This Band 6 IELTS essay discusses the trend of choosing adventurous activities over relaxing holidays. While the essay addresses the topic, it faces clarity and grammatical issues that could be improved. Discover specific feedback to enhance your writing skills.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) Β· Travel Β· 40 min
People nowadays prefer to have adventurous and thrilling activities on their holidays, rather than relaxing in a distant place. Do you agree or disagree?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count (264 words) and addresses the task with a clear, partially agreeing position. Relevant ideas are presented but development is somewhat superficial. Grammatical errors and lexical inaccuracies occasionally affect clarity, though the structure is coherent. Overall, it demonstrates a competent level of English.
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In recent years, holiday preferences have shifted considerably. Many individuals now choosing adventurous and thrilling activities, such as- hiking,trekking, bungee jumping etc. rather than spending their vacation in distant location only by relaxing. I believe both approaches have their merits and the choice mainly depends on the individual choices. Nevertheless, I partly agree that adventurous holidays are getting more popular.
Modern lifestyles are monotonous and stressful, thatβs why in the vacation people want to do something different. tasks provides excitement" title="Correction: Doing different thrilling tasks provides excitement">By doing different thrilling tasks provides excitement and a sense of achievement as well as adrenaline rush that relax tour cannot provide. For example, trekking in mountains of Himalayans or bungee jumping in Nepal allows individuals to challenge themselves both physically and mentally and create unforgettable memories. They can get unforgettable experiences and can explore the unseen beauty of the nature.
On the other hand, relaxation in distant place also offer some advantages. After the stressful working hours or loads of academic life, many people want to spend the vacation by relaxing. Unlike adventurous trips, which may involve physical movement , relaxing holidays offer comfort and peace. For instance, many people go to resorts in distant places which has quite , peaceful environment, helps to feel relax for some time after the exhausted hours.
In conclusion, adventurous and thrilling holidays are increasingly popular because they offer excitement and the feeling of do something new but the relaxing tours only provide comfort for those who wants rest and tranquility. Personally, I believe a balanced approach by combining adventurous tour with relaxation and this provide the most fulfilling experience.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
2 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| Himalayans | Himalayas |
| quite | quiet |
Grammatical Mistakes
18 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| Many individuals now choosing | Many individuals are now choosing | Missing auxiliary verb for present continuous tense |
| such as- hiking,trekking | such as hiking, trekking | Incorrect punctuation; use comma after 'such as' and space after commas in lists |
| in distant location | in a distant location | Article missing before singular countable noun 'location' |
| the choice mainly depends on the individual choices. | the choice mainly depends on individual preferences. | Redundant phrasing; 'individual choices' is awkward, use 'individual preferences' for clarity |
| thatβs why in the vacation | which is why during vacation | 'That's' is informal contraction; 'in the vacation' is incorrect preposition use, 'during vacation' is standard |
| By doing different thrilling tasks provides excitement | Doing different thrilling tasks provides excitement | Incorrect sentence structure; 'By doing' should not be followed directly by 'provides'; use gerund as subject |
| adrenaline rush that relax tour cannot provide | an adrenaline rush that a relaxing tour cannot provide | Article missing before 'adrenaline rush', and 'relax tour' is incorrect; use 'relaxing tour' as adjective |
| mountains of Himalayans | the Himalayan mountains | Incorrect name; 'Himalayans' refers to people, not mountains; use 'Himalayan mountains' |
| the unseen beauty of the nature | the unseen beauty of nature | Unnecessary definite article before 'nature'; 'nature' is used without article in this context |
| relaxation in distant place also offer some advantages. | Relaxation in distant places also offers some advantages. | Subject-verb agreement: 'relaxation' is singular, so verb should be 'offers'; 'place' should be plural for generality |
| loads of academic life | the pressures of academic life | 'Loads of' is informal; use 'pressures of' for formal tone |
| spend the vacation by relaxing | spend their vacation relaxing | 'The vacation' should be 'their vacation' for possession; 'by relaxing' can be simplified to 'relaxing' |
