This Band 5 IELTS essay discusses the relocation of industries from urban to rural areas, presenting clarity and development challenges. The response highlights logical inconsistencies, such as incorrect references to urban facilities, which undermine the argument's effectiveness.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) · Urban Planning · 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay addresses the question and expresses a clear disagreement, but the argument is undermined by logical inconsistencies (e.g., citing lack of facilities in 'urban areas' instead of rural areas) and insufficient development. The response meets the minimum word count (296 words), but the reasoning lacks depth and clarity, limiting its effectiveness.
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Relocating big businesses and companies and their urban areas" title="Correction: employees from urban areas">employees urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic jams and housing in major cities. I disagree with this statement to a greater extend, because it requires great amount of time and effort lack of essential facilities in rural areas" title="Correction: and the lack of essential facilities in rural areas">and lack of essential facilities in urban areas. Although there are certain opposing arguments such as crowd control over major cities.I ultimately believe that has more validity" title="Correction: the supporting argument has more validity">supporting argument has more validity.
One major reason I disagree with relocation because it requires great amount of time and effort. Because while moving an industry the employers as well as the employees has to sacrifice a their productive time for setting up the new work space and also adjusting with the new environment. Additionally, another strong justification is lack of essential facilities in urban areas. Especially in the areas with limited internet accessibility and technical support. For example, many rural areas have lack reliable internet connection and this can lead to companies efficiency.
However, some people argues that relocation helps crowd control over major cities. They believe this because, numerous people are travelling as well as relocating to urban areas for better job opportunities. This leading to overcrowding and increase in traffic congestion. Nevertheless this perspective is less convincing because people are not only moving to cities for jobs but also for better education.For example, Thousands of multinational education institutions are situated in popular cities.
In conclusion, although there are certain benefits such as reduction in crowd and traffic congestion. I disagree with the statement for a greater extend, mainly because relocation of industries great amount of time and effort and the lack of essential facilities in rural areas" title="Correction: requires a great amount of time and effort and the lack of essential facilities in rural areas">great amount of time and effort" title="Correction: requires a great amount of time and effort">requires great amount of time and effort lack of essential facilities in rural areas" title="Correction: and the lack of essential facilities in rural areas">and lack of essential facilities in urban areas. Therefore, while the opposing argument may have some merits I completely disagree with the statement.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
1 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| extend | extent |
Grammatical Mistakes
19 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| employees urban areas | employees from urban areas | Missing preposition 'from' to indicate origin. |
| to a greater extend | to a greater extent | Incorrect word form; 'extent' is the required noun after 'to a greater'. |
| requires great amount of time and effort | requires a great amount of time and effort | Missing indefinite article 'a' before 'great amount'. |
| and lack of essential facilities in urban areas | and the lack of essential facilities in rural areas | Missing definite article 'the' before 'lack'; also 'urban' should be 'rural' to match context (see vocabulary). |
| supporting argument has more validity | the supporting argument has more validity | Missing definite article 'the' before 'supporting argument'. |
| One major reason I disagree with relocation because it requires | One major reason I disagree with relocation is that it requires | Missing 'is that' to properly link the reason and the clause. |
| the employers as well as the employees has to sacrifice | the employers as well as the employees have to sacrifice | Subject-verb agreement: plural subject requires 'have'. |
| sacrifice a their productive time | sacrifice their productive time | Unnecessary article 'a' before possessive 'their'. |
| adjusting with the new environment | adjusting to the new environment | Incorrect preposition; 'adjust to' is the correct collocation. |
| Especially in the areas with limited internet accessibility and technical support. | This is especially the case in areas with limited internet accessibility and technical support. | Sentence fragment; needs a main clause to attach to. |
| many rural areas have lack reliable internet connection | many rural areas lack reliable internet connection | Incorrect verb construction; 'lack' is a verb, so 'have lack' should be simply 'lack'. |
| this can lead to companies efficiency | this can reduce company efficiency | Incorrect noun phrase; 'companies efficiency' should be 'company efficiency' or rephrased as verb. |
| some people argues | some people argue | Subject-verb agreement: 'people' is plural, so 'argue' not 'argues'. |
