This Band 6.5 IELTS essay discusses the relocation of big industries and businesses as a solution to urban congestion and housing shortages. While the essay effectively presents arguments, it lacks depth and specific examples. Additionally, there are grammatical and lexical inaccuracies that need attention for a stronger performance.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) Β· Urban Planning Β· 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
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Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay meets the word count requirement (397 words) and addresses the task prompt directly, stating full agreement with the proposed solution. It provides supporting reasons and a brief counterargument. However, the development lacks depth and specific examples, and there are some lexical and grammatical inaccuracies that prevent a higher score. Overall, a competent but not outstanding response.
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Urban planning is an essential process in developing and developed economies. With the congestion in cities, relocating big businesses and industries from urban areas to rural areas is emerging to be a good idea. This is supported by the recent surge in demand for housing facilities. The rise in urban population has created a big demand for residential units. I fully agree that relocation of industries and big businesses will ease on traffic congestion and housing.
First, traffic snarlup is usually witnessed during rush-hours. This happens mostly in the mornings when workers travel for work and evenings when they return home. Since everyone is trying to arrive at work on time, traffic is often congested. This is further worsened by the myth believed by many urban residents that private transport is better than public means. Forty people on their private cars for example will cause congestion as compared to the same number of people boarding a mass transit system like a bus. Relocating their places of work to rural areas would divide traffic that normally travelled the same direction thus reducing congestion.
Similarly, when industries and big businesses are located far from the city, issues associated with shortage of housing will be solved. This is because one of the key motivators making people choose to live in the city is the quick movement to places of work. With their places of work now further from the city, they will often be forced to look for housing far from the city as well. This will have significantly shifted the big demand for houses in the city to rural areas. It also serves as a solution to the problems associated with housing like growth of slums and garbage management.
Conversely, the move of relocating big businesses and industries from urban to rural areas is a big disadvantage to these industries and businesses. When products have been manufactured and ready for market, the industries will be forced to incur certain cost to transport their goods to the city center. Big businesses as well have majority of their consumers in the city, so relocating them to rural areas would greatly affect their sales.
In conclusion, despite these negative impacts associated with moving big businesses and industries to rural areas, I believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. It could be a good solution to traffic congestion and housing in major cities.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
1 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| snarlup | snarl-up |
Grammatical Mistakes
5 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| ease on traffic congestion | ease traffic congestion | Unnecessary preposition 'on'; 'ease' is transitive here. |
| Forty people on their private cars | Forty people in their private cars | Incorrect preposition; people travel in cars, not on. |
| This will have significantly shifted | This will significantly shift | Future perfect tense is inappropriate for a simple prediction; use simple future. |
| incur certain cost | incur certain costs | Plural needed for general costs, or add article 'a certain cost'. |
| have majority of their consumers | have the majority of their consumers | Missing definite article 'the' before 'majority'. |
Vocabulary Improvements
5 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| big businesses | large corporations | Informal; 'large corporations' is more formal and precise. |
| good idea | a viable solution | Vague; 'viable solution' is more specific and academic. |
| big demand | high demand | Informal collocation; 'high demand' is standard in academic writing. |
| myth believed | common misconception | Vague and informal; 'common misconception' is more precise and academic. |
| public means | public transportation | Vague; 'public transportation' is the standard term. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response7
Evaluation
The essay clearly states the writer's position and addresses all parts of the question. Arguments for relocation are presented (reducing traffic congestion, solving housing shortages) and a counterpoint (negative business impact) is included. However, the 'to what extent' aspect could be explored more fully, and the discussion lacks specific real-world examples or deeper analysis of the consequences.
Examples
The writer says 'I fully agree' and offers reasons like 'traffic snarlup is usually witnessed during rush-hours' and 'issues associated with shortage of housing will be solved'. The counterargument mentions increased transport costs for industries and loss of sales.
How to Improve
To improve Task Response, develop each argument with concrete examples (e.g., specific cities that have attempted this, data on traffic reduction, or case studies of relocated businesses). Also, give more balanced consideration of the degree of agreement, perhaps discussing conditions under which the solution works best.
Coherence & Cohesion7
Evaluation
The essay is logically structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs (two supporting, one opposing), and a conclusion. Cohesive devices like 'First', 'Similarly', 'Conversely', and 'In conclusion' guide the reader. However, some transitions feel abrupt, and the relationship between ideas could be made clearer within paragraphs.
Examples
The paragraph beginning 'Similarly' effectively links housing issues to workplace location. However, the shift from the counterargument to the conclusion is a bit sudden. The phrase 'This is further worsened by the myth believed by many urban residents' could be better connected to the previous sentence.
How to Improve
Use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'On the other hand', 'As a result'). Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that sentences flow logically. Avoid abrupt topic changes by adding linking phrases that show contrast or consequence.
Lexical Resource6.5
Evaluation
The essay uses a fair range of vocabulary related to urban planning (e.g., 'congestion', 'mass transit system', 'slums', 'garbage management'). Some attempts at less common words ('snarlup' β likely a typo for 'snarl-up'; 'myth believed') are made, but there are occasional inaccuracies and repetitions (e.g., 'big businesses and industries' repeated).
Examples
Correct usage: 'traffic snarlup' (though non-standard), 'relocating their places of work', 'shifted the big demand'. Weakness: 'ease on traffic congestion' should be 'ease traffic congestion'. 'Emerging to be a good idea' is awkward; better: 'is increasingly seen as a good idea'.
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary by learning synonyms for common terms (e.g., 'relocation', 'decentralisation', 'commuter traffic', 'housing crisis'). Proofread for word choice errors and avoid repetition by using pronouns or alternative phrases. Use a thesaurus but ensure collocations are natural.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy6.5
Evaluation
The essay demonstrates control over basic sentence structures, but there are several grammatical issues that affect clarity. The writer uses a mix of simple and compound sentences but struggles with tense consistency and preposition use.
Examples
Incorrect: 'This is further worsened by the myth believed by many urban residents that private transport is better than public means' (meaning is clear but structure is awkward). Tense error: 'This will have significantly shifted' (should be 'will significantly shift'). Preposition: 'ease on traffic congestion' (should be 'ease traffic congestion'). Also, 'forty people on their private cars' (should be 'in their private cars').
How to Improve
Focus on verb tense consistency, especially when discussing hypothetical outcomes. Review common preposition patterns (e.g., 'solve', 'ease', 'lead to', 'result in'). Practice using complex sentences with subordinate clauses (e.g., 'Although relocating may reduce congestion, it could harm businesses'). Proofread carefully for subject-verb agreement and article use.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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