This Band 5 IELTS essay on traffic congestion presents some relevant points but lacks depth and clear organization. Key issues arise from abrupt transitions and basic vocabulary, impacting the overall coherence and argument development. Analyzing these areas can help you enhance your writing skills and achieve a higher band score.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) · Urban Planning · 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: Hello User. The essay addresses the prompt but does not explore the topic deeply. While it mentions potential consequences of moving businesses, such as environmental degradation, it lacks a thorough analysis or balanced view. Coherence is weakened by abrupt transitions, and the argument is not strongly developed. Word choice is basic, and there are several grammatical and punctuation errors. Overall, the essay meets the word count requirement but could benefit from clearer organization and language use.
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Moving businesses and industries from urban to rural areas could be a good solution for issues such as traffic and housing in cities this may help but it may lead to environment degradation in the rural areas and may require alot of resources for development.
Traffic congestation and housing are a major problem in big cities today,this is due to high population and people moving to cities to look for greener pastures.To reduce this or to improve this people are urged to venture into self employment ventures as agriculture this will secure food provision for them and the people living in the city as well.
The government should also issue tax incentives to big industries to facilitate carbon print and for waste management.Moreover,they should also encourage use of public transportation to relive traffic congestation and carbon fums released by vehicals.
Rural areas will loss its spark,people travel to the suburbs to find peace and fresh air.If this is to be done it means too much development will be done the beautiful rivers and lakes might be contaminated and the nature will be completely lost.Balance is needed for humans to exist.Eventhough,infrastructure will be improved and facilities such as hospitals,schools will be modern the downside surpasses the need to move industries.
In conclusion,although moving business and industries and their workers to rural areas is a good move to decrease congestation and ease on housing this will inherently cause alot of damage in the future.Thus its important we look for better solutions to curb the problems faced in big cities.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
5 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| alot | a lot |
| congestation | congestion |
| vehicals | vehicles |
| loss | lose |
| Eventhough | Even though |
Grammatical Mistakes
5 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| Moving businesses and industries from urban to rural areas could be a good solution for issues such as traffic and housing in cities this may help but it may lead to environment degradation | Moving businesses and industries from urban to rural areas could be a good solution for issues such as traffic and housing in cities. This may help, but it may lead to environmental degradation | Run-on sentence; split into two sentences and added proper punctuation |
| big cities today,this is due | big cities today. This is due | Run-on sentence; a period is needed to separate the two independent clauses |
| improve this people | improve this, people | Comma needed after 'this' to separate clauses |
| such as hospitals,schools | such as hospitals and schools | Comma splice; 'and' needed for correct conjunction |
| Thus its important | Thus, it's important | Misuse of 'its'; 'it's' is the contraction for 'it is' and comma needed after 'Thus' |
Vocabulary Improvements
3 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| greener pastures | better opportunities | Too informal and idiomatic; 'better opportunities' is more precise and academic |
| spark | appeal | Too informal; 'appeal' is a more suitable academic alternative |
| fums | emissions | Incorrect word choice; 'emissions' is more precise |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5
Evaluation
The essay responds to the prompt but lacks depth in its analysis. It identifies potential consequences but does not fully explore or support them with detailed examples.
Examples
Mentions of environmental degradation and tax incentives are too brief and not well-supported.
How to Improve
Develop each point further by providing specific examples and analysis. Consider both benefits and drawbacks of the proposal, and provide more detailed support for your claims.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
The essay shows basic cohesion but lacks a clear structure and logical flow. Transitions between points are weak.
Examples
Abrupt transition from talking about tax incentives to discussing rural area degradation.
How to Improve
Use clearer topic sentences and linking words to connect your ideas smoothly. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear purpose and that arguments are connected logically.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
The essay uses a basic range of vocabulary. Some word choices are repetitive and there are incorrect spellings.
Examples
"congestation" should be "congestion", "alot" should be "a lot", "vehicals" should be "vehicles".
How to Improve
Expand your vocabulary range and ensure accurate spelling and word choice. Use more specific and varied language to express your ideas.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
The essay contains several grammatical errors, particularly with sentence structure and punctuation.
Examples
Frequent run-on sentences and comma splices. For instance, "To reduce this or to improve this people are urged to venture..."
How to Improve
Pay attention to sentence boundaries and punctuation. Use varied sentence structures and check for common errors in grammar and punctuation.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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