Achieving a Band 6.5 on your IELTS essay about relocating businesses demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic. However, to enhance your score, consider improving on the development of ideas by providing more examples and evidence. Dive into the specifics of your argument to persuade your readers effectively.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) · Urban Planning · 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay adequately addresses the question by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of relocating businesses to rural areas. However, the argument could be more persuasive with further development of ideas and evidential support. The essay meets the word count requirement, has a clear structure, and uses appropriate vocabulary and grammar, though with some areas for improvement.
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Nowadays, some big businesses and industries and their workers relocate from cities to the countryside because of the traffic congestion and housing in major cities. In my opinion, I strongly disagree with this trend, and this essay will explore some disadvantages of this point of view.
To begin with, relocating businesses and industries would require some resources, planning, and coordination. For instance, a company called NoYu Group in Korea relocated from Seoul to Andong, which is one of the most famous areas for experiencing the traditional Korean countryside, in 2008. The NoYu Group needed a large amount of time to relocate, and they also required careful management and stability. In addition, some workers are more likely to live in modern cities, and they do not want to leave their family and move to rural areas. Although rural areas are convenient for traffic and housing, they are less preferred than urban areas due to lifestyles and healthcare facilities.
However, some benefits of resettling in rural areas cannot be ignored. Firstly, the commute from homes to companies is more convenient than in urban areas. To illustrate, employees may arrive late at work because of traffic congestion in rush hour. In the countryside, however, they do not have to worry about other people's cars or vehicles, and workers can also go by bicycle to the companies. Secondly, the housing or apartment fees are affordable for some workers who have minimum wages. For example, the apartment's monthly rent fees are above $600 in the major cities of Japan but only $300 in the countryside.
To sum up, I wholeheartedly reckon that the drawbacks of relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas outweigh the benefits.
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Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6.5
Evaluation
The task response is satisfactory as it addresses the question and presents a clear opinion. However, the argument against relocation, although present, could benefit from further elaboration and evidence.
Examples
The essay mentions disadvantages of relocation like the need for resources and management, and references a company in Korea that relocated.
How to Improve
Develop arguments further with more specific examples and evidence. Discuss potential impacts of relocation on workers and cities in more detail.
Coherence & Cohesion6.5
Evaluation
The essay has a clear structure with distinct paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages, contributing to logical flow.
Examples
The essay begins with an introduction, followed by body paragraphs discussing both sides, and concludes with a summary.
How to Improve
Improve coherence by using more varied linking devices to enhance the transition between ideas. Ensure each paragraph builds upon the previous points.
Lexical Resource6.5
Evaluation
The lexical resource is competent with a range of appropriate vocabulary used. However, some phrases are repetitive, and there could be more variety.
Examples
Phrases like 'relocating businesses and industries' are repeated.
How to Improve
Enhance vocabulary by using synonyms and varying expressions. Introduce more precise and varied language to avoid repetition.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy6.5
Evaluation
The grammatical range and accuracy are generally good, with some complex sentence structures and generally correct usage of grammar.
Examples
Sentences are mostly correct, such as 'In my opinion, I strongly disagree with this trend.'
How to Improve
Increase the use of complex sentence structures. Ensure high accuracy in punctuation and check for minor mistakes in articles and prepositions.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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