This Band 6 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay discusses the preference for adventurous holidays versus relaxing ones. While it successfully addresses the prompt, the lack of a clear stance and grammatical errors hinder its effectiveness. The feedback focuses on improving coherence and grammar to enhance the overall argument.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) Β· Travel Β· 40 min
People nowadays prefer to have adventurous and thrilling activities on their holidays, rather than relaxing in a distant place. Do you agree or disagree?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count (283 vs. 250 required) and addresses the topic, but it does not take a clear position on whether to agree or disagree with the statement. The argument is developed with examples, but coherence could be improved with better linking and structure. Vocabulary is varied but contains several spelling and word choice errors. Grammar is problematic with frequent mistakes in sentence structure and accuracy, limiting the range.
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In the contemporary setting, individuals are more involved not only in thrilling and adventurous activities on their holidays but also relaxing in a far or overseas place. While people tend to believe that the former is becoming common, I think relaxing and clearing up their mind has become equally popular depending on a person's preference.
On one hand, participating in adventurous activities that offers thrilling experience namely sky diving, hot air ballon, surfing, and driving super cars creates unique experience and creating memories worth to remember. Therefore, it has been made a success by the technological advancement in building modern equipments that were not present earlier .For instance, sky diving technology with a safer parachute has promoted increase involvment among daring people. In addition, travel magazines have reported that skydiving has been introduced to developing countries signifying improved life standard which will lead to active participation.
Consequently, going overseas to the most exciting touring destinations offers an immense benefits to people, by trying new cuisines and coming into contact with people from diverse cultures, this fosters incorporation of wide range of perspectives and changes one's ways of thinking. It is widely prefered by children, women and aged people because it does not involve active physical participation. Furthermore, this is common for people who want a break from work or studies to unwind and take care of their mental well being. As and example, travel companies are now offering cheaper packages attracting people to unique destinations.
In conclusiom, while sureal experience is more prefered by majority of men and some women due to their adventurous nature, old people and children are increasingly travelling to unwind because of luring travel agencies that offers notable discounts.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
6 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| conclusiom | conclusion |
| sureal | surreal |
| prefered | preferred |
| involvment | involvement |
| equipments | equipment |
| ballon | balloon |
Grammatical Mistakes
11 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| activities that offers | activities that offer | Subject-verb agreement: 'activities' is plural and requires 'offer' |
| creating memories worth to remember | creating memories worth remembering | Incorrect infinitive; 'worth' is followed by a gerund |
| modern equipments | modern equipment | 'Equipment' is an uncountable noun and does not take a plural form |
| .For instance | For instance, | Missing space after period; should be properly punctuated |
| promoted increase involvment | promoted increased involvement | Article missing or incorrect form; 'increased' is an adjective modifying 'involvement' |
| improved life standard | improved living standards | 'Living standards' is the common collocation for quality of life |
| offers an immense benefits | offers immense benefits | Article misuse; 'an' cannot be used with plural 'benefits' |
| this fosters incorporation of wide range of perspectives | this fosters the incorporation of a wide range of perspectives | Missing articles; 'the' before 'incorporation' and 'a' before 'wide range' |
| It is widely prefered | It is widely preferred | Subject-verb agreement and spelling; 'preferred' is the correct form |
| As and example | As an example | Incorrect article; 'an' should be used before 'example' |
| agencies that offers | agencies that offer | Subject-verb agreement; 'agencies' is plural, so 'offer' should be plural |
Vocabulary Improvements
12 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| clearing up their mind | clearing their minds | 'Clear up' is phrasal and informal; 'clear their minds' is more precise |
| creates unique experience | creates unique experiences | Article missing or plural form needed for context |
| worth to remember | worth remembering | Incorrect collocation; 'worth' is followed by a gerund |
| made a success | made possible | 'Made a success' is awkward; 'made possible' is more academic |
| technological advancement | technological advancements | 'Advancements' is often used in plural for this context |
| coming into contact with | interacting with | 'Coming into contact with' is somewhat informal; 'interacting with' is more formal |
| fosters incorporation of | fosters the incorporation of | Missing article; 'the incorporation' is more grammatically correct |
| ways of thinking | perspectives | 'Ways of thinking' is acceptable, but 'perspectives' is more concise and academic |
| unwind | relax | 'Unwind' is informal; 'relax' is more neutral |
| mental well being | mental well-being | 'Well-being' should be hyphenated as a compound noun |
| luring travel agencies | attractive travel packages | 'Luring' has a negative connotation; 'attractive' is more positive and appropriate |
| notable discounts | significant discounts | 'Notable' is acceptable, but 'significant' is more commonly used in this context |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
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Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay partially addresses the task by discussing both adventurous and relaxing holidays. However, the position is not clearly stated; instead of agreeing or disagreeing, it presents a balanced view that depends on preference. This leads to a lack of clear argument throughout.
Examples
The introduction states: 'I think relaxing and clearing up their mind has become equally popular depending on a person's preference.' The conclusion reinforces this by categorizing preferences by age and gender rather than taking a stance.
How to Improve
Clearly state your agreement or disagreement in the introduction. Develop each paragraph to support your position with reasons and examples, rather than presenting both sides equally.
Coherence & Cohesion6
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the logical flow between ideas is sometimes weak, and linking words are not always used appropriately.
Examples
Using 'Consequently' to start the second body paragraph implies a result, but it introduces a contrasting point about relaxing holidays. The conclusion begins with 'In conclusiom' which is misspelled, and the summary is somewhat disjointed.
How to Improve
Use cohesive devices more accurately to show contrast (e.g., 'On the other hand') or addition (e.g., 'Furthermore'). Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas progress logically.
Lexical Resource6
Evaluation
There is an attempt to use a range of vocabulary, but several spelling and word choice errors reduce clarity and precision.
Examples
Misspellings: 'involvment' for 'involvement', 'equipments' for 'equipment', 'prefered' for 'preferred', 'sureal' for 'surreal'. Awkward phrasing: 'creating memories worth to remember' should be 'worth remembering'.
How to Improve
Proofread for spelling errors. Use vocabulary accurately and appropriately. Consider using a dictionary or thesaurus to find correct words and phrases.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5.5
Evaluation
The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, but grammatical errors are frequent, affecting clarity and accuracy.
Examples
Subject-verb agreement error: 'activities that offers' should be 'activities that offer'. Article error: 'offers an immense benefits' should be 'offers immense benefits' or 'an immense benefit'. Tense and word form errors: 'has been made a success' is awkward; 'has promoted increase involvment' should be 'has promoted increased involvement'.
How to Improve
Review basic grammar rules, especially subject-verb agreement, articles, and word forms. Practice writing complex sentences with correct punctuation and structure.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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