This Band 5 IELTS essay on relocating industries addresses various viewpoints but struggles with coherence and grammatical accuracy. To enhance clarity, focus on better organization and reducing errors in word choice and structure.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) · Urban Planning · 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: Hello User, the essay partially addresses the prompt regarding the relocation of big businesses and industries to rural areas. While there is some development of ideas, the essay lacks clarity and organization, making it difficult to follow the argument. Additionally, frequent grammatical errors hinder comprehension.
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In recent years , there are increasing calls for relocating big businesses and industries from urban areas to rural areas. I think this issue should be studied well with many sides.
First, relocationg workers could be very difficult and unachievable because you need to offer new apartments for those employees . plus most of them may mind this mandatory imposition. although we can hire new workes who are closer to the new rural areas where we want to transfer industries.
In addition , transportations cost will increases which leads to raising goods costs. and consequently , price inflation.
Howefer , what about environmental issues and addressing pollution. that depends totally on the rural areas which we suggest to move into.
while in arid lands which is unsuitable for agriculture like deserts and infertile lands , relocationg could be considered as encouraged decision according to the government and environmental organizations.
while if the lands we talk about are fertile land or forests or any orher natural protective lands , it will be a major problem.
In contrast , alot of people consider that relocating big businesses and industries to rural areas as a popular demand. Because it really reduces traffic and crowded congestion.
In my openion , I dont think that we , as ordinary people could chose the right decision .
it had better to be planned well by the government , and determin its advantages and disadvantages to apply really good ideas which could be fine for both workers and cities citizens.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
8 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| relocationg | relocating |
| workes | workers |
| Howefer | However |
| orher | other |
| alot | a lot |
| openion | opinion |
| chose | choose |
| determin | determine |
Grammatical Mistakes
4 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| there are increasing calls | there have been increasing calls | Tense consistency: use present perfect for actions that started in the past and continue to the present |
| transportations cost will increases | transportation costs will increase | Plural agreement and correct future form |
| and consequently , price inflation | and consequently, inflation of prices | Correct noun phrase order |
| it had better to be | it would be better to be | Tense correction for suggestion |
Vocabulary Improvements
4 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| choose the right decision | make the right decision | Wrong collocation: 'make' is the correct verb with 'decision' |
| urban areas to rural areas | urban areas to the countryside | More precise term for 'rural areas' |
| transfer industries | relocate industries | More appropriate term for movement of businesses |
| crowded congestion | traffic congestion | Redundant expression: 'traffic congestion' is adequate |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5.5
Evaluation
The essay addresses the task by discussing multiple perspectives on relocating businesses to rural areas. However, the argument lacks depth, and the conclusion is not well-supported.
Examples
Mentions difficulties for employees and transport costs, briefly touches on environmental issues.
How to Improve
Improve by developing a more structured argument with clear points and supporting examples. Ensure the conclusion summarizes and reflects the points made.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
The essay lacks coherence and logical progression. There are abrupt shifts between ideas, and linking words are used inconsistently.
Examples
The transition from transport costs to environmental issues is unclear; multiple sentences start with 'while,' causing confusion.
How to Improve
Organize ideas into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a single aspect of the topic. Use a variety of cohesive devices to guide the reader smoothly through the text.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
The vocabulary used is basic and lacks precision. There is a noticeable number of spelling mistakes.
Examples
Spelling mistakes include 'relocationg,' 'increases,' 'Howefer.'
How to Improve
Expand your vocabulary to include more specific and varied word choices. Pay careful attention to spelling and word form errors.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy4.5
Evaluation
Multiple grammatical errors make reading challenging. Sentence structure is often awkward.
Examples
Errors include 'we as ordinary people could chose,' 'determin its advantages.'
How to Improve
Focus on improving basic grammatical accuracy and sentence structure. Practice writing clear, simple sentences before attempting more complex structures.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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