This band 6.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay discusses the pros and cons of video games. While it comprehensively explores both sides, it suffers from a few spelling errors and clarity issues that could be improved for a higher score.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) · Video games · 40 min
Video games are seen by some as a harmless form of entertainment, or even a useful way to learn new skills. However, others argue that video games have a negative impact on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay meets the word count requirement and addresses the prompt with a clear position that drawbacks outweigh benefits. It presents relevant ideas for both sides but lacks depth in development. Coherence and cohesion are generally good, though with some unclear phrases. Lexical resource is limited by frequent spelling errors, and grammatical range is adequate but with noticeable inaccuracies.
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While a number of individuals emphasize that video games are often considered a harmless source of entertainment and even a toolfor developing certain skills, others are convinced that they have a negative impact on the people play them . I believe that the negative effects of video games outweigh their advantages.
One major significant is that video games can be beneficial in several ways . Firstly, they can improve cognitive skills such as problem-soving, strategic thinking, and -eye coordination. For example, many action and puzzle-based games require players to make quick decisions, which can sharpen their mental abilities. Secondly video games can serve as a means of relaxation and stress relief, especially for students and working individuals after a long day. In addition, online multiplayer games allow people to connect with otherts globally, promoting social interaction.
However, despite these advantages , the drawbacks of video games are more significant. One significant concern is addiction . Many players, particularly young people, spend excessive hours playing games, which can negatively affects their accademic performance and daily responsibilities. Furthermore, prolonged screen time can lead to health issues such as eye strain, poor posture ,and lackof physical activity. Another serious issue is the exposture to voilent content in some games , which may increase agggressive behavior among players ,especially children.
In conclusion, although video games can provide entertainment and help develop certain skills, their negative impacts on health, behavior, and productivity are more substantial. Therefore, I believe that the disadvantages of video games outweigh the benefits.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
8 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| toolfor | tool for |
| problem-soving | problem-solving |
| otherts | others |
| accademic | academic |
| exposture | exposure |
| voilent | violent |
| agggressive | aggressive |
| lackof | lack of |
Grammatical Mistakes
6 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| on the people play them | on the people who play them | Missing relative pronoun 'who' to introduce the relative clause. |
| One major significant is that | One major point is that | Adjective 'significant' incorrectly used as a noun; should use a noun like 'point' or 'aspect'. |
| and -eye coordination | and hand-eye coordination | Incomplete phrase; missing word 'hand' before 'eye coordination'. |
| Secondly video games | Secondly, video games | Missing comma after the introductory adverb 'Secondly'. |
| which can negatively affects | which can negatively affect | Modal verb 'can' requires the base form 'affect', not 'affects'. |
| poor posture ,and lackof | poor posture, and lack of | Incorrect spacing before comma and missing space in 'lack of'. |
Vocabulary Improvements
1 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| One major significant | One significant point | 'Significant' is an adjective and cannot be used as a noun; use a noun phrase like 'significant point' for clarity and correctness. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response7
Evaluation
The essay fully responds to the question by discussing both benefits and drawbacks, and maintains a clear opinion throughout. Ideas are relevant and supported with examples, though they could be more developed for higher marks.
Examples
Benefits include improved cognitive skills and stress relief; drawbacks include addiction and health issues. The conclusion reinforces the position that drawbacks are more substantial.
How to Improve
To improve, provide more detailed explanations or evidence for each point, such as citing studies or giving specific scenarios. Ensure all examples are directly linked to the argument for greater impact.
Coherence & Cohesion7
Evaluation
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Paragraphing is appropriate, but there are minor cohesion issues due to typos and missing words.
Examples
Phrases like 'One major significant is that' are unclear. Missing words in 'the people play them' (should be 'who play them'). However, transitions like 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' and 'In conclusion' help organize the content.
How to Improve
Use a wider range of linking words (e.g., 'furthermore,' 'consequently') to improve flow. Proofread to correct errors that disrupt cohesion, and ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic.
Lexical Resource6
Evaluation
Vocabulary is sufficient to discuss the topic, but there are several spelling errors and some imprecise word choices, which reduce clarity and sophistication.
Examples
Misspellings: 'problem-soving' (problem-solving), 'otherts' (others), 'accademic' (academic), 'exposture' (exposure), 'voilent' (violent), 'agggressive' (aggressive). 'Lackof' should be 'lack of'.
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary by learning topic-specific terms (e.g., 'sedentary lifestyle,' 'cognitive development'). Practice spelling and use a dictionary to verify words. Avoid repetition by using synonyms.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy6
Evaluation
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentences, but grammatical errors are frequent, affecting accuracy. Some sentences are incorrectly constructed.
Examples
Errors: 'can negatively affects' (should be 'affect'), 'people play them' (missing 'who'), 'One major significant is that' (grammatically awkward). Correct use of tenses and articles is generally maintained.
How to Improve
Practice complex sentence structures, such as conditional clauses or relative clauses. Focus on subject-verb agreement and verb forms after modal verbs like 'can.' Review grammar rules and proofread carefully.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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