This Band 5 IELTS essay discusses relocating industries as a solution to urban traffic congestion. While it presents a clear opinion, it suffers from underdeveloped arguments and basic coherence issues, which limits the depth of analysis.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) · Urban Planning · 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count of 270 words but lacks full engagement with the prompt. While a position is presented (agreement), the development of ideas is limited, especially regarding housing issues. Arguments are repetitive and underdeveloped. Cohesion is basic with some organizational issues, vocabulary is adequate but with errors, and grammar contains frequent mistakes that occasionally impede clarity.
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As the world has become revolutionalised, countries make tons of trades and businesses with other countries. Business and industrialisation planning has alwys been a very crucial matter in every countries' policies as it decides the financial and economic factors of that very state.
Due to rising number of population and urbanization in every country, some countries fail to solve the proper facilities to overcome this issue. Also, making a town or villa very congested could make certain problems to the residents as many issues like traffic problems, noise and also air pollution due to many vehicle gas emissions by the vehicles and also if any factory is set up nearby too.
Also, the right of way for many passengers and emergency vehicles or the law enforcement officers could also face trouble because in the need of hour they could be stuck in the traffic. Keeping the neighbourhood clean and clear, it is also mandatory to keep the factories or industries out of the towns' or city's vicinity so that the proper waste or dangerous material could be properly dumped in a secure place to keep the environment, society and the city safe from all sorts of diseases or infections which may arise out of wastage or gas emissions.
I strongly agree that the factorys or the industries should be moved outside of the city or town so that no one faces any sort of health or traffic problems. Also ,it could create wide options for the farmers to let the businesses acquire their land for use as it could also open up many employment opportuinities in that town or village.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
4 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| revolutionalised | revolutionised |
| alwys | always |
| factorys | factories |
| opportuinities | opportunities |
Grammatical Mistakes
8 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| every countries' policies | every country's policies | 'Every' is singular, so use 'country's' not 'countries' |
| rising number of population | rising population | 'Number of' is redundant with 'population' |
| solve the proper facilities | provide proper facilities | 'Solve' does not collocate with 'facilities'; use 'provide' or 'establish' |
| make certain problems to the residents | cause certain problems for the residents | Preposition error; 'cause problems for' is correct |
| due to many vehicle gas emissions by the vehicles | due to gas emissions from vehicles | Redundant phrasing |
| in the need of hour | in emergencies | Idiomatic expression error; use 'in emergencies' or 'in times of need' |
| Keeping the neighbourhood clean and clear, it is also mandatory | To keep the neighbourhood clean and clear, it is mandatory | Dangling modifier; improved sentence structure |
| arise out of | arise from | Preposition error |
Vocabulary Improvements
12 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| revolutionalised | globalized | Non-standard term; in context, 'globalized' fits better |
| tons of | extensive | Too informal for academic writing |
| trades and businesses | trade and business activities | Vague; more precise phrase |
| very crucial | crucial | Redundant intensifier |
| that very state | that state | Unnecessary intensifier |
| villa | village | Incorrect word choice; 'village' is appropriate for residential areas |
| right of way | access | Misused term; 'access' is clearer in this context |
| in the need of hour | in emergencies | Incorrect idiom; use standard phrase |
| properly dumped | properly disposed of | 'Dumped' has negative connotation; 'disposed of' is neutral and appropriate |
| wastage | waste | 'Wastage' is less common; 'waste' is standard |
| wide options | more opportunities | Informal and vague; 'opportunities' is more precise |
| let | allow | 'Let' is informal; 'allow' is more formal |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5
Evaluation
The essay addresses the prompt but does not fully develop the response. It agrees that relocation could solve traffic and housing problems, but the discussion on housing is very brief and not elaborated. The introduction starts with irrelevant global trade context, and arguments are superficial, focusing more on pollution and traffic without deep analysis.
Examples
Example: The essay states 'I strongly agree that the factorys or the industries should be moved outside of the city...' but fails to explain how this specifically alleviates housing shortages in cities. The mention of farmers and employment opportunities is tangential and not directly linked to the core issues of congestion and housing.
How to Improve
Focus directly on the prompt from the introduction. Develop separate paragraphs for traffic congestion and housing, providing specific examples and explaining cause-effect relationships. Consider counterarguments or limitations to strengthen the response.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic paragraph structure but lacks logical progression. Ideas are presented in a disjointed manner, with overuse of 'Also' for transitions. The conclusion is weak and does not effectively summarize the argument.
Examples
Example: The second paragraph jumps from urbanization problems to emergency vehicles without clear connection. Sentences like 'Also, the right of way for many passengers...' are abruptly introduced. Paragraphs are not tightly focused on single main ideas.
How to Improve
Use a clearer essay structure: introduction, body paragraphs each addressing a specific point (e.g., traffic, housing, rural benefits), and a conclusion. Employ a range of linking words (e.g., furthermore, however, consequently) to improve flow. Ensure each paragraph has a topic sentence and supporting details.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is minimally adequate for the topic but shows limited range and several spelling errors. Some words are used repetitively (e.g., 'problems', 'traffic'), and there are inaccuracies that affect clarity.
Examples
Errors: 'revolutionalised' (should be 'revolutionized'), 'alwys' (always), 'factorys' (factories), 'opportuinities' (opportunities). Phrases like 'in the need of hour' are awkward and unclear.
How to Improve
Expand topic-specific vocabulary (e.g., 'infrastructure', 'decentralization', 'urban sprawl'). Practice spelling and use a dictionary to verify word forms. Avoid repetition by using synonyms (e.g., 'congestion' instead of 'traffic problems').
Grammatical Range & Accuracy4.5
Evaluation
Grammar is a weakness with frequent errors in sentence structure, verb forms, and punctuation. Sentences are often simple or run-on, and errors sometimes hinder understanding.
Examples
Errors: 'has alwys been' (verb form and spelling), 'Also ,it could create' (punctuation space), 'if any factory is set up nearby too' (awkward structure). Subject-verb agreement issues: 'countries make tons of trades' (plural/singular inconsistency).
How to Improve
Practice complex sentence structures using clauses and conjunctions. Focus on verb tense consistency and subject-verb agreement. Review punctuation rules, especially comma usage. Proofread to correct basic errors.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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