Achieving a band 5 in the IELTS Writing Task 2 is challenging, as seen in this essay about relocating industries. The essay struggles with clarity and focus, failing to adequately discuss how such relocation could resolve traffic congestion and housing shortages in cities. Addressing these key issues could significantly enhance the response.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) Β· Urban Planning Β· 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
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Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count of 250 words (288 words actual). However, it lacks focus on the specific issues of traffic congestion and housing, with arguments often irrelevant or underdeveloped. Frequent language errors hinder clarity and coherence.
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As we move further into the twenty-first century, It is observed thatb due urbanisation and globalisation overcrowd and pollution is become a major concern in metro cities.In this context, some experts believed that vast businesses, factories, and employees is a better solution" title="Correction: transforming vast businesses, factories, and employees is a better solution">transformation of vast businesses ,factories and employees are the better solutions for resolved traffic congestion and housing shortage in metropolitan cities.I strongly agree with this opinion.This essay will discuss all the aspects with valid reasons and appropriate examples.
The formost reasons of my inclination is that, over population in big cities are leading to reduce qualities of lives.For instance, if in well known company vacancy is only 40 employees and have 80 interwers are standing in line.
It may lead to unemployment and reduced income of normal middle-class families.Moreover, there are also raising crisies for health related service,house shortage and education .this may lead to decrease standard of living.
Fuerthermore,if major factories and businesses shifting in country side area ,it may help to opportunities to work of rural public.beside this ,due to large companies the communicate facilities and education rate improve. besides this , crime rate and poverty ration declined significantly.
industrial shifting happens" title="Correction: However, if industrial shifting happens">However, supposed that, industrial shifting are happen then the major risk is this pollution and noice may ruine the natural beauty of villages. This may lead to detrimental effects on entire ecosystems.
vast businesses to rural areas is beneficial" title="Correction: In conclusion, although shifting industries and vast businesses to rural areas is beneficial">In conclusion,although industrial and vast business shifting is in rural area are becoming beneficial.there are risk to damage environment due to chemical waste products,mining and dangerous gases.Therefore, balanced approchs are useful for cities and village.The government should impose strict rules related to businesses and companies for saving environment and spread awarness about cities to rural relocation for reducing cities related issues by providing better eminaties in rural area for long term solutions.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
14 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| thatb | that |
| overcrowd | overcrowding |
| interwers | interviewees |
| crisies | crises |
| Fuerthermore | Furthermore |
| country side | countryside |
| communicate | communication |
| ration | rate |
| noice | noise |
| ruine | ruin |
| approchs | approaches |
| awarness | awareness |
| eminaties | amenities |
| formost | foremost |
Grammatical Mistakes
15 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| It is observed thatb due urbanisation | It is observed that due to urbanisation | Missing preposition 'to' after 'due', and 'thatb' is a typo for 'that'. |
| overcrowd and pollution is become a major concern | overcrowding and pollution are becoming major concerns | Subject-verb agreement: 'overcrowding and pollution' are plural, so 'are' should be used. Also, 'is become' is incorrect tense; 'are becoming' is present continuous. |
| some experts believed | some experts believe | Tense error: should be present tense for current beliefs. |
| transformation of vast businesses ,factories and employees are the better solutions | transforming vast businesses, factories, and employees is a better solution | Subject-verb agreement: 'transforming' or 'transformation' is singular, so 'is' should be used. Also, 'employees' might not fit with 'transformation'; better to use 'relocating'. |
| for resolved traffic congestion | to resolve traffic congestion | Infinitive form needed after 'solutions'; 'to resolve' is correct. |
| The formost reasons of my inclination is | The foremost reason for my inclination is | Subject-verb agreement: 'reason' is singular, so 'is' should be used. Also, 'of' should be 'for' in this context. |
| over population in big cities are leading to reduce qualities of lives | overpopulation in big cities is leading to reduced quality of life | 'Overpopulation' is singular, so 'is' should be used. 'Reduce qualities of lives' should be 'reduced quality of life'. |
| if in well known company vacancy is only 40 employees and have 80 interwers are standing in line | if in a well-known company, there are only 40 vacancies, but 80 interviewees are standing in line | Run-on sentence; missing articles and incorrect structure. 'Vacancy is only 40 employees' is awkward; should be '40 vacancies'. |
| there are also raising crisies for health related service,house shortage and education | there are also rising crises in health-related services, housing shortage, and education | 'Raising' should be 'rising' (increasing). 'Crisies' is misspelled. 'For' should be 'in' for contexts. Missing hyphens and plurals. |
