This Band 6.5 IELTS essay discusses the relocation of industries and its impact on urban areas. While it presents a clear disagreement, there are coherence issues that affect the flow of ideas and overall effectiveness. Improve your writing by addressing these points.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) · Urban Planning · 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count (330 words) and presents a clear position disagreeing with the relocation idea. However, the arguments lack depth and balanced exploration, with some issues in coherence, lexical range, and grammatical accuracy. Overall, it is a competent response but with room for improvement.
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Relocating major factories from cities to the countryside has been suggested as a solution to the housing crisis and high traffic. In my opinion, this is not the most efficient solution because major cities are built around the industries within them. Moreover, it would disrupt the lives of the workers in those cities. A better solution to traffic congestion and housing problems would be to develop new highways and apartment schemes.
Major cities are created as a result of successful businesses and high-performing factories. When companies need more staff, it brings in new people to the city These workers come with families, which in turn creates a demand for more businesses in the area. For example, in Sri Lanka, Colombo became the industrial capital of the country because of the factories that created new job opportunities. This motivated people to take residence in Colombo. The increase in population led to more shopping malls, cafes, and restaurants being opened in Colombo. Therefore, removing industries and their workers from the city would ultimately lead to the deterioration of the area.
On the other hand, at least 1000 people work in any big corporation. Relocating these workers from urban areas would displace the lives they have built in the city. Let's consider an engineer working in the steel industry named Bob as an example. He would have bought a house, invested in the community, and his children would be attending the local school. The facilities available in the countryside would not be comparable to major cities. Thereby uprooting their lives and changing their lifestyles.
Based on these factors, I believe that relocating companies to rural areas from major cities is not an appropriate solution to the problem of traffic and housing. Because, without the big industries, the dynamic of urban areas would change, and within a few years, they would no longer be major cities. On the other hand, relocating workers would drastically change the livelihoods, the workers and their families have built.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Grammatical Mistakes
6 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| city These | city. These | Run-on sentence; missing punctuation between sentences. |
| and his children would be attending | and his children would attend | Lack of parallel structure in verb forms; should use base form for consistency. |
| comparable to major cities | comparable to those in major cities | Incomplete comparison; needs to specify that facilities are being compared. |
| Thereby uprooting their lives and changing their lifestyles. | This would uproot their lives and change their lifestyles. | Sentence fragment; 'thereby' should introduce a result within a complete sentence. |
| Because, without the big industries, | because without the big industries, | 'Because' is a subordinating conjunction; it should not start a sentence in formal writing. |
| the livelihoods, the workers | the livelihoods that the workers | Missing relative pronoun 'that' for clarity in the relative clause. |
Vocabulary Improvements
5 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| high traffic | traffic congestion | 'High traffic' is vague; 'traffic congestion' is more specific and academic. |
| apartment schemes | housing developments | 'Schemes' can imply trickery or plan; 'developments' is neutral and appropriate for housing projects. |
| big corporation | large corporation | 'Big' is informal; 'large' is more formal and suitable for academic writing. |
| named Bob | such as an engineer | Using a specific name like 'Bob' is informal and anecdotal; a generic description maintains formality. |
| the dynamic | the dynamics | 'Dynamic' is singular, but when referring to the changing factors of urban areas, 'dynamics' is more accurate. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6.5
Evaluation
The essay addresses the task by stating a disagreement and providing reasons, but the development is somewhat limited. It does not fully explore the extent of agreement or disagreement, and the examples (e.g., Colombo, Bob) are relevant but underdeveloped. Alternative solutions are mentioned briefly.
Examples
The example of Colombo illustrates how cities grow around industries, but it lacks detailed analysis. The hypothetical case of 'Bob' is simplistic and not fully integrated into the argument.
How to Improve
To improve, consider discussing potential benefits of relocation before refuting them, and provide more detailed, real-world examples. Expand on alternative solutions like highways and apartment schemes to strengthen the response.
Coherence & Cohesion7
Evaluation
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Ideas are logically organized, but transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. Some cohesive devices are used effectively, but others are misapplied (e.g., 'On the other hand' for a supporting point).
Examples
The shift from discussing city dynamics to worker disruption uses 'On the other hand,' which is not a direct contrast. The conclusion restates the position but does not synthesize arguments cohesively.
How to Improve
Use a wider range of linking words (e.g., 'Furthermore,' 'In contrast,' 'Consequently') to improve flow. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas are connected logically throughout.
Lexical Resource6.5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is adequate for the task but lacks variety and sophistication. Some terms (e.g., 'deterioration,' 'dynamic') are appropriate, but there is repetition (e.g., 'relocating,' 'big industries'). Colloquial language ('Let's consider... Bob') reduces formality.
Examples
Repetitive use of 'relocating' and 'big industries.' The phrase 'uprooting their lives' is effective, but overall lexical range is limited.
How to Improve
Incorporate synonyms (e.g., 'moving' for 'relocating,' 'major corporations' for 'big industries') and more academic vocabulary. Avoid informal expressions to maintain a formal tone.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy6.5
Evaluation
Grammar is generally accurate, but there are errors in sentence structure and punctuation. Sentences are mostly simple or compound, with limited complex structures. Some agreement and comma issues are present.
Examples
Incorrect comma after 'Because' in the conclusion: 'Because, without the big industries...' Awkward agreement in 'which in turn creates a demand' (where 'which' refers to a clause).
How to Improve
Practice using complex sentences with subordinate clauses. Review punctuation rules, especially for conjunctions like 'because.' Proofread to correct agreement errors and improve sentence variety.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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