This Band 5.5 IELTS essay addresses the contentious issue of traffic congestion through the lens of relocating businesses. While the writer agrees with the prompt, the discussion on both traffic and housing is underdeveloped. Key problems include a lack of logical flow between ideas and basic vocabulary errors that hinder clarity.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) · Urban Planning · 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count (273 words) and addresses the topic, but the development is limited. The writer agrees with the statement but focuses primarily on traffic, neglecting the housing issue. Cohesion is affected by unclear paragraph structure and logical flow. Vocabulary is basic with errors, and grammar is weak, hindering clarity.
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Traffic has become an interesting debate issue in our society: people believe that moving companies and their workers outside the urban area can help to decrease traffic and housing. From my perspective, I totally agree with this opinion.
On the one hand, relocating international business and industries can decrease the number of people working all in the same city. This is important because, employers usually follow all the same working time. For example, in the city centre of Milan, at five o’clock workers move al together to home. Consequently, traffic and congestion increase. Furthermore, another example is lunch time where in Milan is typical around 13 am. At that time is aways difficult during week find a place where eat.
On the other hand, moving factory cannot help people to find job near home. People, before to go to work need to take the children at school or they want to go to the gym. In this way if the facilities are away from workers’ job place, it became not useful. Moreover, moving industries in rural places, can move the traffic from the centre to the quite place. For instance, in the past rural areas around London, were calm and quiet, a perfect place to relax away from the city’s noise. With the industrial revolution in 19 centuries, campaign became mor trafficated because workers moved there.
In conclusion, relocated economical centre from the city to another place could be an option in order to reduce traffic and population inside cities, however, it could just think that we are moving traffic from a point to another. In my view, it could be an opportunity.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
6 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| al | all |
| aways | always |
| mor | more |
| trafficated | congested |
| campaign | countryside |
| quite | quiet |
Grammatical Mistakes
13 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| because, employers | because employers | Unnecessary comma after 'because' |
| follow all the same working time | follow the same working hours | Awkward phrasing; 'working time' should be 'working hours' for clarity |
| move al together to home | all leave for home together | 'To home' is incorrect; use 'home' as an adverb or 'to their homes' |
| lunch time where in Milan is typical around 13 am | lunchtime, which in Milan typically occurs around 1 pm | Incorrect use of 'where' for time, '13 am' is wrong (should be 1 pm), and missing subject |
| At that time is aways difficult during week find a place where eat | At that time, it is always difficult during the week to find a place to eat | Missing subject 'it', 'during week' should be 'during the week', and 'where eat' should be 'to eat' |
| moving factory cannot help | moving factories cannot help | Subject-verb agreement; 'factory' should be plural to match context |
| before to go to work | before going to work | Incorrect infinitive after 'before'; use gerund |
| take the children at school | take the children to school | Preposition error; 'at' should be 'to' for movement |
| it became not useful | it becomes not useful | Tense inconsistency; should be present tense 'becomes' for current relevance |
| moving industries in rural places | moving industries to rural places | Preposition error; 'in' should be 'to' for relocation |
| in 19 centuries | in the 19th century | Incorrect expression for historical period; use '19th century' for singular |
| relocated economical centre | relocating economic centers | 'Relocated' should be 'relocating' for active voice, and 'economical' should be 'economic' (meaning related to economy) |
| it could just think | one might think | Incorrect subject; 'it' cannot think; use 'one' for general reference |
Vocabulary Improvements
13 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| interesting debate issue | a contentious issue | Vague and redundant; use more precise terms like 'contentious issue' or 'topic of debate' |
| decrease traffic and housing | reduce traffic and alleviate housing problems | 'Housing' is vague; specify 'housing problems' for clarity |
| totally agree | completely agree | 'Totally' is somewhat informal; 'completely' is more academic |
| all the same working time | the same working hours | Informal phrasing; 'working hours' is standard in formal writing |
| move al together to home | commute home simultaneously | Informal and awkward; 'commute' is more precise for travel to and from work |
| lunch time | lunchtime | Should be one word in formal writing |
| job place | workplace | Incorrect collocation; 'workplace' is the standard term |
| became not useful | becomes impractical | Informal and negative construction; 'impractical' is more academic |
| quite place | quiet area | 'Quite' is an adverb meaning 'to a degree,' but 'quiet' is the adjective for silence; wrong word used |
| campaign | countryside | Wrong word; 'campaign' refers to organized activities, not rural areas |
| trafficated | congested | Non-standard word; 'congested' is the correct term for heavy traffic |
| economical centre | economic centers | 'Economical' means thrifty; 'economic' relates to the economy |
| from a point to another | from one point to another | Incorrect article usage; 'a point' should be 'one point' for comparison |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The writer presents a clear position (agreement) and provides relevant examples, such as traffic in Milan. However, the argument is underdeveloped, especially regarding housing, which is mentioned but not discussed in the body paragraphs. The conclusion acknowledges a drawback but maintains agreement, showing some balance but lacking depth.
Examples
The essay uses examples from Milan to illustrate traffic congestion but does not explore how relocation might affect housing in cities or rural areas.
How to Improve
Fully address both parts of the prompt (traffic and housing) by extending ideas with specific details and consequences. Ensure a consistent stance throughout, and provide more nuanced analysis rather than superficial examples.
Coherence & Cohesion5.5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, coherence is weakened by unclear logical progression and abrupt shifts between arguments. Paragraphing is present but could be more effectively organized to support the main position.
Examples
The second body paragraph begins with 'On the other hand,' suggesting a counter-argument, but it mixes drawbacks (e.g., moving traffic to rural areas) without clear linkage to the writer's agreement, causing confusion. Phrases like 'In this way' are used but not always logically connecting ideas.
How to Improve
Use topic sentences to clearly state the main idea of each paragraph. Employ a range of cohesive devices (e.g., however, furthermore, consequently) to show relationships between ideas. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single aspect of the argument, such as benefits in one paragraph and drawbacks in another.
Lexical Resource5.5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is somewhat limited and includes inaccuracies and informal expressions. There is an attempt to use topic-related terms, but errors reduce precision and sophistication.
Examples
Incorrect words like 'trafficated' (instead of 'congested' or 'busy'), 'campaign' (likely meant 'countryside'), and 'economical centre' (should be 'economic centers'). Phrases such as 'find a place where eat' are informal and unclear.
How to Improve
Expand academic vocabulary related to urban and rural issues (e.g., infrastructure, decentralization, congestion). Practice using words accurately in context and avoid invented terms. Use a dictionary or thesaurus to find appropriate synonyms.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
Grammatical errors are frequent and affect meaning. Sentence structures are mostly simple, with attempts at complexity that often result in mistakes. Punctuation and verb tense errors are common.
Examples
Errors include 'employers usually follow all the same working time' (awkward phrasing), 'before to go to work' (should be 'before going to work'), 'it became not useful' (should be 'it becomes not useful' or 'it is not useful'), and '13 am' (incorrect time notation).
How to Improve
Focus on mastering basic grammar rules, such as verb tenses, prepositions, and article usage. Practice writing complex sentences with clauses and connectors. Proofread essays to identify and correct errors before submission.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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