This Band 5 IELTS essay discusses the relocation of industries with the aim to tackle urban traffic congestion. While it addresses the prompt, the arguments presented are underdeveloped and lack depth. The analysis is simplistic, and there are grammatical errors that hinder overall clarity.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) · Urban Planning · 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count (250) and addresses the prompt by agreeing with relocation as a solution. However, the argument is underdeveloped, lacks specific examples, and only superficially explores consequences. The structure is basic, vocabulary is limited with some errors, and grammatical inaccuracies hinder clarity. Overall, it reflects a borderline Band 5 performance.
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In the present time, the most alarming thing is the traffic jams in urban areas. The main reason for the traffic jams is that a huge amount of the population lives in town for work purposes.
Relocating the big businesses and industries from urban to rural areas, in my opinion, is the most effective solution to decrease the traffic jams in cities.
First of all, if we transfer the workplaces, then the workers must be transferred from cities to village areas. When the population is gradually decreasing in cities, then the traffic conditions will be better, and the housing will also be much more affordable for the people who are staying after the transformation of workplaces.
If we do not transfer properly, while the another issues will be created in rural areas, that is became a similar situation as well as the urban areas, where traffic jams will also be created, and suffocting" title="Correction: people will also feel suffocting">people feel also suffocting as in cities.
If exually wants" title="Correction: the government exually wants">the government exually want to solve the problem in urban areas, then the first initiative to take is to implement proper policy. That can select the areas where the industries are transferred, and also where the housing will be created for the people who are also shifted for their work purposes. The government must make a plan for the roads, which are used by the relocated industries' vehicles and the people who are being shifted.
That is the proper solution for solving the traffic congestion and housing in major cities.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
2 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| suffocting | suffocating |
| exually | actually |
Grammatical Mistakes
4 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| while the another issues will be created | while other issues will be created | Article misuse: 'the' is unnecessary; 'another' cannot be used with plural nouns. |
| that is became a similar situation | that will become a similar situation | Incorrect verb form: 'is became' is not a valid construction; use future tense 'will become'. |
| people feel also suffocting | people will also feel suffocting | Wrong word order and verb tense: 'also' should follow the auxiliary verb; use future tense for consistency. |
| the government exually want | the government exually wants | Subject-verb agreement: 'government' is singular, so the verb should be 'wants'. |
Vocabulary Improvements
6 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| big businesses | large corporations | Too informal; 'large corporations' or 'major enterprises' is more academic. |
| village areas | rural areas | Imprecise; 'rural areas' is the standard term for countryside regions. |
| decrease the traffic jams | reduce traffic congestion | Wrong collocation; 'traffic congestion' is the uncountable, formal term, and 'reduce' is more appropriate than 'decrease'. |
| transformation of workplaces | relocation of workplaces | Imprecise; 'relocation' accurately describes moving workplaces to a different area. |
| transfer properly | relocate properly | Informal; 'relocate' is more formal and specific to moving businesses or people. |
| the first initiative to take | the first step to take | Vague; 'initiative' refers to a plan, while 'step' is the concrete action needed. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5
Evaluation
The essay agrees with the given opinion but provides only a limited and simplistic discussion. It mentions reducing population and housing affordability but does not explore the extent of agreement or consider counterarguments in any depth. The risks of relocation are briefly noted but not developed. The response stays on topic but lacks the detail and analytical depth expected for a higher band.
Examples
'Relocating the big businesses... is the most effective solution' – clear position but no justification beyond population shift. 'If we do not transfer properly, while the another issues will be created' – introduces a potential problem without elaboration.
How to Improve
Expand on both sides of the argument, give specific real-world examples (e.g., relocation of factories to satellite towns), and discuss the extent of your agreement more precisely (e.g., 'largely agree but with caveats'). Include a clear thesis and a conclusion that summarises your reasoning.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion, but the logical flow is weak. Ideas jump from transferring workers to potential rural issues to government policy without clear linking. Paragraphs are not well-developed, and transitions are abrupt.
Examples
'First of all' introduces the first point, but then the essay moves to the problem of 'not transfer properly' without a logical connector. 'That is the proper solution' in the conclusion feels repetitive and does not synthesise the argument.
How to Improve
Use clearer topic sentences for each paragraph, and ensure each paragraph develops a single main idea. Employ cohesive devices like 'Furthermore', 'However', and 'As a result' to show relationships between sentences. Plan the essay before writing to create a logical progression.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
The vocabulary is basic and repetitive, with frequent use of common words like 'traffic jams', 'huge amount', and 'proper'. There are spelling errors ('suffocting', 'exually') and awkward phrases ('the most alarming thing'). Attempts at more formal expressions are limited.
Examples
'suffocting' – misspelling of 'suffocating'. 'the another issues' – incorrect article usage. 'people feel also suffocting as in cities' – unclear and non-idiomatic.
How to Improve
Build a wider range of topic-specific vocabulary (e.g., 'congestion', 'urban exodus', 'infrastructure', 'decentralisation'). Practise using synonyms and more precise terms. Proofread to eliminate spelling errors and aim for natural collocations.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy4.5
Evaluation
The essay relies heavily on simple sentence structures. There are several grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tense ('that is became'), subject-verb agreement ('government exually want'), and article misuse ('the another issues'). While meaning is generally clear, the frequency of errors limits readability.
Examples
'If the government exually want to solve the problem' – should be 'actually wants'. 'When the population is gradually decreasing' – awkward tense, better as 'As the population gradually decreases'. 'while the another issues will be created' – incorrect use of 'while' and 'another'.
How to Improve
Review basic grammar rules, especially subject-verb agreement, articles, and tense consistency. Practise writing complex sentences using subordinate clauses (e.g., 'Although relocation may reduce congestion, it could also create new problems in rural areas'). Seek feedback on error patterns.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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