This Band 6.5 IELTS essay on video games highlights key strengths and weaknesses. While the response addresses the task well, issues with grammar and coherence affect clarity. Improving these aspects can enhance your overall score.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) Β· Video games Β· 40 min
Video games are seen by some as a harmless form of entertainment, or even a useful way to learn new skills. However, others argue that video games have a negative impact on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay adequately addresses the task prompt and presents a clear opinion supported by relevant arguments. While the response is sufficiently developed and meets the word count criteria, it could benefit from more precise language usage and better grammatical accuracy.
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In recent years, video games have become one of the most popular forms of entertainment worldwide. While some people believe that they are harmful and negatively affect players, others argue that video games can be educational and beneficial. In my opinion, although video games offer certain advantages, their drawbacks outweigh the benefits, especially when they are played excessively.
On the one hand, videos games can provide several positive effects. Many games improve problem thinking ability, communication skills, and concentration. for example, such as strategy and puzzle games encourage to think critically and enhance decision making skills. In addition, educational games helps students to learn subjects such as mathematics, history and languages in enjoyable and interactive way.
On the other hand, despite their benefits, negative effects of video games are more significant and serious. One major concern is the addiction. Majority of the people are spending long hours on the video games, which reduce their focus on the study and physical activity. As a result, excessive gaming may lead to poor performance in academics, unhealthy lifestyles and social isolation.
Another serious drawback is the impact on physical and mental health. Spending too much time in front of screen can cause eye strain, sleep disorder and lack of physical activity which leads to a metabolic disorder. A recent study found that people who spend an average of seven hours a day on screens are more likely to develop anxiety, depression, and sleep disturbances.
In conclusion, video games can offer certain advantages to develop skills and provide entertainment, I believe their disadvantages are greater than their benefits. Excessive gaming can affect negatively your health, academics and social relationships, making it harmful than beneficial overall.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
1 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| videos | video |
Grammatical Mistakes
10 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| problem thinking ability | problem-solving skills | Incorrect phrase: the correct term is 'problem-solving skills' |
| for example, such as strategy | for example, strategy | Redundant conjunction: remove 'such as' when 'for example' is used |
| encourage to think critically | encourage players to think critically | Missing object: 'encourage' requires specifying who is being encouraged |
| helps students | help students | Subject-verb agreement: 'games' is plural and requires 'help' |
| in enjoyable and interactive way | in an enjoyable and interactive way | Article misuse: 'an' is needed before 'enjoyable' |
| the addiction | addiction | Unnecessary article: no article needed before abstract nouns in general meaning |
| people are spending | people spend | Consistency in verb tense: maintain simple present for habitual actions |
| lack of physical activity which leads to a metabolic disorder | lack of physical activity, which leads to metabolic disorders | Countable noun error: 'disorders' is more appropriate and requires a comma |
| affect negatively your health | negatively affect your health | Misplaced adjective: 'negatively' should precede 'affect' |
| harmful than beneficial | more harmful than beneficial | Comparative form error: 'more' is needed for comparison |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response7
Evaluation
The essay provides a clear and relevant response to the prompt. It presents a balanced discussion of the advantages and disadvantages of video games and offers a justified opinion.
Examples
The writer discusses both the educational benefits and negative impacts such as addiction and health issues.
How to Improve
To achieve a higher score, further expand on the points with additional supporting details and examples to strengthen the arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion6.5
Evaluation
The essay is logically structured, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother to enhance cohesion.
Examples
Phrases like 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand' are used to structure the arguments but could be integrated more naturally.
How to Improve
Improve coherence by using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring that each paragraph contributes smoothly to the overall argument.
Lexical Resource6.5
Evaluation
The essay uses an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. There are occasional errors that affect clarity and precision.
Examples
Phrases like 'problem thinking ability' should be corrected to 'problem-solving ability.'
How to Improve
To enhance lexical resource, work on using more precise and varied vocabulary, and ensure word forms are appropriate for context.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy6
Evaluation
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures but includes several errors that occasionally hinder comprehension.
Examples
Errors include 'videos games' instead of 'video games,' and inconsistent verb forms such as 'helps' instead of 'help.'
How to Improve
Focus on improving grammatical accuracy by thoroughly reviewing subject-verb agreement and ensuring consistent tense usage throughout the essay.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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