| This leading to overcrowding and increase in traffic congestion | This leads to overcrowding and an increase in traffic congestion | Verb tense: 'leading' should be 'leads'; missing article 'an' before 'increase'. |
| Nevertheless this perspective is less convincing | Nevertheless, this perspective is less convincing | Missing comma after introductory adverb 'Nevertheless'. |
| Thousands of multinational education institutions | thousands of multinational educational institutions | Capitalization should be lowercase; 'education' should be 'educational' as an adjective. |
| I disagree with the statement for a greater extend | I disagree with the statement to a greater extent | Incorrect preposition: 'to' is needed, not 'for'; also 'extend' should be 'extent'. |
| requires great amount of time and effort and lack of essential facilities in urban areas | requires a great amount of time and effort and the lack of essential facilities in rural areas | Missing article 'a' and 'the'; 'urban' should be 'rural' (see vocabulary). |
| while the opposing argument may have some merits I completely disagree | while the opposing argument may have some merits, I completely disagree | Missing comma before the independent clause. |
Vocabulary Improvements
6 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| urban areas | rural areas | Context: the essay argues against relocating to rural areas, but repeatedly refers to 'urban areas'; should be 'rural areas' for logical consistency. |
| great amount of time and effort | considerable time and effort | 'Great' is vague and informal in academic writing; 'considerable' is more precise and formal. |
| lack of essential facilities | shortage of essential facilities | 'Shortage' is a more formal and precise term than 'lack' in this context. |
| crowd control over major cities | easing overcrowding in major cities | 'Crowd control' is associated with policing; 'easing overcrowding' better describes the intended benefit of relocation. |
| has more validity | is more compelling | 'Has more validity' is awkward; 'is more compelling' is a stronger, more natural academic phrase. |
| companies efficiency | company efficiency | Missing possessive or proper noun phrase; 'company efficiency' is the correct collocation. |
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Task Response5
Evaluation
The essay responds to the prompt by stating disagreement with the relocation solution. However, the main reasons are poorly articulated: the second point incorrectly mentions 'lack of essential facilities in urban areas' when the context is moving to rural areas, creating confusion. The counter-argument is addressed but weakly refuted. Overall, the position is clear but the support is underdeveloped and partly flawed.
Examples
The phrase 'lack of essential facilities in urban areas' contradicts the topic of moving to rural areas. The example about 'internet accessibility' is relevant but misapplied.
How to Improve
Ensure that all supporting points directly relate to the argument. Proofread to avoid contradictory statements. Develop each reason with more specific examples and explain how they justify disagreement.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the flow is disrupted by unclear connections between ideas. Transition words are used ('However', 'Nevertheless', 'Although') but often inappropriately or without clear logical progression. The second body paragraph shifts focus without a smooth link.
Examples
The transition from the first body paragraph to the second is abrupt; the phrase 'However, some people argues' starts a new point without a clear link to the previous argument. The conclusion repeats the introduction without synthesizing ideas.
How to Improve
Use clearer topic sentences to introduce each paragraph's main idea. Ensure each paragraph develops a single coherent point. Use cohesive devices like 'furthermore', 'in contrast', 'as a result' to show relationships between sentences and paragraphs.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
The vocabulary is limited and repetitive. There are several errors in word choice and collocation (e.g., 'to a greater extend' instead of 'to a great extent', 'crowd control over major cities' is vague). Some topic-specific terms are used (e.g., 'relocation', 'traffic congestion'), but the range is narrow and there is little paraphrasing.
Examples
'Great amount of time and effort' is a simple phrase; 'sacrifice a their productive time' includes a grammatical error. 'Limited internet accessibility' is adequate but not sophisticated.
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary by learning synonyms for common words (e.g., 'relocation' could be 'decentralization', 'time and effort' could be 'logistical challenges'). Practice using collocations accurately. Avoid repeating the same phrases from the question.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy4.5
Evaluation
The essay contains frequent grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement ('people argues', 'has to sacrifice'), incorrect articles ('a their productive time'), and missing prepositions ('relocating... urban areas to rural areas'). Sentence structures are mostly simple, with few complex sentences. Errors sometimes obscure meaning.
Examples
'the employers as well as the employees has to sacrifice a their productive time' – should be 'have to sacrifice their productive time'. 'This leading to overcrowding' – missing verb 'is' or 'leads'.
How to Improve
Review basic grammar rules, especially subject-verb agreement and article usage. Practice constructing complex sentences using subordinate clauses (e.g., 'Although relocation requires effort, it may reduce congestion'). Proofread carefully for errors.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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