This Band 5 IELTS essay discusses the relocation of businesses to rural areas. It identifies coherence shortcomings and vocabulary limitations that hinder the overall argument. Understanding these issues is vital for enhancing your writing skills and achieving a higher score.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) Β· Urban Planning Β· 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
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Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay meets the 250-word minimum and addresses the prompt, presenting a partially agreed/disagreed position. However, the argument is underdeveloped, lacks clear reasoning, and the examples (Naivasha flower industries) are not fully linked to the issue of traffic congestion and housing. Coherence is weak due to poor paragraph structure and limited use of cohesive devices. Vocabulary is basic with noticeable errors ('alot', 'especialy', 'wokers'). Grammatical range is narrow, with frequent mistakes in subject-verb agreement, spelling, and punctuation. Overall, the essay demonstrates limited control of task requirements and language, resulting in a Band 5.
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In contemporary society,due to high traffic congestion and housing in major cities,individuals are opting to relocate their huge businesses and industries together with their workforce from urban centres to rural settings.I partially agree and partially disagree since there is high population in urban areas while at the same time there will be creation of jobs and cheaper houses in rural areas.
On one hand,most of businesses and industries tend to do well in urban centres since there is a growing population where residents cities get employed.This fosters their leaving since they are able to meet their daily needs and educate their children without much struggles.For instance,alot of people from different parts of Kenya has relocated to Naivasha town where they have acquired employment with the flower industries that have dominated the place. Thus,despite the raising traffic congestion and housing problem in major cities,wokers are able to thrive in those cities since business do extremely well.
On the hand, it would be of great help to people living in rural areas when businesses and industries are relocated to those areas.While in rural areas living expenses are quite cheaper compared to urban cities,people will be able to survive there especially due low house rents.In addition individuals in rural areas will have an opportunity to be employed in businesses as well as in industries.For example,industries located close to rural areas tend to employ individuals within the location where most of them commute from their own homes.
To conclude,having businesses and industries located in rural areas since to ease the living expenses especialy on housing while having them in urban centres ,more people are employed due to the high population despite the high traffic congestion.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
4 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| alot | a lot |
| especialy | especially |
| wokers | workers |
| raising | rising |
Grammatical Mistakes
5 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| This fosters their leaving | This improves their living | Wrong word choice; 'leaving' should be 'living' or 'livelihood' to convey the intended meaning |
| a lot of people ... has relocated | a lot of people ... have relocated | Subject-verb agreement: 'people' is plural, so use 'have' instead of 'has' |
| On the hand | On the other hand | Missing word 'other' in the fixed expression |
| especially due low house rents | especially due to low house rents | Missing preposition 'to' after 'due' |
| since to ease | seems to ease | Incorrect conjunction 'since' should be replaced with the verb 'seems' to form a proper predicate |
Vocabulary Improvements
4 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| huge businesses | large businesses | 'Huge' is informal; use 'large' or 'major' for a more academic tone |
| do well | thrive | 'Do well' is vague and informal; 'thrive' is more precise and formal |
| much struggles | many struggles | 'Much' is used with uncountable nouns; 'struggles' is countable plural, so use 'many' |
| quite cheaper | much cheaper | 'Quite' is not used with comparatives; use 'much' or 'significantly' instead |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response
5.5
Evaluation
The essay addresses the topic and states a partial agreement, but the position is not clearly maintained throughout. The arguments are superficial and lack specific evidence or detailed explanation of how relocation would solve traffic and housing issues. The example of Naivasha is mentioned but does not directly relate to the core problem.
Examples
The writer says 'individuals are opting to relocate...' but then discusses Naivasha as an example of people moving to a town for flower industry jobs, which contradicts the relocation argument. Confusion weakens response.
How to Improve
Clearly define your stance in the introduction. Develop each paragraph with a focused argument, using relevant examples that directly support the points. Explain the cause-effect relationship between relocation and solving traffic/housing.
Coherence and Cohesion
5
Evaluation
The essay has some paragraphing but lacks logical flow. The introduction is vague, and body paragraphs do not have clear topic sentences. Transitions are basic (e.g., 'On one hand', 'On the other hand'), and ideas jump between advantages and disadvantages without linking.
Examples
The second body paragraph starts with 'On the hand' (missing 'other'), and the conclusion repeats ideas without synthesizing. The connection between sentences is often unclear.
How to Improve
Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph. Improve logical sequencing (e.g., first discuss one side, then the other). Use cohesive devices like 'however', 'furthermore', 'as a result' to connect ideas. Ensure each paragraph has one main idea.
Lexical Resource
5
Evaluation
Vocabulary range is limited to basic words (e.g., 'good', 'help', 'big'). There are several spelling errors ('alot', 'especialy', 'wokers', 'thrive' used incorrectly). Some word choices are inappropriate ('fosters their leaving' is unclear).
Examples
'due to high traffic congestion and housing' should be 'due to high traffic congestion and housing problems'. 'residents cities get employed' is grammatically incorrect and awkward.
How to Improve
Expand your vocabulary related to urban planning, economics, and relocation. Practice using synonyms (e.g., 'alleviate', 'relocate', 'inhabitants'). Proofread for spelling errors. Use collocations like 'ease congestion', 'affordable housing'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
5
Evaluation
Sentence structures are mostly simple with frequent errors. Subject-verb agreement is inconsistent (e.g., 'businesses...tend to do well' is correct, but 'workers are able to thrive' has correct verb but previous errors). Punctuation is missing (missing commas, run-on sentences).
Examples
'individuals are opting to relocate... I partially agree and partially disagree since there is high population' – missing comma after 'disagree'. 'For instance,alot of people from different parts of Kenya has relocated' – 'has' should be 'have'.
How to Improve
Practice writing complex sentences using subordinate clauses (e.g., 'Although relocating businesses may reduce urban congestion, it could lead to other problems'). Review subject-verb agreement and article usage. Use commas correctly to separate clauses.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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