This IELTS Writing Task 2 essay received a band score of 5.5. While the author argues against relocating industries from urban to rural areas, the essay faces coherence issues and grammatical errors that undermine clarity. Understanding these feedback points can help improve your writing skills.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) · Urban Planning · 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: Hello User, the essay addresses the topic of relocating businesses to rural areas and provides reasons for disagreeing with this proposition. The response is relevant and meets the word count requirement. However, there are issues with coherence, cohesion, vocabulary usage, and grammatical accuracy that affect the overall quality.
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Some people argue that transferring large brands and industrial sector will solve the issue of traffic and housing in big cities. I completely disagree with this opinion. This essay will provide principal reasoning regarding my perspective through suitable explanation.
Firstly, the most immediate consequence of relocating industries to rural areas is that it will contribute to the increase of energy consumption. As all the significant businesses and industries will transfer to under-developed areas people would require more resources and time to get to the opportunity. This will effect the overall consumption of both renewable and non-renewable energy resources. For instance, through a servey conducted by government of Pakistan it was discovered that almost 70% of total population lives in developed areas while remaining lives in rural areas. As the result great number of people will face challenges to receive employment.
Moreover, another major concern regarding changing places is that it will have adverse effect on environment. The rural areas are known for its agriculture and simplicity. To provide space for the vast industrial sectors, the agricultral areas has to be sacrificed this not only decrease the beauty of village life but also increase carbon percentage in the atmosphere which results in global warming. For example, through research it was discovered that overall Earth temperature increased by 0.5 degree celcius due to the cutting down of trees on large scale. This not only causes global warming but many natural disasters.
In conclusion, While moving of international brands and big sectors seems a possible solution to incline in traffic and housing crises, it posses much greater threat in terms of energy consumption and environmental effects while will result in inevitable challenges in future.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
4 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| servey | survey |
| agricultral | agricultural |
| celcius | Celsius |
| posses | poses |
Grammatical Mistakes
5 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| effect the overall consumption | affect the overall consumption | 'Affect' is the correct verb form; 'effect' is a noun. |
| As the result | As a result | Use 'a result' as it refers to one of many possible outcomes. |
| To provide space for the vast industrial sectors, the agricultral areas has to be sacrificed | To provide space for the vast industrial sectors, the agricultural areas have to be sacrificed | Subject-verb agreement: 'areas' is plural and should be followed by 'have'. |
| its agriculture and simplicity. | their agriculture and simplicity. | Possessive determiner should agree with the plural noun 'areas'. |
| while will result | which will result | Relative pronoun 'which' is appropriate for non-restrictive relative clauses. |
Vocabulary Improvements
5 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| under-developed | less developed | 'Less developed' is more neutral and academic. |
| developed areas | urban areas | 'Urban areas' is more precise. |
| great number of people | large number of people | 'Large number' is the correct collocation. |
| increase of energy consumption | rise in energy consumption | 'Rise in' is a more precise collocation in this context. |
| decrease the beauty | diminish the beauty | 'Diminish' is a more academic verb choice. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay addresses the task by providing reasons for disagreeing with the proposition and offers examples to support these points.
Examples
Examples include the impact on energy consumption and environmental concerns.
How to Improve
Provide a more balanced view by considering potential benefits of relocation and addressing counterarguments.
Coherence & Cohesion5.5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic logical structure, but lacks clear connection between some ideas and paragraphs.
Examples
The transition between discussing energy consumption and environmental effects could be smoother.
How to Improve
Use clear linking devices to connect ideas and ensure each paragraph flows logically into the next.
Lexical Resource5.5
Evaluation
The vocabulary is adequate but repetitive, with some spelling errors that affect clarity.
Examples
Mistakes include 'servey' instead of 'survey' and 'agricultral' instead of 'agricultural'.
How to Improve
Work on expanding vocabulary and use a variety of words to convey ideas more precisely. Be mindful of spelling.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
The essay contains several grammatical errors, affecting overall readability and precision.
Examples
Errors include 'effect the overall consumption' instead of 'affect the overall consumption' and tense issues.
How to Improve
Focus on improving grammatical accuracy by reviewing subject-verb agreement, correct verb tenses, and sentence structure.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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