This Band 5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay evaluates the relocation of businesses to rural areas. While it addresses key concerns about resources and client response times, its arguments are underdeveloped and lack depth. Discover how to improve your essay structure and argument clarity.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) · Urban Planning · 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count requirement (322 words). It presents a clear disagreement with the statement, addressing the topic. However, the arguments are underdeveloped and lack depth, and the examples used are not fully relevant or well-explained. The essay's structure is basic, with noticeable issues in paragraphing and cohesion. Vocabulary is attempted but contains frequent spelling and word choice errors. Grammatical errors are frequent and sometimes impede clarity.
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In this fast paced world, diffrent types of businesses and organizations are getting build up to cater various categories of customers. Most of the unicorns and their employees are moving from central city location to the countryside to tackle the issue of traffic and high rentals. from my point of view, there are sevral prusuasive reasons to refute this statement.
Firstly, the main disadvantage of moving to rural side is that it lacks the important resources which is required to run the huge comapny. Going in deep, the rural areas do not have any sort of networking amenities that are important for the organisations to make a call, connect to the team or to lead their marketting team. This can lead to huge repurcussions for the company.
Furthermore, it can be pretty hard for the employees to come to the rural side if they live in the big cities.For example, there is Wipro" title="Correction: a company named Wipro">an company Wipro" title="Correction: named Wipro">naming wipro, that wants to sell their products on any ecommerce platform.Without the internet they are unable to push their products on the websites , huge loss" title="Correction: leading to a huge loss">leading to huge loss.
Secondly, a distinct limitation of moving to less developed area is that it cannot provide quick responses to the clients. Considering we are moving huge MNC(multinational company) to the village, their will be a huge latency to cater the client. furthermore, as the company is unable to fullfil the end users requirements, they will search for more resonable solution, leading to the huge economic loss as well as the name of the company will also be decreased. A quintessential example can be of Nokia ,the company who refused to cater as per the client's need eventuallly got perished.Thus,this downside can lead to economical as well as reputative loss for the businesses as well as for workers.
to sumup, their are upsides and downsides linked with the shifting to rural areas, however their are many limitations that overpowers the pros.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
10 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| diffrent | different |
| sevral | several |
| prusuasive | persuasive |
| comapny | company |
| marketting | marketing |
| repurcussions | repercussions |
| resonable | reasonable |
| eventuallly | eventually |
| reputative | reputational |
| wipro | Wipro |
Grammatical Mistakes
12 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| are getting build up | are being built | Incorrect passive construction; use 'being built' for formal writing. |
| to cater various categories | to cater to various categories | Missing preposition 'to' after 'cater'. |
| an company naming wipro | a company named Wipro | Article misuse: 'a' before 'company'; 'named' for identification. |
| leading to huge loss | leading to a huge loss | Missing indefinite article 'a' before 'huge loss'. |
| their will be a huge latency | there will be a significant delay | Homophone error: 'their' to 'there'; 'latency' to 'delay' for clarity. |
| end users requirements | end-users' requirements | Possessive form needed; hyphenate and use apostrophe for plural possessive. |
| more resonable solution | a more reasonable solution | Missing article 'a' before the phrase. |
| the name of the company will also be decreased | the company's reputation will also suffer | Incorrect verb 'decreased' for reputation; use 'suffer' or 'be diminished'. |
| the company who refused | the company that refused | Relative pronoun 'who' is for people; use 'that' for companies. |
| cater as per the client's need | cater to the client's needs | Non-standard phrase 'as per'; use 'to' and plural 'needs'. |
| to sumup, their are upsides | To sum up, there are upsides | Capitalization error and homophone error: 'their' to 'there'. |
| limitations that overpowers the pros | limitations that outweigh the pros | Subject-verb agreement: 'limitations' plural requires 'overpower', but 'outweigh' is more appropriate. |
Vocabulary Improvements
17 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| fast paced world | fast-paced world | Compound adjective requires hyphen for clarity. |
| getting build up | being established | Informal construction; use more formal passive voice. |
| from my point of view | In my opinion | Slightly informal for academic writing; 'In my opinion' is standard. |
