This Band 5 IELTS essay critiques the relocation of businesses to rural areas, addressing traffic congestion and housing. Key issues include clarity in arguments and a lack of depth in discussing housing, resulting in a challenging reading experience.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) · Urban Planning · 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay (309 words, meeting the 250-word minimum) addresses the topic by taking a position against relocating businesses to rural areas and instead advocates for improving urban infrastructure. However, it only partially covers the issue of housing (mentioned in the prompt) and focuses heavily on traffic congestion. Arguments are underdeveloped, and there are frequent language errors. The essay shows a basic structure but lacks clarity and cohesion. Overall, it demonstrates limited control of IELTS criteria, resulting in a band score of 5.0.
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There is a burgeoning notion of migrating businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a reasonable solution for the problem of traffic jam and accomodating in metropolitian sites. I think it would be more sustainable and efficient , if we reconstructed the available urban road infrastructure and added some modern features to them rather than encroaching existing rural areas .
According to the proponents of relocating urban business and undustries , also their employees . If we move this contemporary entities to rural areas , it is likely that rural population is going to suffer the same phenomenon like it is occuring nowadays in highly populated cities . In the near future , they are likely suffer from air pollution , this is likely going to expand the scale of the issue , which is being faced by urban citizens . Furthermore , this scenario is considered irreversable once we relocate this current burden of urban traffic , then they can not just be restored their former location due to the matter of time and hefty amount of capital to relocate them .
Regarding the advocators of redesigning existing road infracstructure , this idea is truely vaible and can be handled by investing sufficiant amount of capital and resoureces for construction , this act might help communities for restraining the scale of current air pollution and may cause to cease the problem of traffic conjestion . Moreover, this may also bring new ways to tackle this pressing issue far more sustainably and efficiently in the future .
In conclusion, despite temporay benefits of relocating contemporary culprits of traffic jam to rural areas , it should be more reasonable to improve and redesign existing road infrastructure to more efficient and sustainable one. I belive this bring substantial future benefits to urban communities .
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
14 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| accomodating | accommodating |
| metropolitian | metropolitan |
| undustries | industries |
| occuring | occurring |
| irreversable | irreversible |
| advocators | advocates |
| infracstructure | infrastructure |
| truely | truly |
| vaible | viable |
| sufficiant | sufficient |
| resoureces | resources |
| conjestion | congestion |
| temporay | temporary |
| belive | believe |
Grammatical Mistakes
9 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| notion of migrating businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be | notion that migrating businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be | Missing relative pronoun 'that' to connect the clause |
| also their employees | along with their employees | Fragment; 'also their employees' is not a complete clause; use 'along with' to integrate |
| this contemporary entities | these contemporary entities | Plural noun 'entities' requires plural determiner 'these' |
| the same phenomenon like it is occuring nowadays | the same phenomenon that is occurring nowadays | Incorrect use of 'like' as a conjunction; use 'that' for a defining relative clause |
| they are likely suffer | they are likely to suffer | Missing 'to' after 'likely' for infinitive |
| can not just be restored their former location | cannot simply be restored to their former location | Missing preposition 'to' and incorrect pronoun 'their' (refers to burden, not plural); restructured for clarity |
| this might help communities for restraining | this might help communities in restraining | Incorrect preposition; 'help in' or 'help to' is standard |
| may cause to cease | may cause the cessation of | Incomplete verb pattern; 'cause' requires an object and infinitive or 'cause the cessation of' |
| belive this bring | believe this brings | Subject-verb agreement: 'this' is singular, requires 'brings' |
Vocabulary Improvements
5 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| traffic jam | traffic congestion | Informal; 'congestion' is more formal and suitable for academic writing |
| accommodating | accommodation | Wrong word form; 'accommodation' (noun) is needed instead of verb 'accommodating' |
| hefty amount of capital | substantial amount of capital | 'Hefty' is informal; 'substantial' is more appropriate in formal context |
| culprits | causes | Metaphorical and informal; 'causes' or 'sources' is more precise and academic |
| advocators | advocates | Non-standard word; 'advocates' is the correct term |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5.5
Evaluation
The essay states a clear position (disagreeing with relocation) and proposes an alternative. However, it does not fully address both aspects of the prompt – traffic congestion and housing. The discussion of housing is minimal (only a brief mention of 'accommodating') and the body paragraphs focus almost exclusively on traffic and pollution. Arguments lack depth and are sometimes unclear.
Examples
The introduction mentions 'traffic jam and accomodating' but later only discusses traffic. The second body paragraph talks about redesigning road infrastructure, which does not directly address housing issues. The conclusion again refers only to 'traffic jam'.
How to Improve
To improve, ensure that both parts of the question (traffic congestion and housing) are discussed. Develop each argument with specific examples or reasoning. Stay focused on the prompt and avoid introducing unrelated points (e.g., air pollution as main focus). Clearly state the extent of agreement/disagreement and maintain that stance throughout.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure: introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow is weak. Paragraphs are not clearly separated by topic, and the use of cohesive devices is limited and sometimes incorrect. Sentences within paragraphs often run together or lack clear connections. The stance is not consistently signposted.
Examples
The first body paragraph starts with 'According to the proponents...' but then shifts to a hypothetical scenario without clear linking. The second body paragraph begins with 'Regarding the advocators...' but it is unclear if these advocates represent the writer's view or an opposing view. The conclusion repeats earlier points without a clear summary.
How to Improve
Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph. Improve transitions between sentences with appropriate linking words (e.g., 'however', 'furthermore', 'in addition'). Ensure that each paragraph has a single main idea and that ideas flow logically from one to the next. Avoid run-on sentences and fragmented phrases.
Lexical Resource4.5
Evaluation
The essay contains many spelling errors, incorrect word choices, and limited range of vocabulary. Some attempts at less common words are made (e.g., 'burgeoning', 'contemporary'), but these are often misused or misspelled. There is heavy repetition of basic terms like 'traffic', 'rural', 'urban'.
Examples
Spelling errors: 'accomodating' (accommodating), 'metropolitian' (metropolitan), 'undustries' (industries), 'occuring' (occurring), 'irreversable' (irreversible), 'infracstructure' (infrastructure), 'vaible' (viable), 'sufficiant' (sufficient), 'resoureces' (resources), 'conjestion' (congestion), 'belive' (believe). Word choice issues: 'contemporary entities' (unclear), 'culprits of traffic jam' (inappropriate tone).
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary by learning topic-specific terms (e.g., 'relocation', 'decentralisation', 'infrastructure upgrade', 'urban planning'). Practice spelling common words accurately. Use a thesaurus to find synonyms but ensure they fit the context. Avoid slang or informal expressions. Read model IELTS essays to see appropriate lexical usage.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
The essay attempts to use some complex sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors that affect clarity. Subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence fragments are common. Punctuation is often missing or misused, leading to run-on sentences.
Examples
Incorrect structures: 'There is a burgeoning notion of migrating businesses... could be a reasonable solution' (should be 'that migrating... could be'). 'If we move this contemporary entities' (should be 'these contemporary entities'). 'this act might help communities for restraining' (should be 'in restraining'). 'I belive this bring' (should be 'this brings'). Several sentences lack proper punctuation, e.g., 'Regarding the advocators... , this idea is truely vaible and can be handled... for construction , this act might help...' – a run-on sentence.
How to Improve
Review basic grammar rules: subject-verb agreement, countable/uncountable nouns, articles (a/an/the), and correct use of prepositions. Practice writing complex sentences with proper subordination and punctuation. Proofread to catch errors. Use sentence variety (simple, compound, complex) but ensure accuracy first.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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