Achieving a Band 5.5 in your IELTS essay on relocating industries requires addressing several key issues. While the essay responds to the task, it shows coherence problems and limited vocabulary usage. This feedback will help you refine your writing techniques and enhance your overall performance.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) · Urban Planning · 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay meets the word count requirement of at least 250 words, providing a relevant response to the topic of relocating businesses to rural areas to alleviate city issues. While the response covers the prompt, it features issues with coherence, lexical choice, and grammatical accuracy, limiting its effectiveness.
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There many who believe that big businesses and industries moving from cities to rural areas can lead reduction of traffic congestion and housing problems. I partly agree with this view due to approve the air quality and reducing pollution in big cities.
On the one hand, businesses and industries offer several opportunities and modern facilities such as markets, productivity, suppliers, and more job opportunities. For example, businessesand industries can expand the place of shops, food markets or better landmarks which can help people to live more comfortable and convenient. Moreover, many unemployed people can supply more job opportunities which can allow reducing the number of jobless. But also it can create some negative factors like pollution, traffic congestion, and damage to the air quality and the shortage of housing which can cause many health problems. Overall, I think although businesses and industries can have profound impact on country development, it can give serious problems to the environemnt and the health.
On the other hand that if businesses and industries move to rural areas , it can have the positive effect to the environemnt and the nature. Especially the industries can produce higher amount of carbon dioxide which can lead to several issues. To address it, businesses and industries should move from big cities to suburban regions which can be the solution to reduce the pollution, overcrowding and noisy atmosphere. Moreover it can give more chance to live in houses in big cities and help to reduce the shortage of housing. Overall, I believe that the advantages of businesses and industries relocating to rural areas can be a solution to improve the air quality and decrease the number of homelessnes people.
In conclusion, although businesses and industries stay and work in big cities can offer many advantages hovewer it have many better sides such as to rise the air quality especially reducing carbon emissions due to traffic congestion and smoke of industries and solving the housing problems.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
4 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| environemnt | environment |
| businessesand | businesses and |
| homelessnes | homelessness |
| approve | improve |
Grammatical Mistakes
9 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| lead reduction of | lead to a reduction in | Incorrect preposition usage; 'lead to' pairs with 'a reduction in' |
| offer several opportunities and modern facilities such as markets, productivity, suppliers, and more job opportunities | offer several opportunities and modern facilities such as access to markets, increasing productivity, availability of suppliers, and more job opportunities | Incorrect word usage; 'productivity' and 'suppliers' need qualifiers |
| allow reducing | allow for reducing | Missing preposition; 'allow for' is correct here |
| give serious problems to | cause serious problems for | Incorrect verb-preposition usage; 'cause problems for' is correct |
| higher amount of | higher levels of | Incorrect collocation and choice of noun; 'levels of carbon dioxide' is more precise |
| more chance to live in houses | more chances for people to live in houses | Subject and pronoun agreement needed with 'people' |
| stay and work in big cities can offer | staying and working in big cities can offer | Gerund form needed for parallel structure |
| hovewer | however | Spelling error of the transition word |
| it have many better sides such as to rise the air quality | it has better aspects such as improving air quality | Incorrect subject-verb agreement and improper phrase; use 'improving' |
Vocabulary Improvements
4 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| comfortable and convenient | comfortably and conveniently | Using adverbs for verbs 'live' is more precise |
| overall | in summary | More formal academic phrase |
| positive effect to the environment | positive impact on the environment | Incorrect collocation; 'impact on' is standard |
| solution to improve | means of improving | More precise academic expression for the context |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay addresses the task and presents a partial agreement with the statement, offering both potential benefits and drawbacks of relocating businesses.
Examples
The essay discusses how relocating industries might improve air quality and reduce pollution, as well as how remaining in cities could offer benefits but also lead to negative outcomes.
How to Improve
To improve, make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction and consistently support it throughout the essay with specific and well-developed examples.
Coherence & Cohesion5.5
Evaluation
The essay attempts to structure ideas logically, but the flow of paragraphs could be more effective. Some connections between ideas are not clear.
Examples
There are abrupt transitions between discussing pollution, housing, and employment without clear links. Use of cohesive devices is limited.
How to Improve
Improve cohesion by making clear connections between ideas and using a variety of linking words more effectively to guide the reader through the argument.
Lexical Resource5.5
Evaluation
The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary and sometimes repeats phrases. Some word choices are imprecise and awkward.
Examples
Repetitive use of phrases such as 'businesses and industries.' Occasional vocabulary errors, such as 'homelessnes people' instead of 'homeless people.'
How to Improve
Expand your vocabulary range by learning synonyms and more precise terms. Practice using these words in context to convey your ideas more effectively.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
The essay demonstrates basic grammatical structures, but errors in sentence structure and grammar are frequent, affecting readability.
Examples
Errors such as 'lead reduction,' 'approve the air quality,' and incorrect pluralization like 'it have many better sides.'
How to Improve
Work on building a wider range of complex sentence structures while practicing accuracy in grammar to reduce errors. Consider reviewing subject-verb agreement and proper tense usage.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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