This Band 6 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay discusses the relocation of businesses to alleviate urban congestion. While the essay addresses the topic, it lacks clear examples and detailed explanations, impacting overall clarity and effectiveness.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) Β· Urban Planning Β· 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
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Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count of 259 words and addresses the topic directly, agreeing that relocation could be a solution. However, the arguments are underdeveloped with limited support and examples. Cohesion is affected by awkward phrasing and unclear connections. Vocabulary is adequate but with some errors, and grammar shows inaccuracies that hinder clarity.
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Population has been growing and creating some issues which are traffic congestion and housing, especially in major cities. As a result, some argue that relocating big businesses and industries to rural areas can be a good solution.
From my perspective, the idea arises in terms of equality in population distribution which is an effective solution for the problem. The issues emerge by the growth of population that are not in sync with the capacity of the area and unable the city to provide sufficient infrastructure. For example, a road may be developed to prevent congestion. The development will be an effective solution for some years until it will get overused by the growth of population. Hence, the same issues will occur.
Industries and their workers also have to be relocated to balance the lives. This widens the opportunity for people from the urban areas itself and also the rural area. Therefore, city will not be burdened for a larger population, arising issues and rural areas will be developed, creating equality. Despite giving a good impact, relocating needs a lot of consideration in planning without disrupting lives in the rural areas. Rural areas tend to have deep-rooted culture that needs to be respected.
In conclusion, relocating big businesses and industries with their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the congestion issues and housing in major cities because it will distribute the population equally, solving the main reason of congestion. It will also give opportunities to develop in rural areas with a sustainable plan
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Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Grammatical Mistakes
7 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| emerge by the growth of population that are not in sync | emerge from the population growth that is not in sync | Preposition error: 'by' should be 'from' to indicate origin; subject-verb agreement: 'growth' is singular, so use 'is' instead of 'are'. |
| unable the city to provide | renders the city unable to provide | Incorrect verb construction: 'unable' is an adjective and cannot be used as a verb; 'renders ... unable' is the correct form. |
| until it will get overused | until it gets overused | Tense usage in time clauses: after 'until' for future events, use present tense instead of future tense. |
| urban areas itself | urban areas themselves | Pronoun agreement: 'itself' is singular, but 'areas' is plural, so use 'themselves' for consistency. |
| rural area | rural areas | Pluralization: for consistency with 'urban areas', use plural 'rural areas'. |
| city will not be burdened for | the city will not be burdened by | Missing article: 'city' should have the definite article 'the'; preposition error: 'for' should be 'by' to indicate cause. |
| main reason of congestion | main cause of congestion | Preposition error: 'reason of' is non-standard; use 'cause of' or 'reason for' for correct collocation. |
Vocabulary Improvements
7 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| big businesses | large businesses | Informal: 'big' is colloquial; 'large' is more appropriate for formal or academic writing. |
| good solution | effective solution | Vague: 'good' is imprecise; 'effective' better conveys the intended meaning in an academic context. |
| arises in terms of | is based on | Vague phrasing: 'arises in terms of' is awkward and unclear; 'is based on' is more direct and precise. |
| balance the lives | improve quality of life | Incorrect collocation: 'balance the lives' is vague and non-standard; 'improve quality of life' is clearer and more meaningful. |
| widens the opportunity | expands opportunities | Better collocation: 'widens' is less common with 'opportunity'; 'expands opportunities' is more natural and academic. |
| giving a good impact | having a positive impact | Informal and incorrect verb: 'giving an impact' is non-standard; 'having a positive impact' is the correct collocation. |
| give opportunities | provide opportunities | Informal: 'give' is less formal; 'provide' is preferred in academic writing for offering opportunities. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The response presents a clear position but does not fully extend ideas or provide detailed examples. The main points about population distribution and rural development are mentioned but not elaborated.
Examples
For instance, the essay states 'the idea arises in terms of equality in population distribution' but does not explain how this equality directly solves traffic and housing issues. The example of road development is vague and not effectively linked to the solution.
How to Improve
Develop each paragraph with specific examples and consequences. Explain the cause-effect relationship between relocation and reduced congestion/housing pressure. Consider addressing potential drawbacks or counterarguments to demonstrate a deeper analysis.
Coherence & Cohesion5.5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with introduction, body, and conclusion, but the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs is sometimes disrupted by unclear references and awkward transitions.
Examples
In the second paragraph, 'The issues emerge by the growth of population that are not in sync with the capacity of the area and unable the city to provide sufficient infrastructure' is confusing due to grammatical errors and poor phrasing. The use of 'Hence' is appropriate but the preceding idea is not clearly linked.
How to Improve
Use a range of cohesive devices (e.g., furthermore, however, consequently) to connect ideas more smoothly. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that sentences within paragraphs follow logically. Revise for clarity and coherence.
Lexical Resource6
Evaluation
Vocabulary is sufficient for the task but lacks precision and variety. Some word choices are incorrect or inappropriate, affecting meaning.
Examples
'unable the city' should be 'makes the city unable' or 'prevents the city from providing'. 'Balance the lives' is unclear; 'improve quality of life' or 'redistribute resources' might be more precise. 'Deep-rooted culture' is acceptable but not fully integrated.
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary related to urban planning, economics, and social issues. Use collocations accurately (e.g., 'alleviate congestion', 'housing shortage'). Practice using synonyms and more academic language to express ideas with greater clarity.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5.5
Evaluation
There is an attempt to use complex sentences, but grammatical errors are frequent, especially in subject-verb agreement, tense usage, and sentence structure.
Examples
'that are not in sync' should be 'that is not in sync' (agreeing with 'growth'). 'until it will get overused' should be 'until it is overused' or 'until it becomes overused'. 'Arising issues' should be 'reducing issues' or 'mitigating issues' for clarity.
How to Improve
Focus on accuracy in verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and article usage. Practice constructing complex sentences with subordinate clauses and correct punctuation. Proofread carefully to identify and correct errors.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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