This Band 5 IELTS essay discusses the relocation of businesses to address urban issues like traffic congestion and housing. While it surfaces some relevant points, it struggles with coherence and relevance, often veering off-topic. Understanding these feedback elements is crucial for improvement.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) Β· Urban Planning Β· 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
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Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count of 256 words. It presents a clear position of disagreement but fails to fully develop arguments related to traffic congestion and housing. The response includes some irrelevant points about agricultural land and pollution, which are not directly tied to the prompt's core issues. Organization is basic with attempts at paragraphing, but coherence is hindered by poor logical progression and linking. Vocabulary is limited with frequent spelling errors, and grammar exhibits multiple inaccuracies, affecting clarity.
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Some people believe that shifting huge enterprises, company and their employes from cities to villages is beneficial to control traffic jam and residential problem in big cities. I strongly disagree with this because it can cause financial crisis for many people. Although this essay will discuss both the views in the upcoming passage.
On the one hand, trasferring business to some extend reduce problems in urban area. However, residential apartments will be built in place of industries, it can secure a place of living for many people. For exemple, individuals shift in cities for better carrer opportunities face problem for finding a suitable place for living, so this can solve problems for them. Additionally, roads can be extended and rebuilt to solve severe traffic problems. To illustrate, government can construct highways for easy and safe commuting. Consequently making travelling more effective.
On the other hand, it has many disadvantages. Many families are completely depend on their agriculture land, so they will acquire agriculture lands and take their source of income. Furthermore, it will cause pollution which will harm the sorrundings, cause soil less fertile and destroy many living beings habitat. Secondly, rural area have many natural ecosystem, the pollution from these enterprises can vandalise these ecosystem and organisms living in them. As a result, this have hazardous and irreversible impact on our lentic ecosystem.
In conclusion, the dismerits are more sever then merits benefits. It can reduce problems like traffic and aparments, but can lead to detrimental impact on people and animals living in rural area.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
11 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| employes | employees |
| trasferring | transferring |
| exemple | example |
| carrer | career |
| sorrundings | surroundings |
| vandalise | vandalize |
| dismerits | demerits |
| sever | severe |
| then | than |
| aparments | apartments |
| extend | extent |
Grammatical Mistakes
12 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| shifting huge enterprises, company and their employes | shifting huge enterprises, companies, and their employees | Plural agreement needed for 'companies' and correct spelling of 'employees' |
| is beneficial to control traffic jam and residential problem | is beneficial for controlling traffic jams and residential problems | Use 'for controlling' and plural forms for clarity |
| Although this essay will discuss both the views in the upcoming passage. | This essay will discuss both views in the upcoming passages. | 'Although' is incorrectly used as a standalone; remove it for a complete sentence |
| trasferring business to some extend reduce problems | transferring businesses to some extent reduces problems | Subject-verb agreement: 'transferring' is singular, so 'reduces'; also correct spelling and use 'extent' |
| However, residential apartments will be built in place of industries, it can secure a place of living for many people. | However, if residential apartments are built in place of industries, this can secure housing for many people. | Run-on sentence; use conditional clause for clarity |
| For exemple, individuals shift in cities for better carrer opportunities face problem for finding a suitable place for living | For example, individuals who move to cities for better career opportunities face problems in finding suitable housing. | Multiple errors: 'shift in' to 'move to', 'face problem' to 'face problems', 'place for living' to 'housing' |
| Consequently making travelling more effective. | Consequently, this would make traveling more efficient. | Fragment; connect to previous sentence or rephrase as a complete sentence |
| Many families are completely depend on their agriculture land | Many families are completely dependent on their agricultural land | 'are depend' is incorrect; use 'are dependent' or 'depend' |
