This Band 5 IELTS essay on relocating businesses discusses traffic congestion in major cities and presents clarity issues in arguments. While the essay meets the word count, it lacks depth and contains frequent language errors, hindering clear communication of ideas.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) Β· Urban Planning Β· 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
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Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count of 253 words but presents a limited response. It partially addresses the prompt with underdeveloped arguments and frequent language errors that reduce clarity. The position is clear (partial agreement), but ideas are repetitive and lack depth.
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Major businesses and industries and their employments are moved from urban areas to rural areas. it can be significant solution for troubles of traffic congection and housing in big cities. I partly agree with this option.
On the one hand, relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be very useful solution for the issues of traffic confection and housing in big cities. Nowadays, there are a lot of traffic in the big city because there are a lot of bussinesses and industries, bildings. So people move cities for working and living there and people ride their own car for going to work. Therefore, traffic increase during working hours. if businesses and industries and their workers are moved rural areas, traffic decrease in big cities.
On the other hand, moving bisinesses and industries and their employments rural areas bad for some workers" title="Correction: could be bad for some workers">could be a bad some workers because every worker do not go rural areas because it can be long distance between work and home and they struggle managing time. As a result, they do not work and businesses income increase. If people do not work and continue to work in city, issues of traffic congection and housing in major cities are maintained
In conclusion, although relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas is very good solution for the issues of traffic congection and housing in major cities, there are some difficulties for people like struggling time managment and going long distance.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
6 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| congection | congestion |
| confection | congestion |
| bussinesses | businesses |
| bildings | buildings |
| bisinesses | businesses |
| managment | management |
Grammatical Mistakes
12 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| it can be significant solution | it can be a significant solution | Article missing before 'significant' |
| there are a lot of traffic | there is a lot of traffic | Subject-verb agreement: 'traffic' is uncountable, so use 'is' |
| people ride their own car | people drive their own cars | Verb-noun collocation: 'drive' is used with cars; also, 'car' should be plural for general statement |
| traffic increase | traffic increases | Subject-verb agreement: 'traffic' is singular, so verb takes -s |
| are moved rural areas | are moved to rural areas | Preposition 'to' missing after 'moved' |
| traffic decrease | traffic decreases | Subject-verb agreement: 'traffic' is singular, so verb takes -s |
| could be a bad some workers | could be bad for some workers | Incorrect word order and missing preposition; remove 'a' and add 'for' |
| every worker do not go rural areas | not every worker can go to rural areas | Subject-verb agreement: 'worker' is singular, so 'does not'; but better rephrased with modal 'can' and preposition 'to'; also, negation placement improved |
| it can be long distance | it can be a long distance | Article missing before 'long distance' |
| they struggle managing time | they struggle with managing time | Preposition 'with' missing before gerund |
| businesses income increase | business income decreases | Possessive form: 'business income' or 'businesses' income'; also, from context, income should decrease, not increase |
| issues of traffic congection and housing in major cities are maintained | issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities persist | Verb choice: 'maintained' is not appropriate; use 'persist' or 'remain' |
Vocabulary Improvements
9 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| employments | employees | Uncountable noun misuse; use 'employees' for workers or 'jobs' for positions |
| troubles | problems | More academic word choice |
| big cities | major cities | More formal alternative |
| ride their own car | drive their own cars | Collocation: we drive cars, not ride them (unless it's a bike or horse) |
| traffic confection | traffic congestion | Wrong word; 'confection' is sweets; 'congestion' is traffic jam |
| bad | detrimental | Vague; more precise word to describe negative impact |
| businesses income | business income | Compound noun or possessive: 'business income' is standard |
| maintained | persist | Collocation: issues persist, not maintained |
| going long distance | commuting long distances | More accurate term for traveling to work over long distances |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5
Evaluation
The essay responds to the prompt but with limited development. The position (partial agreement) is stated, but ideas are not fully extended or supported. For example, it mentions that relocating businesses reduces traffic but does not explain how this solves housing issues. The counterargument about workers' difficulties is introduced but lacks elaboration.
Examples
The essay states: 'if businesses and industries and their workers are moved rural areas, traffic decrease in big cities.' This is a simplistic claim without detailed explanation. The counterargument about workers struggling with distance and time management is mentioned but not explored.
How to Improve
Develop ideas further by providing specific examples and explanations. For instance, explain how reducing business density in cities lowers population pressure, easing housing demand and traffic. Expand on counterarguments by discussing potential solutions like remote work or improved rural infrastructure.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, but logical flow is awkward. Paragraphs are present but not well-connected, and cohesive devices are used minimally. Some sentences are confusing, affecting overall coherence.
Examples
Transitions like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' are used, but the connection between ideas is weak. Sentences such as 'On the other hand, moving bisinesses and industries and their employments rural areas could be a bad some workers' are unclear and disrupt flow.
How to Improve
Use a range of cohesive devices (e.g., however, furthermore, as a result) to link ideas smoothly. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details. Plan the essay structure before writing to improve logical progression.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is limited and repetitive, with frequent spelling errors. Word choice is basic, and there is little variety in lexical items. Errors in spelling and word form hinder communication.
Examples
Misspellings like 'congection' (congestion), 'bussinesses' (businesses), and 'bildings' (buildings). Repetition of words like 'solution' and 'traffic' without synonyms. Incorrect word forms: 'employments' should be 'employees' or 'jobs'.
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary by learning topic-related terms (e.g., 'urban sprawl', 'commuting', 'infrastructure'). Use synonyms to avoid repetition. Proofread carefully to correct spelling errors and practice using words in context.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
Grammatical errors are frequent and affect meaning. Sentence structures are simple and often incorrect, with issues in subject-verb agreement, tense, and article usage. Errors reduce clarity and sophistication.
Examples
Incorrect: 'employments are moved' (should be 'employees are relocated'). 'traffic decrease' (should be 'traffic decreases'). 'they struggle managing time' (should be 'they struggle with time management'). Missing articles: 'a significant solution'.
How to Improve
Focus on grammatical accuracy by reviewing rules for subject-verb agreement, tenses, and articles. Practice constructing complex sentences with clauses. Proofread essays to identify and correct errors, and consider using grammar check tools for feedback.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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