This Band 5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay discusses video games, presenting both their benefits and drawbacks. However, it struggles with coherence and grammatical accuracy, affecting clarity. Understanding these feedback angles is crucial for achieving a higher score.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) · Video games · 40 min
Video games are seen by some as a harmless form of entertainment, or even a useful way to learn new skills. However, others argue that video games have a negative impact on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay meets the word count requirement and addresses the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of video games. However, it lacks a well-developed argument with sufficient examples and reasoning. There are issues with cohesion, lexical resource, and significant grammatical errors that obstruct understanding.
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A significant number of individuals believe that video games are highly advantageous for students. I am in complete agreement with this viewpoint because of the facts that video games are seen by some as a harmless form of entertainment and even a useful way to learn new skills.
The most fundamental reason why many consider such view is that it is usefull way for entertainment. Especially whith friends. For instance, if i play online games with my friends i feel excited and i do not think about my problems.
The second worth mentionning reason supporting this point is that, video games useful way to learn new skills. Moreover, i heard on internet gamers mind will work better and faster than normal humans because game help them work their mind faster. In addition to this, video games make gamers sense very well. The reason, they must make decision fast but true. Childrens can play differint games like match r histroy. If we make this type of games individuals can play them for every task program give them prize or score. As a result they can uy new items for their score.
In stark contrast,however, it would also be fair to admit that video games have a negative impact on the people who play them. Using from games daily live can make us fat if we do not do sport activities.
Nonetheless, I would still consider online games to be more advantageous.
In conclusion, I would like to, once again , reiterate my view that video games remains exceedingly beneficial for gamers and new users
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
6 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| usefull | useful |
| whith | with |
| mentionning | mentioning |
| differint | different |
| histroy | history |
| uy | buy |
Grammatical Mistakes
3 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| such view | such a view | Article misuse: 'a' is needed before 'view' |
| video games useful | video games are a useful | Subject-verb agreement: 'video games' is a plural subject and requires a verb |
| Using from games daily live | Using games in daily life | Preposition misuse: 'from' is incorrect, 'in' is appropriate for daily life context |
Vocabulary Improvements
5 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| i heard on internet | I read online | Too informal; 'I read online' is more precise and academically appropriate |
| normal humans | average individuals | More precise vocabulary; 'average individuals' is a clearer description |
| sense very well | develop strong sensory skills | More precise vocabulary; 'develop strong sensory skills' conveys the intended meaning more accurately |
| in stark contrast, however | on the other hand | Simpler and more common transition phrase is appropriate here |
| nonetheless | despite this | A more appropriate transition for the context given |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5.5
Evaluation
The essay addresses the task, presenting both sides of the argument, and provides an opinion that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
Examples
It mentions video games as a form of entertainment and skill development, but also briefly notes the negative impact.
How to Improve
Develop each point with more detailed reasoning and examples. Explore the negative impacts more thoroughly to provide a balanced discussion.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
The essay lacks clear organization and logical flow. Ideas are presented but not effectively linked, making it difficult to follow the argument.
Examples
The transition between paragraphs is abrupt. The essay has an inconsistent use of cohesive devices.
How to Improve
Use clearer topic sentences and linking words to connect ideas coherently. Organize information logically within paragraphs.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
The lexical resource is limited with several repeated words and phrases. There's some attempt to use less common vocabulary, but it's not used accurately.
Examples
Repetitions like 'useful way' and simple vocabulary limit the expressiveness.
How to Improve
Expand your vocabulary to explain ideas more vividly and avoid repetition. Practice using a wider range of precise vocabulary.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy4.5
Evaluation
There are frequent grammatical errors, including verb tense, sentence structure, and punctuation issues, which impede understanding.
Examples
Errors such as 'it is usefull way' and 'i heard on internet gamers mind' show weaknesses.
How to Improve
Focus on improving basic grammar, particularly verb tenses and sentence structure. Proofread your work to correct errors and attempt more complex sentence forms.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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