This Band 5 IELTS essay on relocating businesses discusses the potential benefits for urban traffic and housing issues but struggles with clarity and depth. Key feedback points highlight the need for clearer organization and more detailed argumentation to support the main ideas.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) · Urban Planning · 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: Hello User, the essay discusses the topic, but lacks depth in argumentation and clarity in expression. While some relevant points are made, the response does not develop these ideas sufficiently and is hampered by numerous grammatical errors and awkward phrasing.
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changing location in big business,industries and their employees from city to village could be a better solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing and major cities . i completely agree with this view because migrating major industries could solve traffic congestion.However it creates some promlems in city life.
it is highly likely that relocating big business can improve rurual life.Although in village areas have number of open space rather than city, there are no major industries.For instance, many people come to the city for searching work.If some major industries and business can establish in rural area,people will work there.consquently,in urban area become free from traffic and people lead comfortable.However,people who come city for living and working there, theye suffer financial problem because rental cost and other cost are burden them.If people stay there village and work nearby industries, they can live easily and comfortable without rental cost. morover,it is really convenient for both urban and rural people if relocate major industries.
Another potential reason is housing problems and traffic congestion can solve if relocate big business.Most of the city are busy for some vehiches,especially in rush hours because many people go to their workplace and school.If some industries build in rural area,people do not come urban area for works .As a result, Traffic congestion issues could be solved for cities people and they can easily trasport in one place to another.In additionally, environment problems and also housing problems could be decrease if people work in village area.For example, In big industries release their wastage to water.As a result water and air are polluted for industries and human wastage.
In conclusion,it is a good idea for both village and city life.Relocating big business and industries can improve not only rural people but also urban inhabitants.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
7 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| promlems | problems |
| rurual | rural |
| consquently | consequently |
| theye | they |
| morover | moreover |
| vehiches | vehicles |
| trasport | transport |
Grammatical Mistakes
6 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| changing location in big business,industries and their employees | changing the location of big businesses, industries, and their employees | Article and preposition misuse; use 'the' and 'of' to specify the noun |
| in village areas have number of open space | village areas have a number of open spaces | Subject-verb agreement and article use; 'a number of' requires plural noun 'spaces' |
| urban area become free from traffic | urban areas become free from traffic | Subject-verb agreement; 'areas' is plural and requires 'become' |
| people lead comfortable | people live comfortably | Incorrect verb and adverb use; 'live comfortably' is correct |
| could be decrease | could decrease | Incorrect verb form; 'could' is followed by a base verb form |
| workplace and school | workplaces and schools | Parallel structure; plural 'workplaces' and 'schools' for consistency |
Vocabulary Improvements
3 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| major industries | large industries | More precise use of 'large' to describe the scale of industries |
| lead comfortable | live comfortably | Use 'live comfortably' for accurate meaning |
| burden them | are burdensome for them | Use 'burdensome' for a more formal and precise meaning |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5
Evaluation
The essay addresses the prompt by agreeing with the notion of relocating businesses to rural areas to address urban issues like traffic and housing. However, the arguments are not well-developed or supported with sufficient detail.
Examples
For instance, the essay mentions vague benefits like 'improve rural life' and 'convenient for both urban and rural people' without explaining how these outcomes would effectively resolve the issues.
How to Improve
To improve, the essay should include more specific examples and evidence to support the claims, addressing both the benefits and potential drawbacks comprehensively.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
The essay lacks clear organization, with ideas being presented in a somewhat jumbled manner. Transitions between points are weak, and the overall logical flow is compromised.
Examples
Phrases like 'it is highly likely' and 'however it creates some promlems in city life' appear abruptly without clear transitions from earlier points.
How to Improve
Enhance coherence by using clearer linking words and structuring the essay in a logical order, with clear introductions to each paragraph and ideas.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
The lexical range is limited, with repetitive vocabulary and occasional incorrect word usage. Some terms are not used precisely, affecting clarity.
Examples
Words like 'convenient' and 'comfortable' are used repetitively, and phrases like 'released their wastage to water' are awkwardly constructed.
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary by practicing by reading a variety of texts on different subjects and practicing using synonyms. Clearly understanding word meanings and appropriate contexts for use will also help.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, particularly in sentence structure, subject-verb agreement, and punctuation, impacting readability and comprehension.
Examples
Errors include 'people who come city for living' and 'they can easily trasport in one place to another'.
How to Improve
Focus on mastering basic grammatical structures, and practice writing complex sentences. Additionally, check for errors by reviewing grammar rules and possibly using grammar checking tools.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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