This Band 5 IELTS essay on relocating industries discusses pollution concerns and provides alternative solutions for traffic congestion. While it addresses the task, the essay lacks depth and clear transitions, impacting overall coherence. Improve your understanding of how to develop ideas effectively and avoid common language inaccuracies.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) Β· Urban Planning Β· 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
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Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay addresses the task by discussing the disadvantages of relocating industries to rural areas, suggesting alternatives to reduce traffic congestion. However, it lacks depth in the development of ideas and has numerous language inaccuracies. The response meets the word count requirement with 358 words.
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Nowadays bumper-bumper traffic problem and accomadation are a burning question. For avoiding traffic jam businesses and industries should be rearrange in the countrysides. However, I do not totally agree about the decession, because of increasing pollution in the villages.
There are several disadvantages for relocating the big businessess to the rural area. First of all, if all the factories are moved to the village, it must hamper the air and water health of these sides. We know so many wastes are produced from various textile, and the industries' authorities do not maintain waste management rules. Moreover, it also brings negative impact on agricultural and fishing. For example, recently a large industry is opened in my hometown and it build their company in farming land, they bought it from the farmers. I think great effect" title="Correction: it will have a great effect">it will fall a great effect on food in our village in the near future.
Secondly, when a company author think to remove industry, they need huge money for transfering. Therefore, their manusfacture cost will be went up, and they will increase their products' price. Additionally, government need to increase various facilities such as frequent electric supply, security, medical insfructures, and educational institutes.
For these reasons, government should take another incetives for reducing traffic block. They can increase various transfort system to avoid roads block such as introducing matro rail, decreasing huge private transforts in the hush hours and improving water paths. For instance, recently metro rail is included in our public transfort system, which convert heavy traffic to moderate in the recent months. Although, some research centers and universities can replace in the peaceful area with proper accomadation. That may be solve the housing problem for the significant time. Otherwise, the government should build hi-tech buildings for the nuclear family. If any family has any problem to stay there, individuals can choose others jobs such as farming, fishing and crafty and stay in the rural areas.
To sum up, it is true if we decentralized the main cities, it will slove the problems of jams and living area for the certain time. But it will no be worthy and this decession is so much expensive
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
11 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| accomadation | accommodation |
| decession | decision |
| businessess | businesses |
| manusfacture | manufacturing |
| insfructures | infrastructures |
| incetives | incentives |
| transfort | transport |
| matro | metro |
| accomadation | accommodation |
| slove | solve |
| no | not |
Grammatical Mistakes
9 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| should be rearrange | should be rearranged | Passive voice requires past participle. |
| it must hamper | it would hamper | Use 'would' for hypothetical situations. |
| it also brings negative impact | it also has a negative impact | Correct collocation with 'impact'. |
| negative impact on agricultural and fishing | negative impact on agriculture and fishing | Use noun forms for consistency. |
| it build | it built | Past tense needed for a completed action. |
| should take another incetives | should take other incentives | Use plural 'incentives' with 'other'; 'another' is incorrect for plural nouns. |
| metro rail is included | metro rail has been included | Present perfect tense to indicate a change affecting the present. |
| it will fall a great effect | it will have a great effect | Correct use of 'have' with 'effect'. |
| it will no be worthy | it will not be worthwhile | Correct use of 'not' and appropriate phrase. |
Vocabulary Improvements
5 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| burning question | pressing issue | 'Pressing issue' is a more formal and precise term. |
| great effect | significant impact | 'Significant impact' is a more precise and formal expression. |
| huge money | substantial amount | 'Substantial amount' is a more academic and precise phrase. |
| hush hours | peak hours | 'Peak hours' is the standard term. |
| recent months | recently | 'Recently' is more concise and typically used to indicate a recent time frame. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5
Evaluation
The essay discusses the given topic and presents an opinion against relocating industries to rural areas due to pollution concerns. It provides some alternative solutions to traffic problems.
Examples
Examples include the impact on agriculture and the need for government infrastructure investments.
How to Improve
Develop ideas further with more detailed examples and clearer argumentation. Discuss both sides of the argument for a balanced view.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
The essay has a logical flow, but the connections between ideas are sometimes weak. There is an attempt to structure the essay with paragraphs, but transitions could be clearer.
Examples
The essay jumps from discussing pollution to discussing costs without smooth transitions.
How to Improve
Use linking words and phrases to clearly connect ideas and ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
The vocabulary is limited and occasionally inaccurate. Some words are repeated frequently, and there are spelling errors.
Examples
Words like 'decession', 'manusfacture', and 'transfort' are misspelled.
How to Improve
Use a wider range of vocabulary and check for spelling errors. Practice using synonyms to avoid repetition.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
There are numerous grammatical errors, which impact the clarity of the essay. Sentence structures are often simple, and more complex grammatical constructions are needed.
Examples
Errors include 'it must hamper the air' and 'their manusfacture cost will be went up'.
How to Improve
Review basic grammar rules and practice using a variety of sentence structures. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and verb tenses.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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