of agricultural land due to harmful waste. It also highlights the impact on rural culture and traffic congestion.
How to Improve
To improve, the essay could provide more balanced arguments by acknowledging potential benefits of relocation, even if the writer disagrees. Additionally, examples could be more specific and detailed to strengthen the arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion5.5
Evaluation
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the ideas are not always well-connected, and transitions between sentences and paragraphs are often weak or missing. Repetition of ideas and phrases also affects cohesion.
Examples
Phrases like 'as a result' and 'for example' are overused, and some sentences lack clear connections to the main argument.
How to Improve
Use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to improve flow. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas are logically connected throughout the essay.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with frequent repetition of basic words and phrases. Some word choices are inappropriate or incorrect, such as 'effect' instead of 'affect' and 'accour' instead of 'occur.'
Examples
Repetitive use of 'big businesses,' 'industries,' and 'harmful waste.' Incorrect usage of 'effect' and 'accour.'
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary by using synonyms and more precise terms. Practice using academic and topic-specific language to enhance the quality of the writing.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
The essay contains frequent grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms, subject-verb agreement issues, and sentence structure problems. These errors often make the writing difficult to understand.
Examples
Errors include 'if big businesses and industries moves,' 'it may effect,' and 'the waste release from different industries can harmful.'
How to Improve
Focus on improving basic grammar, such as subject-verb agreement, verb forms, and sentence structure. Proofread carefully to identify and correct errors. Practice writing simple, grammatically correct sentences before attempting more complex structures.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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