| which has quite , peaceful environment | which have a quiet, peaceful environment | 'Which' refers to plural 'places' or 'resorts', so verb should be 'have'; 'quite' is likely a typo for 'quiet'; missing article 'a' |
| helps to feel relax | helps them feel relaxed | Missing object for 'helps'; 'feel' should be followed by adjective 'relaxed', not verb 'relax' |
| after the exhausted hours | after exhausting hours | 'Exhausted' describes people, not hours; use 'exhausting' to describe the hours |
| the feeling of do something new | the feeling of doing something new | After preposition 'of', use gerund 'doing' instead of base form 'do' |
| for those who wants rest | for those who want rest | Subject-verb agreement: 'those' is plural, so verb should be 'want' |
| combining adventurous tour with relaxation and this provide | combining an adventurous tour with relaxation, and this provides | Missing article before 'adventurous tour'; 'this' is singular, so verb should be 'provides' |
Vocabulary Improvements
10 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| etc. | and other activities | Informal abbreviation; in academic writing, use full phrases or omit |
| thatβs | that is | Contraction is too informal for essay writing; use full form |
| tasks | activities | 'Tasks' implies work or chores; for leisure, 'activities' is more appropriate |
| relax tour | relaxing holiday | Incorrect collocation; 'relax' is a verb, use 'relaxing' as adjective to modify 'holiday' |
| get unforgettable experiences | gain unforgettable experiences | 'Get' is informal; 'gain' or 'acquire' is more formal for experiences |
| loads of | pressures of | 'Loads of' is colloquial; use 'pressures of' or 'demands of' for formal tone |
| quite | quiet | 'Quite' means fairly or completely, but here 'quiet' is intended for peacefulness; correct word is 'quiet' |
| feel relax | feel relaxed | Incorrect collocation; after 'feel', use adjective 'relaxed' to describe state |
| exhausted hours | exhausting hours | 'Exhausted' is for people; use 'exhausting' to describe hours that cause exhaustion |
| do something new | doing something new | After 'feeling of', use gerund for grammatical correctness and formality |
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Task Response6
Evaluation
The candidate takes a clear stance (partly agreeing) and discusses both adventurous and relaxing holidays with relevant examples, such as trekking in the Himalayas and relaxing at resorts. However, the ideas are not fully extended, and the conclusion shifts slightly towards a balanced approach without fully reinforcing the initial position.
Examples
Example: 'I partly agree that adventurous holidays are getting more popular.' and the discussion of both merits. But the benefits are stated without deep analysis.
How to Improve
To improve, develop each point with more detailed explanations and consequences. Ensure the position remains consistent throughout, and explicitly link examples back to the argument.
Coherence & Cohesion6
Evaluation
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Cohesive devices like 'On the other hand' and 'In conclusion' are used, but within paragraphs, cohesion is occasionally disrupted by awkward phrasing and punctuation errors.
Examples
Awkward transition: 'By doing different thrilling tasks provides excitement...' and missing commas in 'which has quite , peaceful environment'.
How to Improve
Use a wider range of linking words (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'Consequently') and ensure sentences flow smoothly within paragraphs. Proofread for punctuation and sentence clarity.
Lexical Resource6
Evaluation
Vocabulary is generally appropriate for the topic, with terms like 'adventurous', 'thrilling', 'trekking', and 'tranquility'. However, there are inaccuracies in word choice, spelling, and collocation.
Examples
Incorrect: 'Himalayans' (should be 'Himalayas'), 'relax tour' (should be 'relaxing tour'), 'feel relax' (should be 'feel relaxed'), and 'quite' likely meant 'quiet'.
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary range with more precise and sophisticated terms related to travel and leisure. Practice word forms and collocations, and use a dictionary to verify spelling and usage.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5.5
Evaluation
There is an attempt to use a mix of simple and complex sentences, but grammatical errors are frequent, affecting clarity and accuracy. Issues include verb tense errors, subject-verb agreement, and incorrect verb forms.
Examples
Errors: 'Many individuals now choosing' (missing auxiliary verb), 'By doing... provides' (incorrect gerund use), 'this provide' (should be 'provides'), and 'the feeling of do something' (should be 'doing').
How to Improve
Focus on mastering verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and gerund/infinitive usage. Practice constructing complex sentences with clauses, and proofread thoroughly to reduce errors.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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