This Band 5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay discusses relocating industries to solve urban traffic and housing problems. While the writer expresses agreement, the development of ideas is weak, and coherence issues hinder clarity. This feedback will help you improve your writing for a higher band score.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) Β· Urban Planning Β· 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
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Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count (257 words) but only partially addresses the prompt. While the writer expresses agreement, the arguments are underdeveloped, poorly linked, and include irrelevant points (e.g., environmental issues). There are significant weaknesses in coherence, vocabulary, and grammar, resulting in an overall Band 5.0 performance.
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Businesses and industries are the major factors in the development of a city. Thus, it is suggested that traffic congestion and housing problems could be solved by relocating major businesses and industries. However, I totally agree with this statement because big businesses and industries affect the day-to-day life of the people and major people are becoming homeless.
To begin with, traffic congestion is one of the problem that the world is facing in many cities. Most of the people in the city owned their own vehicles, one family could have three or more vehicles. The traffic jams that people faced during peak hours due to the 10 to 5 time allocation huge" title="Correction: are huge">is huge. Similarly, the industries located in the cities are the main cause for different types of environmental deterioration which ultimately leads to different health issues.
Furthermore, shifting the industries in the rural areas could help the homeless situation" title="Correction: help the homeless situation">help homeless situation as it is spreading very fast today. Many businesses try to build their own complex by luring people trap" title="Correction: into a trap">into trap. Businesses tries to get the land in lower money and people are gradually becoming homeless due to this situation. A recent case study has shown that 40% of people are homeless and can't afford to buy land or house in any major cities. Consequently, by shifting the industries, citizens would be much safer.
In conclusion, relocating business and industries could contribute to the clean and green city. The problem of traffic congestion and housing not only improved but people will get free from the hustle of the city.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Grammatical Mistakes
14 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| one of the problem | one of the problems | Article and noun number agreement; 'problem' should be plural after 'one of the' |
| owned | own | Verb tense inconsistency; use present tense for general facts |
| vehicles, one family could have | vehicles. One family could have | Comma splice; separate independent clauses with a period or conjunction |
| is huge | are huge | Subject-verb agreement; 'traffic jams' is plural, requiring 'are' |
| in the rural areas | to rural areas | Preposition error; 'shifting to' is correct for relocation |
| help homeless situation | help the homeless situation | Article missing before 'homeless situation' |
| into trap | into a trap | Article missing before 'trap' |
| tries | try | Subject-verb agreement; 'Businesses' is plural, requiring 'try' |
| can't | cannot | Contraction is informal; use 'cannot' for academic writing |
| house | a house | Article missing before 'house' |
| in any major cities | in any major city | 'Any' is singular, so 'city' should be singular |
| business | businesses | Noun number agreement; should be plural to match 'industries' |
| the clean and green city | a clean and green city | Article usage; 'a' is appropriate for general statements |
| not only improved but people will get free | not only will be improved, but people will also be freed from | Parallel structure and verb tense; use future tense for both clauses |
Vocabulary Improvements
11 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| totally | completely | 'Totally' is too informal for academic writing; use 'completely' |
| major people | many people | Incorrect word choice; 'major' is not typically used to describe people |
| day-to-day life | daily life | More concise and standard term |
| time allocation | work hours | Vague; specify 'work hours' for clarity |
| huge | significant | 'Huge' is informal; use 'significant' for academic tone |
| environmental deterioration | environmental degradation | More precise term in environmental contexts |
| help | alleviate | Vague; 'alleviate' is more formal and precise for reducing problems |
| spreading very fast | increasing rapidly | Informal phrasing; use 'increasing rapidly' for academic style |
| trap | deceptive practices | Informal and metaphorical; use objective term like 'deceptive practices' |
| lower money | lower cost | Incorrect collocation; 'lower cost' is standard |
| get free from the hustle | be freed from the hustle and bustle | Informal phrasal verb and colloquial term; use formal phrasing |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5
Evaluation
The response partially addresses the task by stating agreement, but the development is limited and sometimes off-topic. The arguments for solving traffic congestion and housing are not fully explored, and irrelevant points like environmental deterioration are introduced.
Examples
The essay mentions environmental deterioration and health issues, which are not directly relevant to the prompt. The case study on homelessness is unsourced and poorly integrated.
How to Improve
Focus directly on the prompt by explaining how relocation would alleviate traffic and housing problems. Provide clear, relevant examples and ensure all points support the main argument.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, but ideas are not logically connected. Paragraph progression is weak, and transitions are minimal.
Examples
The first body paragraph jumps from traffic congestion to environmental issues without clear linkage. The conclusion merely repeats points without synthesizing arguments.
How to Improve
Use cohesive devices (e.g., 'furthermore,' 'consequently') to link ideas. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all sentences within it relate to that topic.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is basic, repetitive, and sometimes inaccurate. There is over-reliance on simple terms, and some expressions are informal for academic writing.
Examples
'Major people' should be 'many people'; 'hustle of the city' is colloquial. Inaccurate word choice: 'Businesses tries' (should be 'try').
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary with more precise academic terms (e.g., 'urban sprawl,' 'infrastructure'). Avoid informal language and practice using synonyms to reduce repetition.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
Grammar errors are frequent, and sentence structures are mostly simple. Issues with subject-verb agreement, articles, and punctuation affect clarity.
Examples
'One of the problem' (should be 'problems'); 'Businesses tries' (should be 'try'); 'can't afford' (contraction is informal). Run-on sentences and awkward phrasing.
How to Improve
Practice complex sentence structures (e.g., conditional clauses, relative clauses). Review grammatical rules, especially subject-verb agreement, articles, and formal tone (avoid contractions).
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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