In this Band 5.5 essay discussing video games, the writer presents both drawbacks and benefits but lacks depth and sufficient examples. Key issues include an incomplete response to the task and coherence challenges that hinder clarity. Improve your IELTS preparation by learning from targeted feedback on these aspects.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) · Video games · 40 min
Video games are seen by some as a harmless form of entertainment, or even a useful way to learn new skills. However, others argue that video games have a negative impact on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay partially addresses the task but falls short of the required word count (219 words instead of 250). While the writer presents some arguments for both the drawbacks and benefits of video games, the ideas are underdeveloped and lack sufficient examples or depth. The essay also suffers from grammatical errors, limited vocabulary, and issues with coherence and cohesion.
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Videogames can be seen as harmless form of entertainment but i beleive that video games have more drawbacks than benefits.
Videogames are an easy to available source of entertainment these days. Lot of video games are available to download from internet and especially kids have easy access to them. A lot of games have violent content. These games when played certainly have a negative impact on children and some adults too. They become more violent and aggressive and this behavior causes trouble for everyone in society.
Here the role of parents is very crucial . Parents have to be more vigilant and have to keep an eye on children to see what kind of videogames they play. More screentime and videogames makes children less sociable and it also imapcts negatively on their grades. Moreover, the sleep time also gets disturbed . People who excessively play video games become short tempered, secondly their focus on daily life routine tasks becomes poor.
However, there are few benefits such as playing violent content" title="Correction: educational video games with non-violent content">good videogames which have non violent and learning content like puzzles and mind games can be good for solving daily life problems. Videogames are a good option for entertainment for introverts . Moreover people who have any disability can also take advantage of it . Sometime bad weather conditions also makes
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
5 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| beleive | believe |
| Videogames | Video games |
| imapcts | impacts |
| screentime | screen time |
| Sometime | Sometimes |
Grammatical Mistakes
9 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| Videogames can be seen as harmless form of entertainment | Video games can be seen as a harmless form of entertainment | Missing article 'a' before 'harmless form of entertainment'. |
| i beleive | I believe | Capitalization error: 'I' should always be capitalized. |
| Lot of video games are available | A lot of video games are available | Missing article 'A' before 'lot of'. |
| These games when played certainly have a negative impact | These games, when played, certainly have a negative impact | Missing commas to separate the dependent clause. |
| More screentime and videogames makes children less sociable | More screen time and video games make children less sociable | Subject-verb agreement: 'games' is plural, so 'make' should be used instead of 'makes'. |
| it also imapcts negatively on their grades | it also negatively impacts their grades | Word order: Adverbs like 'negatively' should precede the verb 'impacts'. |
| the sleep time also gets disturbed | their sleep schedule also gets disturbed | Improved phrasing for clarity and precision. |
| secondly their focus on daily life routine tasks becomes poor | secondly, their focus on daily routine tasks deteriorates | Improved phrasing for clarity and conciseness. |
| Moreover people who have any disability can also take advantage of it | Moreover, people with disabilities can also benefit from it | Improved phrasing for inclusivity and conciseness. |
Vocabulary Improvements
5 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| easy to available | easily available | Incorrect collocation: 'easily available' is the correct phrase. |
| violent content | graphic or violent content | Adding 'graphic' provides a more precise description. |
| trouble for everyone in society | issues within society | More formal and precise phrasing. |
| good videogames which have non violent and learning content | educational video games with non-violent content | Improved phrasing for clarity and academic tone. |
| bad weather conditions also makes | adverse weather conditions also make | Improved vocabulary for precision and subject-verb agreement. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5
Evaluation
The essay addresses the task by discussing both the drawbacks and benefits of video games. However, the response is underdeveloped, with limited elaboration and insufficient examples to support the arguments. Additionally, the essay does not meet the minimum word count requirement of 250 words.
Examples
The writer mentions violent content in video games and its impact on children but does not provide specific examples or evidence. Similarly, the benefits of video games, such as their usefulness for introverts or people with disabilities, are mentioned briefly without elaboration.
How to Improve
Expand on the points made by providing specific examples, evidence, or explanations. For instance, discuss a particular study or example of how violent video games affect behavior. Ensure the essay meets the word count requirement by adding more depth to the arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion5.5
Evaluation
The essay is somewhat organized, but the ideas are not fully developed or logically connected. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs are limited, and the conclusion is incomplete.
Examples
The paragraph about the role of parents is not well-connected to the overall argument. The essay ends abruptly with an incomplete sentence ('Sometime bad weather conditions also makes').
How to Improve
Use linking words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas (e.g., 'Furthermore,' 'In addition,' 'On the other hand'). Ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument and that the essay has a clear conclusion.
Lexical Resource5.5
Evaluation
The vocabulary is adequate but limited, with some repetition and a lack of variety. There are occasional errors in word choice and spelling.
Examples
Repetitive use of 'video games' and 'negative impact.' Spelling errors such as 'beleive' (believe), 'imapcts' (impacts), and 'screentime' (screen time).
How to Improve
Expand your range of vocabulary by using synonyms and more precise terms. For example, instead of 'negative impact,' use 'detrimental effect' or 'adverse consequences.' Pay attention to spelling and word choice.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
The essay contains frequent grammatical errors, including issues with sentence structure, punctuation, and subject-verb agreement. There is limited use of complex sentence structures.
Examples
Errors include 'Videogames are an easy to available source of entertainment' (should be 'easily available'), 'Parents have to be more vigilant and have to keep an eye on children to see what kind of videogames they play' (awkward phrasing), and 'More screentime and videogames makes children less sociable' (should be 'make').
How to Improve
Focus on improving sentence structure and grammar. Practice using complex sentences and ensure subject-verb agreement. Proofread your work to identify and correct errors in punctuation and phrasing.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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