This Band 6 IELTS essay discusses the idea of parenting ability by gender but suffers from clarity issues. The writer's position is confused, presenting arguments for both sides without clear alignment, impacting task response. Improve your understanding of effective argumentation and essay structure with this analysis.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) · Family · 40 min
Some people believe that women are naturally better parents than men, which explains why they often assume greater responsibility for raising children. Others argue that men are equally capable of parenting. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count (298 words) and addresses the topic of parenting ability by gender. However, the position is unclear: the writer states 'I agree with this statement' but then argues that both genders are equally capable, which actually disagrees with the first belief presented in the prompt. This misalignment limits task response. The structure is basic but functional, with some cohesive devices and a clear attempt to present arguments. Lexical range is adequate but includes errors (e.g., 'extend' for 'extent', 'maintained' misused). Grammatical errors (e.g., subject-verb agreement, awkward phrasing) are noticeable but do not severely impede understanding. Overall, the essay is satisfactory but has several shortcomings.
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Certain people believe that women are naturally better parents than men, which explains why they often assume greater responsibility for raising children, while others argue that men are equally capable of parenting. I agree with this statement to a greater extend that, both men and women are capable of parenting. As it can be justified that parenting is not a gender based role. Although, there are certain opposing arguments such as women have more emotional connection with children than men.
One main reason why I agree to a greater extent is that, parenting is not a gender based role. A good parent is someone who is patient, kind, and give valuable advices to their children. This helps them to be a better person who is well disciplined and maintained, and that is the major aim of parenting. So both men and women are equally capable of doing this. And sometimes, men gives more life lessons than women. For instance, sometimes it is evident that children who are brought up with both men and women attention, likely to do better in life as they get support and love from both parents.
On the other hand, women are said to have emotional connection with the children. Since pregnancy, the child and mother bond in several ways. And also during the infant stage the relation between the mother and the child is really beautiful. Traditionally, it is believed that mother are good parent because, they nurture and take care of the baby more than the father. However, this reason is less convincing.
In conclusion, I agree that men are also equally capable of parenting, mainly because parenting is not gender based, however, women are said to be naturally better than men because of the emotional connection between the mother and child.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
1 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| extend | extent |
Grammatical Mistakes
8 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| give valuable advices | gives valuable advice | Subject-verb agreement: 'someone' is singular, so 'gives'; 'advice' is uncountable, not 'advices' |
| men gives | men give | Subject-verb agreement: plural subject 'men' requires 'give' |
| with both men and women attention | with attention from both men and women | Missing preposition and possessive structure; rephrased for clarity |
| likely to do better | are likely to do better | Missing auxiliary verb 'are' to complete the predicate |
| mother are good parent | mothers are good parents | Subject-verb agreement and plural noun: 'mothers' plural, 'parents' plural |
| because, they nurture | because they nurture | Unnecessary comma after 'because' |
| parenting is not gender based, however, women are said | parenting is not gender based; however, women are said | Comma splice; use semicolon to separate independent clauses |
| that, both | that both | Unnecessary comma after 'that' |
Vocabulary Improvements
2 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| well disciplined and maintained | well-disciplined and well-adjusted | 'Maintained' is vague in this context; 'well-adjusted' is more precise for describing a child's development |
| really beautiful | deeply meaningful | 'Really' is informal; 'deeply meaningful' is a more formal and precise alternative for describing the mother-child bond |
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Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay partially addresses the task. It discusses the two sides (women as naturally better vs. men equally capable) and presents a position, but the position is confused: the writer claims to agree with the 'statement' (which is that women are naturally better) yet the arguments support equality. The conclusion also lacks clarity on the extent of agreement. The main points are underdeveloped; for example, the counterargument is mentioned but not effectively rebutted. The response meets the word count but lacks full control of task requirements.
Examples
Sentence: 'I agree with this statement to a greater extend that, both men and women are capable of parenting.' This shows misunderstanding of which view is being agreed to.
How to Improve
Clearly identify the view you are responding to. If the statement is 'women are naturally better,' state that you disagree or only partially agree. Then explain your extent explicitly (e.g., 'I disagree because...'). Develop each reason with specific examples or evidence, and ensure the conclusion directly answers the question.
Coherence & Cohesion6
Evaluation
The essay has a recognisable structure (introduction, two body paragraphs, conclusion), and some cohesive devices are used ('One main reason', 'On the other hand', 'however', 'in conclusion'). However, the progression of ideas is not always logical: the second body paragraph introduces a counterargument but does not link it back to the main argument. Some sentences are poorly connected, and there are minor issues with referencing (e.g., 'this' without clear antecedent). The overall flow is acceptable but not smooth.
Examples
The phrase 'This helps them to be a better person who is well disciplined and maintained' is unclear in reference. Also, the transition from the first body paragraph to the second is abrupt.
How to Improve
Use more varied linking words (e.g., 'Firstly', 'Furthermore', 'Nevertheless') to show relationships between ideas. After presenting a counterargument, explicitly state how it relates to your position (e.g., 'Although this point is often made, it does not prove that women are naturally better because...'). Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that sentences flow logically within paragraphs.
Lexical Resource6
Evaluation
The vocabulary is adequate for the task, with some topic-specific terms (e.g., 'parenting', 'gender-based role', 'emotional connection', 'nurture'). However, there are several lexical errors and awkward choices: 'extend' instead of 'extent', 'maintained' used incorrectly to describe discipline, 'advices' instead of 'advice' (uncountable), 'men and women attention' (missing possessive). The range of vocabulary is limited, and some phrases are repetitive (e.g., 'parenting' used multiple times). Overall, lexical control is moderate.
Examples
Error: 'to a greater extend' (should be 'extent'). Awkward: 'children who are brought up with both men and women attention' (should be 'with attention from both men and women' or 'both parents' attention').
How to Improve
Expand your vocabulary by learning synonyms for common words (e.g., 'raising children', 'child-rearing', 'upbringing'). Use collocations naturally (e.g., 'provide guidance', 'form a bond', 'take responsibility'). Proofread to eliminate basic errors like 'extend/extent' and 'advices'. Vary sentence openings to avoid repetition.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5.5
Evaluation
The essay uses a mix of simple and compound sentences but lacks complex structures. There are frequent grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement ('This helps them... who is...'), incorrect word form ('well disciplined and maintained'), comma splices ('because, they nurture'), and missing prepositions/possessives. The overall accuracy is inconsistent; while the meaning is generally clear, the errors reduce the impression of control. Punctuation also needs improvement.
Examples
Error: 'I agree with this statement to a greater extend that...' (missing 'that' after 'extend'? Actually 'extent that' is fine, but 'extend' is wrong. Also 'A good parent is someone who is patient, kind, and give valuable advices' – 'give' should be 'gives' to agree with 'someone').
How to Improve
Practice using relative clauses, conditionals, and passive structures. Review subject-verb agreement, especially with singular/plural nouns. Work on correcting common errors (e.g., uncountable nouns, possessive forms). After writing, check each sentence for grammatical accuracy. Reading well-written essays can help model correct syntax.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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