This Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay discusses video games and their impacts. Key areas for improvement include grammar errors and the clarity of arguments, which affect overall readability. Discover how to enhance your writing skills with targeted feedback.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) · Video games · 40 min
Video games are seen by some as a harmless form of entertainment, or even a useful way to learn new skills. However, others argue that video games have a negative impact on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: Hello User, the essay addresses the task requirements by discussing both the benefits and drawbacks of video games. However, there are numerous grammatical errors and awkward phrases that affect clarity. Coherence and cohesion are somewhat maintained, but there are issues with connecting ideas smoothly. Lexical resource is adequate, though limited vocabulary range and occasional incorrect word choices are present.
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In recent year, the topic of video games has been discussed widely. Many people think video games are non-dangerous form of entertainment, or still an advantageous method to learn new skills, whereas others argue that video games have bad impact on the people who play them. Although video games help people to develope skills and provide entertainment, I think the drawbacks of video games outhweigh the benifits because excessive playing of video games can lead to addiction, health problems and reduce social interaction.
On the one hand, playing video games can help students to release their stress when come back from the schools and tutions as it provide entertainment and attractive videos. In addition, playing video games can also help to increase the level of concentration as it needs so much focus and hand-eye coordination.
On the other hand, playing video games for long time can destroy the eyesight and can cause many health problems such as, obesity, fatigue and stuttering. In recent research, it has been concluded that many students lack the ability of speaking. One of the main reason for this is lack of confidence. Nowdays children do not interact with each other in real life and have no soical life. Moreover, sitting in the same position for long time can cause disturbance in the posture of body, especially between the should and neck which result into back pain in young age.
In conclusion, playing video games can be helpful only if their are strict time limits. However, parents should distribute the time of the day between the video games and outdoor physical activity.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
9 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| year | years |
| non-dangerous | nondangerous |
| develope | develop |
| outhweigh | outweigh |
| benifits | benefits |
| tutions | tuitions |
| soical | social |
| should | shoulder |
| their | there |
Grammatical Mistakes
9 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| bad impact | negative impact | The adjective 'bad' is too informal in an academic context; 'negative' is more appropriate. |
| impact on the people | impact on people | The article 'the' is unnecessary as the statement refers to people in general. |
| when come back from the schools and tutions | when they come back from school and tuition | Subject 'they' is missing, and pluralization is not needed for general references to 'school' and 'tuition'. |
| it provide entertainment | it provides entertainment | Subject-verb agreement: 'it' requires the singular verb form 'provides'. |
| for long time | for a long time | Missing article 'a' in the noun phrase. |
| such as, obesity | such as obesity | The comma is unnecessary in this phrase. |
| One of the main reason | One of the main reasons | The noun 'reasons' should be plural to match the phrase 'one of the'. |
| sicitting in the same position | sitting in the same position | Typo: 'sicitting' should be 'sitting'. |
| result into | result in | 'Result in' is the correct prepositional phrase. |
Vocabulary Improvements
3 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| has been discussed widely | has gained significant attention | 'Gained significant attention' is more precise in an academic context. |
| bad impact | adverse impact | 'Adverse' is a more formal and academic term for 'bad'. |
| provide entertainment and attractive videos | provide entertainment through interactive media | 'Interactive media' is a more precise term that encompasses video game features. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay adequately addresses the task by discussing both sides of the argument. The writer has a clear position that the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits.
Examples
The essay states, 'Although video games help people to develope skills and provide entertainment, I think the drawbacks of video games outhweigh the benifits...'
How to Improve
To improve, supply more detailed examples and extend the analysis for each point, which would provide stronger support for your position.
Coherence & Cohesion5.5
Evaluation
There is an overall logical structure, but transitions between ideas are not always clear or effective.
Examples
The transition from benefits to drawbacks lacks a linking phrase or sentence to enhance cohesion.
How to Improve
Work on using transitional phrases to connect ideas smoothly and guide the reader more effectively from one point to the next.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
Lexical resource is somewhat limited with noticeable spelling errors and occasional incorrect word choices.
Examples
Examples include 'develope', 'outhweigh', 'benifits', 'soical', and 'Nowdays'.
How to Improve
Expand your range of vocabulary and focus on correct spelling and context-appropriate word use.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
The essay displays a limited range of grammatical structures and frequent errors in sentence construction, spelling, and agreement.
Examples
Errors include, 'In recent year', 'video games are non-dangerous form of entertainment', and 'have no soical life.'
How to Improve
Practice using a wider range of sentence structures and pay attention to basic grammar rules to reduce errors. Proofread to catch and correct common mistakes.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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