This band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay discusses the relocation of industries to address urban challenges. While the response acknowledges both sides, it suffers from underdeveloped ideas and insufficient examples, limiting its overall effectiveness.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) · Urban Planning · 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay addresses the prompt and takes a clear position (partly agree), but it is significantly under the required word count (203 words instead of 250). This limits the development of arguments and the depth of discussion, resulting in a lower Task Response score. The essay is on topic, but ideas are underdeveloped and lack specific examples or detailed reasoning.
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Relocating large businesses and industries, along with their workers, from urban to rural areas is often considered a potential solution to traffic congestion and housing shortages in major cities. I partly agree with this opinion.
To begin with, traffic congestion has become a serious problem in many large cities in recent years. A high number of vehicles, such as cars and trucks, produce harmful emissions that negatively affect human health. As a result, people may suffer from breathing difficulties and other respiratory issues. In addition, heavy traffic creates noise pollution, which can be particularly harmful to students, pregnant women, and elderly people. Therefore, moving industries to rural areas could reduce traffic and improve living conditions in cities.
On the other hand, relocating businesses and industries also has some drawbacks. Firstly, it can be extremely expensive to transfer infrastructure and resources to rural areas. Secondly, rural regions may lack the necessary facilities, skilled workers, and financial capacity to support large industries. This could create economic challenges and reduce efficiency.
In conclusion, although relocating industries to rural areas could help solve urban problems such as traffic congestion and housing shortages, it also involves significant costs and practical difficulties. Therefore, it is only a partial solution.
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
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Task Response5.5
Evaluation
The essay presents a partial agreement and covers both sides of the argument, but the word count is well below the minimum of 250 words. The ideas are only briefly mentioned with little elaboration, and there are no concrete examples or data to support claims. The conclusion is simplistic.
Examples
The writer states that traffic causes health and noise problems, but does not expand or link these directly to relocation. The drawbacks (cost, lack of facilities) are listed without explanation or evidence.
How to Improve
Expand each point with specific examples (e.g., mention a city that attempted relocation or studies on traffic reduction). Ensure the essay meets the word count by adding more detail to each paragraph, such as discussing counterarguments or long-term effects.
Coherence & Cohesion5.5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure (introduction, two body paragraphs, conclusion) and uses simple cohesive devices (e.g., 'To begin with', 'On the other hand', 'In conclusion'). However, transitions are limited and ideas within paragraphs are not well connected. The flow is somewhat disjointed.
Examples
The first body paragraph jumps from emissions to noise pollution without a clear link. The second body paragraph lists drawbacks without any linking phrases between them.
How to Improve
Use more varied cohesive devices (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'Consequently', 'In addition'). Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that supporting sentences logically follow. Add a brief linking sentence at the end of each body paragraph to connect back to the main argument.
Lexical Resource5.5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is adequate but limited and repetitive. Words like 'traffic congestion', 'industries', 'rural areas' are reused. There is some attempt at topic-specific vocabulary (e.g., 'respiratory issues', 'noise pollution'), but no less common or advanced lexical items.
Examples
Uses 'big businesses' instead of 'large corporations' or 'multinational enterprises'. The phrase 'extremely expensive' is informal; 'prohibitively costly' would be better.
How to Improve
Introduce more precise and varied vocabulary, such as 'urban sprawl', 'decongestion', 'logistical challenges', 'infrastructural deficits'. Use synonyms to avoid repetition. Practice using collocations (e.g., 'alleviate congestion', 'skilled workforce').
Grammatical Range & Accuracy6
Evaluation
The essay uses a mix of simple and compound sentences. Grammar is mostly accurate with only minor errors (e.g., 'a high number of vehicles... produce' is acceptable; no major mistakes). However, sentence structures are simple and lack complexity.
Examples
Uses 'which can be particularly harmful' (relative clause) and 'Although relocating... it also involves' (concession). No complex conditionals or passive constructions.
How to Improve
Incorporate more complex structures such as conditional sentences ('If businesses were relocated, the reduction in traffic might...'), passive voice ('It is argued that...'), and participial phrases ('Having considered both sides...'). Ensure accuracy with subject-verb agreement and article usage.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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