This Band 5 IELTS essay addresses the relocation of industries but struggles with clarity and organization. Issues such as grammar mistakes and weak structure impact the effectiveness of the arguments, making it essential for students to focus on improving coherence and vocabulary.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) · Urban Planning · 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: Hello User, the essay addresses the topic but lacks a clear structure and coherent development of ideas. While it meets the word count requirement, there are notable issues with grammar, vocabulary, and coherence that limit the overall clarity and effectiveness of the arguments.
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In the given Description, it has been asked about the general opinion that would I have about the Topic of Installation or presence of Industries in Cities versus the Industries implementation away from General Population. I definately would side with the De-Industrialization from Main cities and moving them to less crowded areas.
As we start, lets first discuss Causes of Industrialization. As the cities has faced the growth in population, the needs has also ben sky-rocketed, that has lead us to the heavy demands of the products for the consumers, resulting in mass production and Mass producing Houses that is what we called "Industries". And the People that were producing such products had the workshop alongside there residency, Resulting in the Factories to be profound in big cities. That leads us to the effects which is Heavy Industrialization within the city.
But, as we move forward we could came accross many advantages as well as disadvantages. The sweet that came along is that lower prices as Transportation fee has been deducted, Workers and managemant does not have to leave station and can live along thier Families. But along the Sweet, there is always something sour. Disadvantages that it has are ranges from Traffic Congestion to the Pollution it genrates, that includes not only Noise pollution but also Air poluution it emits.
In conclusion, I can sum-up my Idea in a single line that is "A bitter pill to sugarcoat". Yes, I think it would be better to Relocate or Move the Big Industries especially the one that emits pollution towards the Rural and less populated areas to ensure betterment in Lifestyle of Residents, but also to protect than from harms it creates. No doubt, Labours have to travell and live in islotation away from there beloved ones but if you can focus the light upon the fact that there family will be living in complete peace from Noises or Dangerous gasses it would have been emitting or the dangerous possibly carciogenuic chemicals that would be discarded cas raw materials, I think it is worth it. So, That is how I agree strongly to the Narrative title.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
9 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| definately | definitely |
| ben | been |
| thier | their |
| genrates | generates |
| poluution | pollution |
| summ-up | sum up |
| travell | travel |
| islotation | isolation |
| carciogenuic | carcinogenic |
Grammatical Mistakes
6 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| cities has | cities have | Subject-verb agreement: 'cities' is plural and requires 'have' |
| the needs has | the needs have | Subject-verb agreement: 'needs' is plural and requires 'have' |
| lets first discuss | let's first discuss | Missing apostrophe: 'let's' is a contraction of 'let us' |
| came accross | come across | Incorrect verb form: 'come' is the correct form after 'could' |
| there residency | their residency | Possessive pronoun error: 'their' is correct for ownership |
| than from harms | them from harm | Incorrect pronoun and uncountable noun: 'them' and 'harm' are correct |
Vocabulary Improvements
4 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| Profound in big cities | prevalent in major cities | More precise vocabulary: 'prevalent' is clearer than 'profound' |
| sweet | benefit | Too informal: 'benefit' is more appropriate |
| betterment | improvement | More precise vocabulary: 'improvement' is clearer than 'betterment' |
| Narrative title | argument | More appropriate term: 'argument' is better for essays |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5.5
Evaluation
The essay provides a basic response to the task, expressing an opinion and attempting to justify it.
Examples
Mentions benefits and drawbacks of relocating industries to rural areas.
How to Improve
Develop ideas more thoroughly with supporting examples and a clearer stance from the beginning. Ensure each paragraph has a clear point related to the task.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
The organization of the essay is weak, with ideas presented in a somewhat disjointed manner.
Examples
The introduction lacks a clear thesis statement and transitions between points are not smooth.
How to Improve
Use clearer topic sentences and logical transitions to connect ideas. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea with supporting details.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
Vocabulary usage is basic and includes several spelling mistakes, reducing clarity.
Examples
Words like 'definately,' 'thier,' and 'poluution' demonstrate spelling issues.
How to Improve
Expand your vocabulary and proofread to avoid spelling errors. Use more varied and precise language to convey complex ideas.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy4.5
Evaluation
There are frequent grammatical errors impacting understanding.
Examples
Fragmented sentences and subject-verb agreement errors, such as 'cities has faced' and 'the needs has also ben sky-rocketed.'
How to Improve
Focus on subject-verb agreement, sentence structure, and correct use of grammar. Practice writing complex sentences accurately.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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