This Band 5.5 IELTS essay discusses the challenges of relocating businesses to rural areas. The main feedback highlights coherence issues and grammatical errors that hinder clarity. Learn how to enhance your writing by addressing these key points.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) · Urban Planning · 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay adequately addresses the task, providing a clear stance against relocating businesses from urban to rural areas. However, the coherence and cohesion of the argument can be improved, as well as the use of more varied vocabulary and more complex sentence structures. The grammatical issues somewhat impede clarity and weaken the argument's impact.
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I would not agree to this relocation for it affects various aspect of the economy and not just the business that moves from urban to rural areas.
The level of agreement I would rate in this act of urban planning is 5/10. Relocating big businesses and industries and so as the workers to rural areas would just result for the traffic congestions and travel in housing happen to the relocation sites. In addition, such move is a big step for businesses and these industries, such step requires a study for probable effect in the business and the community surrounding the rural area.
Moreover, the relocation can affect the environment for it requires construction and this deals with a lot of quarrying of mountains, probable contamination of water supply especially if the industries that decides to move to the rural areas handle chemicals and hazardous materials.
Such businesses and industries can help the community living in the rural area at some point for it can increase job opportunities, innovation of livelihoods, but we should also consider the probable environmental effects this may cause.
I do not think such move from urban to rural areas is necessary to solve the issues of traffic congestion and housing in the major cities, rather the government and its engineers should have a viable urban planning in aiding such problems. The government can utilize other lots in the cities, create higher buildings to accommodate bigger population of people to solve housing problems.
Thus, I do not agree with such relocation of big companies, industries, and workers.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Grammatical Mistakes
4 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| affects various aspect | affects various aspects | Subject-verb agreement and plural form: 'aspect' should be 'aspects' to agree with 'various' |
| result for the traffic | result in traffic | Incorrect preposition: 'result in' is the correct collocation |
| if the industries that decides | if the industries that decide | Subject-verb agreement: 'industries' is plural and requires 'decide' |
| at some point for it can increase | at some point as it can increase | Incorrect conjunction: 'as' is needed to properly connect the clauses |
Vocabulary Improvements
4 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| big businesses | large corporations | 'Large corporations' is more formal and precise |
| traffic congestions and travel in housing happen | traffic congestion and housing issues occur | Incorrect and vague phrasing: 'housing issues occur' is more precise |
| innovation of livelihoods | development of livelihoods | Wrong collocation: 'development' is more appropriate in this context |
| viable urban planning in aiding | effective urban planning to address | 'Effective' and 'to address' are more precise and appropriate |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay responds to the prompt with a clear stance and relevant arguments, discussing both potential negative effects and alternatives.
Examples
The writer argues that relocation can cause environmental damage and that urban planning solutions could be more effective.
How to Improve
Provide more detailed examples and additional evidence to support the points made. This will strengthen the argument and demonstrate a thorough understanding of the issues.
Coherence & Cohesion5.5
Evaluation
The essay is logically structured but lacks smooth transitions that would enhance the flow of ideas.
Examples
The transition between discussing environmental impacts and alternative solutions lacks coherence.
How to Improve
Use linking words and phrases more effectively to connect ideas and ensure that the essay flows smoothly from one point to the next.
Lexical Resource5.5
Evaluation
The vocabulary is adequate for the task but shows limited range and occasionally awkward or unclear usage.
Examples
Terms like 'quarrying of mountains' and 'innovation of livelihoods' could be rephrased more clearly.
How to Improve
Incorporate a wider variety of vocabulary and ensure precise usage of words to express ideas more clearly and effectively.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
The essay contains frequent grammatical errors that affect clarity and readability.
Examples
Issues include incorrect verb forms and sentence structure errors, such as 'the industries that decides to move'.
How to Improve
Review basic grammar rules, such as subject-verb agreement and sentence construction. Practice writing complex sentences accurately to improve grammatical range and accuracy.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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