This Band 5 IELTS essay discusses relocating businesses from urban to rural areas. It faces challenges with coherence and grammar, making the argument less persuasive. Key improvements involve structuring ideas clearly and enhancing vocabulary for better expression.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) Β· Urban Planning Β· 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
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Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count (252 words) and addresses the prompt by stating agreement with relocating businesses to rural areas. However, the response lacks depth: arguments are simplistic, examples are vague (e.g., 'ambulance cannot reach hospital'), and the position is not fully developed. Coherence is weak due to poor paragraph structure and lack of logical connectors. Lexical range is limited with frequent spelling errors (e.g., 'buisness', 'essesntial', 'increaing'). Grammatical errors are pervasive, affecting clarity. Overall, the essay demonstrates limited control and requires significant improvement to reach a higher band.
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These days, traffic and housing issues create a massive problem in cities. Some people believe that the shifting large scale buisnessesand industries from urban location to rural location solve these major issues. I completely agree with these steps and in this essay I will support my opinion with examples.
Firstly, traffic issues make a series of problem in emergencies situation. For example, many ambulance cannot reach to hospital at time cause death or make the health situations critical. These traffic of cars makes the environment toxic with pollution. If we shift the industrial areas from cities to rural areas with providing benefits then the traffic issues can be solve.
Another reason I agree with relocating with these steps that these buisness issues and industries require large amount of areas which also cause the housing problems for common person.These peoples move to that areas where daily needs like water, food markets, hospitals etc are far away from their location make their daily life more disturbing and difficult. For instance cities have more markets and hospitals which are very accessible for common person rather than in rural areas.
In conclusion, although it is a common belief that human population is increaing rapidly speically in asian counties. good results" title="Correction: I believe if we take these steps by moving industrial businesses and large factories from cities to rural areas with their workers, it will yield good results">I believe if we take these steps by moving the industrial buisness and large factories from cities to rural areas with their workers make a good results on human lifestyle which is their essesntial need. Personally, I think government should action on these strategies as much as possible
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
7 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| buisnessesand | businesses and |
| buisness | business |
| solve | solves |
| peoples | people |
| increaing | increasing |
| speically | especially |
| essesntial | essential |
Grammatical Mistakes
10 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| traffic and housing issues create a massive problem in cities | traffic and housing issues create massive problems in cities | Plural form 'problems' is needed to match the context. |
| shifting large scale buisnessesand industries from urban location to rural location solve these major issues | shifting large-scale businesses and industries from urban locations to rural locations solves these major issues | Subject-verb agreement: 'shifting' is singular and requires 'solves'; plural forms 'locations' are needed for consistency. |
| traffic issues make a series of problem in emergencies situation | traffic issues cause a series of problems in emergency situations | Correct verb usage ('cause' instead of 'make') and plural forms ('problems' and 'situations') are required. |
| many ambulance cannot reach to hospital at time cause death or make the health situations critical | many ambulances cannot reach hospitals on time, causing deaths or making health situations critical | Plural form 'ambulances' is needed; 'hospitals' should be plural; 'on time' is the correct phrase; 'causing' and 'making' ensure proper sentence structure. |
| these traffic of cars makes the environment toxic with pollution | this traffic of cars makes the environment toxic due to pollution | Correct article usage ('this' instead of 'these') and proper preposition ('due to' instead of 'with'). |
| the traffic issues can be solve | the traffic issues can be solved | Correct verb form: 'solved' is the past participle required after 'can be.' |
| require large amount of areas which also cause the housing problems for common person | require large amounts of space, which also causes housing problems for the common person | Correct plural form ('amounts of space'); 'causes' ensures subject-verb agreement; 'the common person' is more appropriate. |
| make their daily life more disturbing and difficult | makes their daily lives more challenging and difficult | Subject-verb agreement ('makes'); plural form ('lives'); 'challenging' is a more precise word choice. |
| I believe if we take these steps by moving the industrial buisness and large factories from cities to rural areas with their workers make a good results | I believe if we take these steps by moving industrial businesses and large factories from cities to rural areas with their workers, it will yield good results | Correct plural form ('businesses'); 'make a good results' is ungrammatical and replaced with 'it will yield good results.' |
| government should action on these strategies | the government should take action on these strategies | Correct article usage ('the government'); 'take action' is the correct collocation. |
Vocabulary Improvements
5 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| massive problem | significant issue | 'Significant issue' is more formal and appropriate for academic writing. |
| make the health situations critical | worsen health conditions | 'Worsen health conditions' is more precise and formal. |
| these peoples | these people | 'People' is already plural; 'peoples' is incorrect in this context. |
| make their daily life more disturbing | disrupt their daily lives | 'Disrupt' is a more precise and formal alternative to 'make...disturbing.' |
| good results | positive outcomes | 'Positive outcomes' is more formal and suitable for academic writing. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5
Evaluation
The writer agrees with the statement but only provides two underdeveloped points: traffic causing emergency delays and businesses taking up space. There is no clear discussion of the extent of agreement or counter-arguments. Examples are generic and not effectively linked to the argument. The conclusion repeats the opinion without summarizing key points.
Examples
The first body paragraph mentions ambulances stuck in traffic but does not explain how relocation specifically solves this. The second paragraph talks about housing problems but then shifts to accessibility of markets in cities vs. rural areas, which is not directly about housing.
How to Improve
Develop each point with specific, real-world examples and explain the cause-and-effect relationship clearly. Address potential drawbacks or alternative solutions to show a balanced view. Ensure the conclusion summarizes the main arguments and restates your position.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure (introduction, two body paragraphs, conclusion), but ideas are not logically connected. Transitions are missing or weak (e.g., 'Firstly', 'Another reason'). The conclusion is disjointed and introduces new ideas (population increase in Asian countries). Paragraphs lack clear topic sentences.
Examples
The first body paragraph jumps from traffic to environment without a clear link. The second body paragraph mixes housing problems with accessibility of facilities. The conclusion mentions 'human population is increasing' which was not discussed earlier.
How to Improve
Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph. Use cohesive devices (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'As a result', 'On the other hand') to link ideas. Ensure each paragraph focuses on one main point. Rewrite the conclusion to summarise the essay without introducing new information.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is limited and repetitive. There are frequent spelling errors (e.g., 'buisness' for 'business', 'essesntial' for 'essential', 'increaing' for 'increasing', 'speically' for 'especially'). Word choice is often inappropriate or informal (e.g., 'make a series of problem', 'common person'). No use of less common or academic vocabulary.
Examples
'traffic issues make a series of problem' should be 'cause a series of problems'; 'These traffic of cars makes the environment toxic' is awkward; 'common person' is too informal for academic writing.
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary by learning synonyms for common words (e.g., 'problem' β 'issue', 'challenge', 'difficulty'). Practice spelling common academic words. Use more precise terms (e.g., 'congestion' instead of 'traffic issues', 'relocation' instead of 'shifting'). Read sample IELTS essays to see appropriate register.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy4.5
Evaluation
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement ('traffic issues make...problem'), incorrect verb forms ('solve' β 'solved'), missing articles, and run-on sentences. Sentence structures are simple and often incorrect. Punctuation is inconsistent.
Examples
'If we shift the industrial areas...then the traffic issues can be solve' (should be 'solved'). 'These peoples move to that areas' (should be 'people move to those areas'). 'government should action on these strategies' (should be 'take action on').
How to Improve
Review basic grammar rules, especially subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and plural forms. Practice writing complex sentences using conjunctions (e.g., 'because', 'although'). Proofread carefully for errors. Consider using shorter, correct sentences until accuracy improves.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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