This band 5.5 IELTS essay tackles the topic of video games, highlighting both their benefits and drawbacks. While it presents some valid points, the essay lacks thorough argument development and contains frequent language inaccuracies. Learn how to enhance your essay to achieve a better band score.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) · Video games · 40 min
Video games are seen by some as a harmless form of entertainment, or even a useful way to learn new skills. However, others argue that video games have a negative impact on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay provides a basic response to the task but lacks thorough argument development and has numerous language inaccuracies. The word count meets the requirement.
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Some people are seen video games as a positive form of entertainment, or even a useful way to learn new skills. However, others argue that video games have a negative concequences on the people who play them. In my opinion, Vedio games have a crucial benefits for the whole community.
Video games have evolved tremoundesly nowadays and played a significant role in solving a great issues. Some companies which work in games software development had inspired by real life activities. So they had invented a games that help the practicioners who work in the applied feilds that includes: military industry, health workers, engineers in deferent sectors. the philosophy had built on summation of all criteria and do a semillation of the reality in order to predict the outcomes and minimize the errors. It is important to mention here the augmented technology had invaded likely every part in our life. For example now in many hospitals surgeons do practice their surguries first virtually to avoid any potintial mistakes and then they do on the patients.
On the other hand, other people argue that there are many negatives resulted from playing video games specially for the younger generations who openned their eyes on digital booming. For instance, spending a hell of time infront of screen hurts the sight. They add another thing childern who used to play video games are less socialized compared to others who involved in real life activities. Additonally, childhood era is a critical period. Some parents have doubts about what their kids playing. Video games that contain action content are not favorable for them.
In conclusion, the virtual reality has became a one of the necceseties in our life specially the video games. However its drawbacks, the society has to adapt with this development and new inventions to maximize its benefits.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
14 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| consequences | consequences |
| Vedio | Video |
| crucial | crucial |
| tremoundesly | tremendously |
| practicioners | practitioners |
| feilds | fields |
| deferent | different |
| semillation | simulation |
| potintial | potential |
| surguries | surgeries |
| openned | opened |
| childern | children |
| Additonally | Additionally |
| necceseties | necessities |
Grammatical Mistakes
10 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| Some people are seen video games | Some people see video games | Incorrect verb form; 'seen' should be 'see' for correct subject-verb agreement |
| a great issues | great issues | Incorrect article usage; 'a' is unnecessary with the plural noun 'issues' |
| had inspired by | are inspired by | Incorrect verb tense; present tense 'are inspired' fits the context better |
| had invented a games | have invented games | Incorrect article and verb tense; remove 'a' and change 'had' to 'have' |
| includes: | include | Incorrect verb form; plural list should pair with 'include' |
| do practice | practice | Unnecessary auxiliary verb; 'do' is redundant |
| do on the patients | operating on patients | Incorrect phrase; 'do on' should be 'operating on' |
| negatives resulted | negatives resulting | Incorrect verb form; 'resulted' should be 'resulting' |
| the virtual reality has became | virtual reality has become | Incorrect verb tense; 'became' should be 'become' for proper tense agreement |
| However its drawbacks | Despite its drawbacks | Incorrect conjunction; 'Despite' is needed to introduce contrast |
Vocabulary Improvements
2 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| a hell of time | a lot of time | Informal expression; 'a lot of' is more appropriate |
| hurts the sight | damages eyesight | Less precise; 'damages eyesight' is more accurate |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5
Evaluation
The essay addresses the topic of video games' drawbacks and benefits, but it does not fully develop the argument. It primarily presents benefits with limited counterarguments.
Examples
The essay mainly discusses the benefits like aiding professionals in various fields but only briefly touches on potential drawbacks.
How to Improve
Develop balanced arguments for both sides, and provide more specific examples and analysis to support your opinion.
Coherence & Cohesion6
Evaluation
The essay has an overall clear structure with two main body paragraphs. However, transitions between ideas need improvement.
Examples
Paragraphs have a clear focus, but the link between ideas and examples is sometimes weak.
How to Improve
Use cohesive devices more effectively to connect ideas and ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs and points within paragraphs.
Lexical Resource5.5
Evaluation
The essay uses a reasonable range of vocabulary but includes some errors and awkward phrases.
Examples
Errors such as 'tremoundesly', 'concequences', and 'necceseties' occurred.
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary range by reading widely and practicing more writing. Pay attention to correct spelling and proper use of words.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
There is some variation in sentence structures, but the essay contains frequent grammatical errors.
Examples
Frequent spelling mistakes ('Vedio', 'practicioners'), incorrect verb forms ('had inspired'), and punctuation errors.
How to Improve
Focus on understanding basic grammar rules and proofreading your work to spot errors. Practice writing sentences using a variety of structures.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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