This Band 5.5 IELTS essay explores the topic of relocating businesses to address urban issues. While it presents a relevant opinion, it suffers from grammatical errors and clarity issues. Improving these aspects could enhance the overall effectiveness of the argument.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) Β· Urban Planning Β· 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
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Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay meets the 250-word minimum and addresses the topic, presenting a partially agreed position. However, it suffers from frequent grammatical errors, limited lexical range, and some clarity issues. The argument is developed but lacks depth and contains minor irrelevancies. Cohesion is adequate but compromised by awkward transitions. Overall, a band 5.5 is appropriate.
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Large scale businesses and industrial companies often provide employment opportunities to a lot of individuals in both urban and rural areas, However, the location is often debatable. It is believed that moving large scale businesses and industrial facilities and their employees from big cities to an urban environment could result in less traffic congestion and reduced accommodation issues and I to some extent agree to this narrative. This essay will expatiate on the reasons why to both options might be appealing to some members of the public and clearly state my opinion.
Firstly, Urban areas are highly populated and there are less Lands for building industries. People believe that there are a lot of business opportunities in big cities and this is leading to high level of relocation every now and then, this is resulting i over crowding and accommodation issues. Beyond relocation, Landlords seeing a high demand in renting houses, they use this as a yardstick to increase house rent prices. Consider in abuja for example, houses are being significantly increased evry year, my apartment price moved from two million to four million naira annually and if I go i search of a new place I may just encounter a higher price due to agent fees and other miscellaneous.
On the other hand, If large scale businesses and industrial facilities are brought down to rural areas, there would be less likelihood of people relocating in large numbers. Due to the fact that rural areas are not as big as urban cities, these businesses will have close proximity to where people already live, some might even walk down to work. Furthermore, there would be a significant reduction in crime rates and touts due to increased employment opportunities.
From my own perspective, big cities have a lot of large scale business and industries and relocating a few can prove beneficial. There is less likelihood of people being under a lot of pressure to move from rural areas in search of greener pastures if these opportunities are brought to them. If the amount of industries are reduced in cities, we will have less air pollution too that was caused by both thier waste products and a lot of cars plying the roads daily.
In conclusion, it is a pleasant idea to relocate some large scale businesses and industrial facilities to rural area and this can greatly solve employment issues, traffic issues and accommodation problems. Besides, who wouldnt want thier home town to develop more? this is how big cities started.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
5 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| evry | every |
| i (in 'resulting i over crowding') | in |
| abuja | Abuja |
| thier | their |
| wouldnt | wouldn't |
Grammatical Mistakes
14 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| areas, However | areas. However | Comma splice; should separate sentences with a period or use a semicolon |
| agree to this narrative | agree with this narrative | Collocation: 'agree with' is used for opinions, 'agree to' for proposals |
| why to both options | why both options | Unnecessary preposition 'to' after 'why' |
| there are less Lands | there is less land | Subject-verb agreement and uncountable noun: 'land' is singular, use 'is less land' |
| Landlords seeing a high demand, they use | Landlords, seeing high demand, use | Dangling participle; restructure for clarity |
| houses are being significantly increased evry year | house prices increase significantly every year | Awkward passive; better active voice and correct verb 'increase' |
| my apartment price moved from two million to four million naira | the rent on my apartment increased from two million to four million naira | Unclear pricing; 'apartment price' is ambiguous; 'rent' is more precise |
| if I go i search of a new place | if I go in search of a new place | Missing preposition 'in' |
| large scale business and industries | large-scale businesses and industries | Hyphenation needed for compound adjective; plural 'businesses' required |
| the amount of industries are reduced | the number of industries is reduced | Countable noun 'industries' requires 'number'; subject-verb agreement with 'number is' |
| that was caused by both thier waste products | that is caused by both their waste products | Tense consistency: use present tense for ongoing effect |
| to rural area | to rural areas | Plural noun needed for general reference |
| who wouldnt want thier home town | who wouldn't want their hometown | Contraction and spelling; 'hometown' as one word |
| this is how big cities started | This is how big cities started | Capitalize start of sentence after question mark |
Vocabulary Improvements
6 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| a lot of (multiple instances) | many / numerous | Informal; use more precise quantifiers in academic writing |
| yardstick | benchmark / criterion | Informal metaphor; better suited for academic context |
| touts | street vendors / informal traders | Informal; use more neutral or specific term |
| greener pastures | better opportunities | ClichΓ©; replace with direct expression |
| pleasant idea | viable solution / sound proposal | Too informal; use more academic phrasing |
| every now and then | frequently / continuously | Informal idiom; use more precise adverb |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay responds to the prompt and expresses a clear opinion (partial agreement). It provides reasons and a specific example (rent increase in Abuja). However, the argument is somewhat superficial; ideas like crime reduction and pollution are mentioned but not fully explored. The position is maintained throughout.
Examples
The example of apartment rent increasing from two million to four million naira is concrete but personal. The discussion of rural proximity and walking to work is relevant but underdeveloped.
How to Improve
Deepen the analysis by considering counterarguments or broader implications. Use more general, researched examples rather than personal anecdotes. Ensure each paragraph directly supports the thesis.
Coherence & Cohesion5.5
Evaluation
There is a basic essay structure (intro, body paragraphs, conclusion). Cohesive devices such as 'Firstly', 'On the other hand', and 'In conclusion' are used. However, the flow is sometimes disjointed; ideas jump from rent to crime rates without clear linking. Paragraphing could be more logical.
Examples
The second body paragraph starts with 'On the other hand' but then discusses rural benefits, which is fine, but the shift to crime rates feels abrupt. The third paragraph begins with 'From my own perspective' but repeats earlier points rather than adding new analysis.
How to Improve
Use clearer topic sentences and signposting. Ensure each paragraph has one main idea with supporting details. Link sentences more smoothly with connectors like 'consequently', 'furthermore', or 'as a result'.
Lexical Resource5.5
Evaluation
The vocabulary is generally simple and repetitive ('large scale businesses', 'industries', 'relocating'). There are several spelling errors ('evry', 'thier', 'touts', 'expatiate', 'yardstick'). Some attempts at less common words ('miscellaneous', 'proximity') are present but not always accurate.
Examples
Uses 'expatiate' (likely meant 'elaborate') and 'yardstick' (acceptable but informal). 'Touts' is unclear in context. Spelling mistakes like 'evry' and 'thier' lower the lexical score.
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary by learning synonyms for common terms (e.g., 'relocation', 'congestion', 'accommodation'). Proofread carefully to eliminate spelling errors. Use a dictionary to confirm word meaning and collocation.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
There are frequent grammatical errors: missing articles ('less Lands'), incorrect prepositions ('resulting i over crowding'), subject-verb agreement issues ('houses are being significantly increased'), and punctuation problems. Some sentences are run-ons or incomplete.
Examples
'I to some extent agree to this narrative' (missing verb 'do' or rephrase). 'Consider in abuja for example' lacks a verb. 'who wouldnt want thier home town to develop more?' lacks subject and has contraction spelling error.
How to Improve
Review basic grammar rules: article usage, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. Practice writing complex sentences with correct punctuation. Consider using shorter, clearer sentences to avoid errors.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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