In this Band 5 IELTS essay on early career choices, the writer discusses the benefits of selecting a career path early. While addressing financial stability, the essay suffers from grammatical errors and clarity issues, impacting the overall understanding of the arguments.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) · Career Path · 40 min
Some people choose and pursue a career path early in their lives. They argue that this makes their working life more satisfying. How strongly do you agree with this perspective? What other things can people do to enjoy a satisfying working life?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: Hello User. The essay adequately addresses the question by discussing the advantages of choosing a career path early and suggesting other ways to enjoy a satisfying working life. However, there are numerous grammatical and lexical errors that impact understanding and coherence. The essay lacks clear and logical progression of ideas.
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Choosing a carrer path is most important factor in person's entire life. Some people believe that the finalized the carrer path in their early life is good decision in their life journey. I strongly agree the choosing the work placement in early life make finnancial stable and responsible to family. I will also discuss what are the major component which makes more satisfying and happier thier working life.
Getting a better job placement in young age grants finnancial stability and support their family. Employment opportunity grants regular source of income and less dependency on family for their daily necessities. For example, person can buy as thier want, no need to depend on their parents. In addition, it can contribute the nation growth by reduce unemployment rate. Paying a goverment tax in early life, support the goverment for nation building and also reduce the unemployment rate.
On the other hand, there are several activities where people enjoy their working life by planning international tour and outperform in their interest. Once or twice a year they can plan for international trip with their collageus and family. It reduce thier mental stress from their work life and make strong bonding with their family and friends. Furthermore, getting a work placement according to experties and strength employment make better satisfying the working life. If a person get their job on their own interest, the work is not just a work its a game. For exam, medical student get a job as a doctor it gives him strong passion on it and also they gives better performance.
In conclusion, early carrer working life make people finanncially stable and gaining respondibiity of family. I believe getting a early carrer job is best important things in life. For making the working life more satisfying they can plan for internationl tour.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
6 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| carrer | career |
| finnancial | financial |
| thier | their |
| collageus | colleagues |
| goverment | government |
| internationl | international |
Grammatical Mistakes
10 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| Choosing a carrer path is most important factor in person's entire life. | Choosing a career path is the most important factor in a person's entire life. | Article misuse: 'the' needed for superlative 'most important'. Missing article 'a' before 'person's'. |
| the finalized the carrer path | finalizing the career path | Incorrect phrase structure: 'the finalized the' needs to change to 'finalizing the'. |
| I strongly agree the choosing | I strongly agree that choosing | Conjunction 'that' needed after 'agree'. |
| make finnancial stable | makes one financially stable | Subject-verb agreement: 'make' should be 'makes'. Missing word 'one'. |
| which makes more satisfying and happier thier working life | which make their working life more satisfying and happier | Order and use of comparative phrases: more satisfying and happier |
| support their family | supports their family | Subject-verb agreement: 'support' should be 'supports' |
| for example, person can | for example, a person can | Missing article 'a'. |
| no need to depend | there is no need to depend | Incomplete sentence structure. |
| it can contribute the nation growth by reduce unemployment rate | it can contribute to national growth by reducing the unemployment rate | Incorrect preposition use: 'to' needed after 'contribute'. Word form and article use: 'reducing' and 'the unemployment rate'. |
| conclusion, early carrer working life make people | conclusion, an early career working life makes people | Improper article use and subject-verb agreement: 'an' needed and 'makes' instead of 'make'. |
Vocabulary Improvements
3 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| responsible to family | responsible for family | Incorrect preposition use; 'for' is more appropriate. |
| outperform in their interest | excel in their areas of interest | Wrong collocation: 'excel in' is more academically appropriate than 'outperform in'. |
| Employment opportunity grants | Employment opportunities provide | Incorrect collocation: 'opportunities provide' is more suitable than 'opportunities grants'. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5.5
Evaluation
The essay responds to the prompt by agreeing with the idea of deciding on a career early and provides examples and reasons. It also briefly suggests other ways to achieve job satisfaction.
Examples
The essay mentions financial stability and supporting family as reasons for choosing a career early.
How to Improve
Enhance the depth of analysis and ensure that the discussion is clearly linked to the question. Provide more detailed examples or explanations to strengthen your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
The essay attempts to follow a coherent structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is not very clear, impacting the readability.
Examples
Transitions between paragraphs and ideas are weak or unclear, affecting flow.
How to Improve
Use clearer signposting and more cohesive devices to link ideas and ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Explicitly guide the reader through your argument.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, with frequent errors in word choice and formality.
Examples
Errors like 'finnancial,' 'carrer,' 'goverment,' and 'internationl' occur throughout the essay.
How to Improve
Expand your vocabulary range and ensure accurate use of words. Pay attention to spelling and formal language suitable for an academic essay.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy4.5
Evaluation
The essay contains frequent grammatical errors, including issues with subject-verb agreement, sentence structure, and incorrect word forms.
Examples
Problems like 'the finalized the carrer path' and 'the work is not just a work its a game' weaken clarity.
How to Improve
Review fundamental grammar rules, particularly focusing on sentence structure and verb usage. Proofreading your work can help identify repetitive errors.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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