| this may lead to decrease standard of living | this may lead to a decrease in the standard of living | Missing article 'a' and preposition 'in'. |
| if major factories and businesses shifting in country side area | if major factories and businesses shift to countryside areas | Verb form: 'shifting' should be 'shift' for conditional. Preposition 'in' should be 'to'. |
| it may help to opportunities to work of rural public | it may help create opportunities for rural people to work | Incorrect phrase structure; 'help to opportunities' is awkward. Better to use 'create opportunities'. |
| However, supposed that, industrial shifting are happen | However, if industrial shifting happens | Conditional structure incorrect. 'Supposed that' should be 'if' or 'supposing that'. 'Are happen' should be 'happens'. |
| In conclusion,although industrial and vast business shifting is in rural area are becoming beneficial | In conclusion, although shifting industries and vast businesses to rural areas is beneficial | Run-on sentence; 'is' and 'are' conflict. Restructure for clarity. |
| there are risk to damage environment | there are risks of damaging the environment | 'Risk' should be plural 'risks'. 'To damage' should be 'of damaging'. |
Vocabulary Improvements
13 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| vast businesses | large businesses | 'Vast' is not typically collocated with 'businesses'; 'large' is more appropriate. |
| better solutions | effective solutions | 'Better' is comparative but vague; 'effective' is more precise. |
| normal middle-class families | average middle-class families | 'Normal' is vague and informal; 'average' is more academic. |
| health related service | health-related services | Should be hyphenated and plural for formal writing. |
| house shortage | housing shortage | 'House' is specific; 'housing' is the general term for accommodation. |
| country side area | countryside areas | 'Country side' is two words; 'countryside' is one. 'Area' should be plural. |
| rural public | rural population | 'Public' is vague; 'population' or 'communities' is more precise. |
| communicate facilities | communication facilities | 'Communicate' is a verb; 'communication' is the noun form. |
| education rate | education levels | 'Rate' might not be the best term; 'levels' is better for education. |
| industrial shifting | industrial relocation | 'Shifting' is informal; 'relocation' is more academic. |
| dangerous gases | hazardous gases | 'Dangerous' is general; 'hazardous' is more technical and appropriate for environmental context. |
| saving environment | protecting the environment | 'Saving' is informal; 'protecting' is more appropriate for formal writing. |
| long term solutions | long-term solutions | Should be hyphenated as a compound adjective. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response
5.5
Evaluation
The writer states strong agreement but does not fully address the prompt. Arguments are generalized (e.g., quality of life, unemployment) rather than specifically discussing traffic congestion and housing shortages. The conclusion suggests a balanced approach, which contradicts the stated strong agreement.
Examples
The essay discusses overpopulation leading to reduced quality of life, using an example of job interviews and unemployment, which does not directly relate to traffic or housing. Housing shortage is mentioned only briefly without development.
How to Improve
Focus directly on how relocation impacts traffic congestion and housing in cities. Provide specific examples, such as reduced vehicle density or increased urban housing availability, and ensure all points consistently support the position.
Coherence and Cohesion
5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, but paragraphing is weak and ideas are not logically connected. Cohesive devices are used inaccurately, and transitions are awkward.
Examples
Misspelled transitions like 'Fuerthermore' (Furthermore) and abrupt shifts between ideas, such as moving from health services to education without clear links. Paragraphs lack topic sentences, and the flow is disjointed.
How to Improve
Organize each paragraph around a single main idea related to the prompt. Use accurate cohesive devices (e.g., 'However', 'In addition') to connect sentences and paragraphs. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence.
Lexical Resource
5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is limited and often inaccurate, with frequent spelling errors and imprecise word choices. The range is insufficient for a detailed discussion of the topic.
Examples
Words like 'eminaties' (amenities), 'crisies' (crises), 'formost' (foremost), and 'ration' (ratio) are misspelled or misused. Phrases such as 'balanced approchs' (approaches) and 'poverty ration' show lack of lexical control.
How to Improve
Expand topic-specific vocabulary related to urban and rural development. Practice spelling and use a dictionary to ensure accuracy. Avoid repetitive phrases and aim for more precise terminology.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
4.5
Evaluation
Grammatical errors are pervasive, affecting meaning and clarity. There are issues with verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, sentence structure, and punctuation.
Examples
Errors include 'overcrowd and pollution is become' (should be 'overcrowding and pollution are becoming'), 'if major factories and businesses shifting' (should be 'if major factories and businesses shift'), and missing articles in 'decrease standard of living' (a decrease in the standard of living). Punctuation is often missing or misused.
How to Improve
Review basic grammar rules, especially verb forms, articles, and prepositions. Practice constructing complex sentences correctly. Use punctuation to separate ideas and proofread thoroughly to reduce errors.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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