This Band 5.5 IELTS essay discusses relocating businesses from urban to rural areas to ease congestion. Key feedback highlights coherence and cohesion problems, revealing areas where argumentation could be strengthened.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) · Urban Planning · 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: Hello User. The essay meets the word count requirement with 261 words. It offers a partially developed position on relocating businesses to rural areas to alleviate urban congestion. While some points are relevant, there is insufficient depth and support in argumentation. There are issues with cohesion and sentence structure, and the vocabulary is somewhat limited.
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Moving expanded premises and industries and their labourers from the city to the villages could be a better idea for the problems of many cars and households in major towns. I strongly agree that relocating big businesses and idustries and their workers to rural areas is the best solution to the traffic congestion and many houses in the cities.
Firstly, big businesses and industries have alot of transit vehicles, this causes a lot of congestion on the roads such as transit vehicles with approximately 28 meters in the central business district can cause congestion for other road users. In addition, the heavy vehicles used in the industries can easily cause accidents in the city.
On the other hand, big industries and bisinesses have a lot of buildings, therefore taking a lot of space in the city, for example, industry builds big houses for the machines used in the production and also the stores. In contrast, big businesses and big industries expand the market because of the people. In this businesses and the industries, there are many workers, for example drivers, cleaners, clacks, security people and the admininstrators, this increases the business sector by buying and selling of the goods and services.
In conclusion, it is good to relocate big businesses and indusrties with their workers to the rural to improve the living standard of the rural people because there will be job opportunities and roads will be improved, although people argue that it is good to maintained them but i strongly agree that it should be relocated to the rural areas.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
7 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| indusries | industries |
| alot | a lot |
| bisinesses | businesses |
| clacks | clerks |
| admininstrators | administrators |
| indusrties | industries |
| maintained | maintain |
Grammatical Mistakes
3 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| many cars and households | many cars and much overcrowding | Inappropriate quantitative expression: 'households' implies a countable sense that does not fit here. |
| this causes a lot of congestion | this cause a lot of congestion | Incorrect subject-verb agreement: 'vehicles' is plural, so 'cause' should be used. |
| although people argue that it is good to maintained them | although people argue that it is good to maintain them | Incorrect verb form: 'maintained' should be 'maintain' for consistent tense usage. |
Vocabulary Improvements
3 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| idustries | companies | More specific term; 'industries' can be broad while 'companies' are the real entities to be moved. |
| a lot of buildings | numerous structures | More varied vocabulary; 'numerous structures' is a more academic way to express the same concept. |
| big industries | large-scale industries | More precise vocabulary; 'large-scale' provides a clearer image of the size and scope. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay addresses the task prompt by providing reasons for relocating businesses to rural areas. It acknowledges the potential impact on urban congestion and rural development.
Examples
The essay discusses traffic congestion and space consumption by businesses in urban areas but lacks further specific examples and counterarguments for a balanced discussion.
How to Improve
To enhance this criterion, provide more developed arguments with specific examples and consider discussing potential drawbacks of relocating businesses to rural areas.
Coherence & Cohesion5.5
Evaluation
The essay follows a logical structure, presenting arguments for the position taken. However, there are issues with coherence in linking ideas effectively.
Examples
Phrases like 'on the other hand' are used where no contrast is being made, which disrupts the logical flow.
How to Improve
Work on using cohesive devices correctly to improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph develops its central idea fully.
Lexical Resource5.5
Evaluation
The lexical resource is adequate for conveying the main ideas, but there are some misspellings and vocabulary errors.
Examples
Words like 'idustries' and 'clusks' appear as misspellings. Phrases like 'have alot of transit vehicles' show non-standard vocabulary.
How to Improve
Expand your vocabulary repertoire and ensure precision in word choice to avoid spelling and lexical errors. Consider using synonyms to add variety.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
The essay exhibits a range of sentence structures but contains numerous grammatical errors and awkward sentence constructions.
Examples
Errors include 'alot' instead of 'a lot', and incorrect sentence formations such as 'it is good to maintained them.'
How to Improve
Focus on mastering basic grammar rules and constructing more complex sentence structures correctly. Proofreading your work for grammatical mistakes can also help.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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