This essay received a Band 6.5 score discussing the pros and cons of video games. While it effectively covers both viewpoints, improvements in coherence and vocabulary choice are suggested to strengthen the arguments further.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) · Video games · 40 min
Video games are seen by some as a harmless form of entertainment, or even a useful way to learn new skills. However, others argue that video games have a negative impact on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: Hello User, the essay addresses the given task by discussing both the positive and negative impacts of video games, concluding that careful selection can mitigate drawbacks. The response is well-organized and meets the word requirement, with some areas needing improvement.
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In my opinion, it really depends on the type of the video game. Modern world is full of different video games, ranging from the simplest to highly complicated. Along with the overall quality, video games differ in genres, each presented to appeal the certain group of people. Most genres and types of video games are completely harmless and designed to provide entertainment for users. For example, video games with an open world are adored by people who are fond of adventures and prefer activities that involve exploring. Apart from providing a fun time, video games can help develop new useful skills. A great example is strategic games. They appear to be not only entertaining but beneficial for their players. By playing these games you can gain skills like critical thinking and logic. Later on these skills will come in handy in real life.
On the other hand, there are some certain types of video games that not only lack benefits, but put on display harmful behaviour. These games often include violent scenarios. The player is asked to either participate in crimes or witness them. The most concerning part starts when these games include the elements of casino and start demanding real money from the user. It can lead to real threats or leaks of personal information into the internet. Therefore it is really important to be careful when choosing a video game to play.
In conclusion, video games have some really serious drawbacks, but these can be avoided if the game is chosen and played carefully.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Grammatical Mistakes
2 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| appeal the certain group of people | appeal to a certain group of people | Missing preposition: 'appeal' requires 'to' before the object. |
| some certain types | certain types | Redundancy: 'Some certain' is redundant. 'Certain' alone suffices. |
Vocabulary Improvements
4 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| Modern world | The modern world | Article: 'The' is needed to specify 'modern world' as a defined noun. |
| really important | crucial | Too informal: 'Crucial' is more precise and academic. |
| fun time | enjoyable experience | Too informal: 'Enjoyable experience' is more suitable in an academic context. |
| put on display | exhibit | Informal: 'Exhibit' is more precise and academic. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response7
Evaluation
The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both benefits and drawbacks of video games, concluding that careful selection can mitigate negative impacts.
Examples
The essay outlines benefits like skill development in strategy games and mentions drawbacks like violent content and gambling.
How to Improve
To improve further, provide more specific examples or data to reinforce arguments, and consider exploring additional perspectives to enhance the depth of the discussion.
Coherence & Cohesion6.5
Evaluation
The essay is logically organized with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother for better coherence.
Examples
Phrases like 'On the other hand' and 'In conclusion' are used, but transitions between specific points could be more fluid.
How to Improve
Work on using a wider range of linking words and phrases to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs.
Lexical Resource6.5
Evaluation
The essay uses an adequate range of vocabulary, but it is somewhat repetitive in some parts.
Examples
Use of terms like 'harmless', 'entertainment', 'critical thinking', and 'violent scenarios' shows some range.
How to Improve
Try to incorporate more varied and precise vocabulary to increase lexical richness and avoid repetition.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy6
Evaluation
The essay demonstrates a decent range of grammatical structures, but errors occasionally interfere with clarity.
Examples
Sentences such as 'Modern world is full of different video games' miss definite articles, affecting accuracy.
How to Improve
Focus on accuracy with articles and subject-verb agreement, and aim to use more complex sentence structures to demonstrate a wider grammatical range.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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