| Furthermore, it will cause pollution which will harm the sorrundings, cause soil less fertile and destroy many living beings habitat. | Furthermore, it will cause pollution that will harm the surroundings, make the soil less fertile, and destroy the habitats of many living beings. | Parallel structure and correct phrasing for 'make soil less fertile' and 'habitats' |
| Secondly, rural area have many natural ecosystem | Secondly, rural areas have many natural ecosystems | Subject-verb agreement: 'areas' plural, so 'have'; 'ecosystem' should be plural |
| As a result, this have hazardous and irreversible impact on our lentic ecosystem. | As a result, this has a hazardous and irreversible impact on our entire ecosystem. | Subject-verb agreement: 'this has'; 'impact' requires an article 'a'; 'lentic' likely incorrect, use 'entire' |
| In conclusion, the dismerits are more sever then merits benefits. | In conclusion, the demerits are more severe than the merits. | Spelling corrections and remove redundant 'benefits' |
Vocabulary Improvements
11 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| traffic jam | traffic congestion | More formal and precise term for academic writing |
| residential problem | housing crisis | Vague; specify for clarity in urban context |
| secure a place of living | provide housing | More concise and academic expression |
| solve severe traffic problems | alleviate traffic congestion | 'Alleviate' is more precise than 'solve' for ongoing issues |
| easy and safe commuting | efficient and safe commuting | 'Easy' is informal; 'efficient' is better for formal essays |
| completely depend on | heavily reliant on | More formal expression |
| agriculture land | agricultural land | Correct collocation |
| take their source of income | deprive them of their livelihood | More precise and formal phrasing |
| harm the sorrundings | damage the environment | 'Surroundings' is vague; 'environment' is standard academic term |
| vandalise these ecosystem | damage these ecosystems | 'Vandalize' implies intentional destruction; 'damage' is more neutral and appropriate |
| lentic ecosystem | entire ecosystem | 'Lentic' is specific to still water; likely a misuse, so correct to broader term |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5
Evaluation
The essay states a position of strong disagreement but does not sufficiently develop arguments for or against the relocation in relation to traffic and housing. Some points, such as financial crisis and agricultural land loss, are not fully relevant to the prompt.
Examples
The introduction mentions 'financial crisis for many people' without elaboration. The body discusses residential apartments and highway construction but does not convincingly link these to the relocation proposal. The conclusion abruptly states demerits are more severe without summarizing key arguments.
How to Improve
Focus on directly addressing the prompt by discussing how relocation would impact traffic congestion and housing in cities, and potentially create new issues in rural areas. Provide specific examples and evidence to support each point. Ensure all arguments are relevant to the question.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the logical flow is weak, and ideas are not well-connected. Paragraphing is present but within paragraphs, sentences lack cohesion.
Examples
The first body paragraph starts with 'On the one hand' but shifts between points without clear transitions. Phrases like 'Consequently making travelling more effective' are not properly linked. The second paragraph jumps from agricultural land to pollution without smooth connections.
How to Improve
Use a range of cohesive devices (e.g., furthermore, however, therefore) to link ideas. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting sentences that flow logically. Plan the essay structure to present arguments in a coherent order.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is limited and often inaccurate. There are several spelling errors and inappropriate word choices, which hinder communication.
Examples
Misspellings: 'employes' (employees), 'trasferring' (transferring), 'sorrundings' (surroundings), 'dismerits' (demerits), 'aparments' (apartments). Inaccurate use: 'acquire agriculture lands' (possibly meaning 'lose agricultural land'), 'lentic ecosystem' (likely a mistake).
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary by reading model essays and noting topic-related words. Practice spelling and use a dictionary to check word meanings. Avoid using complex words incorrectly; focus on clarity and accuracy.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
Grammar is problematic with frequent errors in verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. This affects the readability and accuracy of the message.
Examples
'Many families are completely depend' (should be 'dependent'), 'this have hazardous' (should be 'has'), 'then merits benefits' (should be 'than the merits'). Sentence fragments like 'Consequently making travelling more effective.'
How to Improve
Review basic grammar rules, especially verb forms and agreement. Practice writing complex sentences correctly. Proofread essays to identify and correct errors. Consider using grammar checking tools for practice.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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