| rural side | rural areas | Imprecise term; 'rural areas' is more accurate. |
| going in deep | Delving deeper | Colloquial expression; use more formal phrase. |
| networking amenities | communication infrastructure | Vague; 'amenities' refers to comforts, not business infrastructure. |
| pretty hard | quite difficult | Informal intensifier 'pretty'; use 'quite' or 'very'. |
| naming wipro | named Wipro | Incorrect word choice; 'named' is appropriate for identifying. |
| push their products | promote their products | Informal verb 'push'; use 'promote' for marketing context. |
| huge loss | significant financial loss | Vague and informal; 'significant' is more precise, and specify 'financial'. |
| huge latency | significant delays | Technical term 'latency' may not be ideal; 'delays' is clearer in business context. |
| cater the client | cater to the client | Missing preposition; 'cater to' is the correct collocation. |
| economical loss | economic loss | Wrong word; 'economical' means cost-effective, while 'economic' relates to economy. |
| reputative loss | reputational damage | Non-standard word 'reputative'; use 'reputational damage'. |
| to sumup | To summarize | Informal contraction; use 'To summarize' or 'In conclusion'. |
| linked with | associated with | Informal phrase; 'associated with' is more formal. |
| overpowers the pros | outweigh the advantages | Informal 'pros'; use 'advantages' for formal writing. |
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Task Response5
Evaluation
The candidate presents a position (disagreement) and attempts to support it with two main points: lack of resources in rural areas and inability to provide quick client responses. However, the development of ideas is limited, and the examples (Wipro, Nokia) are not sufficiently explained or directly relevant to the specific issues of traffic and housing. The essay does not explore the potential benefits of relocation to balance the argument.
Examples
The example of Wipro is used to illustrate lack of internet, but it is not clearly connected to solving traffic and housing problems. The Nokia example is about failing to meet client needs, which is tangential to the relocation debate.
How to Improve
Fully develop each main point with clear, relevant explanations. Consider both sides of the argument to show depth. Use examples that directly relate to traffic congestion and housing shortages. Ensure the conclusion summarizes the main points and reiterates the position clearly.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the body is not effectively paragraphed; the second and third points are run together in one long paragraph. Cohesive devices are used (e.g., 'Firstly', 'Furthermore', 'Secondly'), but some are misused or informal ('Going in deep'). The flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by abrupt transitions.
Examples
The second paragraph covers two distinct disadvantages (lack of resources and difficulty for employees) without separation. The phrase 'Going in deep' is informal and not appropriate. The conclusion is very brief and does not effectively summarize the argument.
How to Improve
Use separate paragraphs for each main idea. Use a range of appropriate linking words and phrases (e.g., 'Moreover', 'In addition', 'Consequently') to connect sentences and paragraphs logically. Ensure the introduction clearly outlines the essay structure and the conclusion effectively restates the main points.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
There is an attempt to use a range of vocabulary, but it is marred by frequent spelling errors, incorrect word choices, and awkward phrasing. Some words are used inappropriately, and the register is sometimes informal.
Examples
Spelling errors: 'diffrent', 'sevral', 'prusuasive', 'comapny', 'marketting', 'repurcussions', 'resonable', 'reputative'. Inappropriate word choices: 'economical loss' (should be 'economic loss'), 'quintessential example' (might be too advanced for the context). Informal phrasing: 'pretty hard'.
How to Improve
Work on spelling accuracy. Use vocabulary that is appropriate for academic writing. Avoid overly complex words if unsure of their meaning. Practice using collocations correctly (e.g., 'economic loss', 'reputational damage').
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, but grammatical errors are frequent and sometimes affect clarity. Errors include subject-verb agreement, article misuse, incorrect prepositions, punctuation errors, and sentence fragments.
Examples
Article misuse: 'an company' (should be 'a company'). Punctuation: missing capital letters after full stops ('For example, there is an company...'). Sentence fragment: 'furthermore, as the company is unable to fullfil...' (should be a new sentence or properly connected). Grammatical errors: 'their will be a huge latency' (should be 'there will be'), 'got perished' (awkward).
How to Improve
Review basic grammar rules, especially articles, subject-verb agreement, and punctuation. Practice writing complex sentences accurately. Proofread essays to identify and correct errors. Consider using grammar check tools to become aware of common mistakes.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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