This Band 5 IELTS essay evaluates the opinion on relocating industries to rural areas. While it stays relevant to the topic, it suffers from cohesion and clarity issues, and lacks a balanced argument. Understanding these weaknesses can help you enhance your writing skills and achieve a better score.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) Β· Urban Planning Β· 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
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Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay meets the word count requirement and stays on topic, but the argument is underdeveloped and lacks depth. Organization is basic with cohesion issues, vocabulary has inaccuracies, and grammatical errors are frequent, affecting clarity.
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Well, in my perspective, the relocation of big businesses and industries and their workers from urban to rural areas due to housing problems and traffic congestion in large cities is not a good solution. Because in rural areas citizens produce crops and vegetables in acres of land, which is transported to major cities. The land of rural areas are affluent in nutrients and has the ability to produce good crops. These crops are significant for fulfilling the demand for food for large cities. Because in cities there is no place and enriched soil to grow vegetables and crops for fulfilling their needs. Now, some individuals start roof agriculture, but these ideas are flops due to the hectic lifestyles of people.
Shifting industries and businesses to rural areas creates daunting agricultural work, which adversely affects the rural environment. Because these industries take huge areas for production and release toxic material in the air and land. These toxic wastes is detrimental for crops and human health because these toxic materials enter agricultural products through toxic water, and these vegetables give slow poison to humans, will shows its results in the future.
The idea of shifting the industry and businesses in rural areas is hilarious because it alter the lifestyle and quality of life of individuals in the countryside. The population of those rural areas is ecstatic to live in huge houses with an open environment and peace. Individuals are ecstatic to play in large grounds and arrange get together in with their friends in their special place called "DERA".If industrial revolution occurred, then things would not be same as before
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Grammatical Mistakes
8 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| Because in rural areas citizens produce crops and vegetables in acres of land | because in rural areas, citizens produce crops and vegetables on acres of land | Sentence fragment; avoid starting with 'Because'. Also, preposition error: use 'on' for land. |
| The land of rural areas are | The land of rural areas is | Subject-verb agreement: 'land' is singular, so use 'is'. |
| Because in cities there is no place and enriched soil | because in cities there is no place or enriched soil | Sentence fragment and conjunction error; in negative contexts, use 'or' instead of 'and'. |
| These toxic wastes is detrimental for crops | These toxic wastes are detrimental to crops | Subject-verb agreement: 'wastes' is plural, so use 'are'. Also, preposition error: use 'to' with 'detrimental'. |
| will shows its results | will show its results | Verb tense error: after 'will', use the base form 'show'. |
| it alter the lifestyle | it alters the lifestyle | Subject-verb agreement: 'it' is singular, so use 'alters'. |
| arrange get together in with their friends | arrange get-togethers with their friends | Phrasing error: 'get together' should be hyphenated as a noun, and 'in with' is redundant. |
| If industrial revolution occurred, then things would not be same as before | If the industrial revolution occurred, then things would not be the same as before | Article omission: add 'the' before 'industrial revolution' and 'same'. |
Vocabulary Improvements
8 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| Well, in my perspective | From my perspective | Too informal; 'well' is conversational. Use more academic phrasing. |
| big businesses | large businesses | Informal; 'big' is colloquial. 'Large' is more appropriate in formal writing. |
| flops | failures | Informal slang; use standard English like 'failures' or 'unsuccessful initiatives'. |
| affluent in nutrients | rich in nutrients | Wrong collocation; 'affluent' typically describes wealth, not nutrients. Use 'rich' or 'abundant'. |
| hilarious | ridiculous | Incorrect word choice; 'hilarious' means very funny, which is inappropriate here. Use 'ridiculous' or 'ill-advised'. |
| ecstatic | happy | Overstated; 'ecstatic' implies extreme joy, which is too strong for this context. Use a more moderate term like 'happy' or 'content'. |
| slow poison | chronic poisoning | Informal phrasing; use technical terms like 'chronic poisoning' or 'gradual toxicity' for clarity. |
| get together | gatherings | Informal; use formal nouns like 'gatherings' or 'social gatherings'. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5.5
Evaluation
The response is relevant and presents a clear disagreement, but it does not fully extend ideas or address the extent of agreement/disbalance. It focuses on negative impacts on rural areas without directly exploring how relocation might solve urban issues like traffic congestion and housing.
Examples
The essay discusses harm to agriculture and rural environment but does not analyze the proposed solution for cities. For instance, it states relocation 'is not a good solution' due to crop production, without evaluating potential benefits for urban problems.
How to Improve
Develop each point with more detailed explanations and examples. Consider counterarguments or partial agreement to show a nuanced extent. Explicitly link arguments to the question's specific issues of traffic and housing in cities.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic paragraph structure but lacks logical progression and effective cohesive devices. Ideas are presented somewhat disjointedly, with abrupt transitions between topics.
Examples
The first paragraph shifts from agriculture to roof farming without clear connection. The second paragraph jumps to industrial pollution, and the third to lifestyle changes, with weak links like 'Because' overused. Missing spaces after periods, e.g., 'DERA'.If industrial...'.
How to Improve
Use a clearer structure: introduction, body paragraphs each with one main idea (e.g., agriculture, environment, lifestyle), and conclusion. Employ cohesive devices such as 'however', 'furthermore', and pronouns to connect sentences. Ensure proper punctuation and paragraph transitions.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
Vocabulary range is limited with some inappropriate word choices and errors in usage. Attempts to use less common words are made but often inaccurate, affecting clarity.
Examples
'flops' is informal for 'failures'; 'ecstatic' incorrectly used to describe rural contentment (should be 'content' or 'happy'); 'hilarious' misused for 'impractical' or 'absurd'; 'daunting' might not fit context. Spelling: 'DERA' is unexplained.
How to Improve
Use more precise and formal vocabulary suitable for academic writing. Practice word collocations and context-appropriate terms. Avoid informal expressions and ensure definitions match intent. Expand vocabulary through reading and writing exercises.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy4.5
Evaluation
Grammatical errors are frequent and sometimes impede meaning. Sentence structures are mostly simple, with attempts at complex sentences but with errors in verb forms, agreement, and punctuation.
Examples
Subject-verb agreement: 'These toxic wastes is detrimental' should be 'are detrimental'. Verb tense: 'it alter' should be 'it alters'; 'will shows' should be 'will show'. Punctuation: missing commas and periods, e.g., 'DERA'.If industrial...'. Fragment: 'Because in rural areas...' starts with a subordinating conjunction.
How to Improve
Focus on grammar fundamentals: subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and sentence structure. Practice writing complex sentences with correct clauses and connectors. Proofread for punctuation errors. Consider using grammar check tools and seeking feedback on written work.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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