This Band 6 IELTS essay discusses the relocation of businesses to alleviate urban congestion and housing issues. While it presents relevant arguments, it struggles with clarity and coherence due to weak transitions and frequent grammatical errors. Understanding these aspects will help enhance your writing skills.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) · Urban Planning · 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay addresses the topic of relocating businesses from urban to rural areas and its potential benefits for reducing traffic congestion and housing issues in cities. While the response provides relevant points and examples, it lacks depth in exploring the opposing view and contains grammatical errors that impact clarity and coherence.
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To solve traffic jam and accommodation problem of the town large companies and their employees are removing from city to countryside. It is true that cities are becoming overpopulated due to employment opportunities. The problems are escalating at alarming rate, contributing to growing sense of despair among general public and negatively impact on environment. I strongly agree that relocating mills and factories from urban areas to village is an effective solution.
On the one hand, There are a plethora of reasons why individuals believe that removing the major companies and their staffs from city to village is extremely beneficial for city dwellers in terms of transportation and accommodation. This is primarily because people are moving from countryside to city for job opportunities, which is significantly responsible for excessive traffic congestion on the roads. Furthermore, overpopulation creates a substantial adverse impact on the housing, water, and public services. To cite an example, a group of researchers from the University of Cambridge recently published a report demonstrating that working opportunites in companies and industries resposible at around 60% for accomodation challenge and traffic problem in the town. This evidence clearly highlitgs that relocating companies from urban to villages is beneficial not only for reduce traffic problem but also increase the living standard in the city.
On the other hand, opponents contend that relocating mills and factories in the rural areas cause a profound negative effect on the environment of the village. A further notable detrimental impact of industrialization in the countriside is that it would be lead to deforestation, which has far-reaching consequenc on village ecosystems and biodiversity. Furthermore, when large businessess and their employees relocate in the village, it would be decline the economic growth of the town.
In conclusion, although these ideas have a considerable drawbacks, it is only possible solution to minimize the traffic jam and accommodation issues of towns.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
7 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| opportunites | opportunities |
| resposible | responsible |
| accomodation | accommodation |
| highlitgs | highlights |
| countriside | countryside |
| consequenc | consequence |
| businessess | businesses |
Grammatical Mistakes
6 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| traffic jam and accommodation problem | traffic jam and accommodation problems | Plural noun needed to match 'problems' mentioned later in the sentence. |
| at alarming rate | at an alarming rate | Article 'an' is missing before 'alarming rate'. |
| impact on environment | impact on the environment | Definite article 'the' is needed. |
| increase the living standard | increase the standard of living | Correct collocation for describing improvement in living conditions. |
| considerable drawbacks | considerable drawbacks, | Comma needed after 'drawbacks' for proper clause separation. |
| it is only possible solution | it is the only possible solution | Definite article 'the' is needed before 'only possible solution'. |
Vocabulary Improvements
3 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| moving from countryside to city | migrating from rural areas to urban centers | More precise terms for clarity and academic tone. |
| growing sense of despair | increasing sense of concern | A more appropriate expression for the context as it avoids emotional exaggeration. |
| profound negative effect | significant adverse impact | Using 'impact' instead of 'effect' aligns better with academic writing conventions. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6.5
Evaluation
The essay addresses the question by agreeing with the relocation of businesses as a solution to urban problems. It provides a clear position, support, and includes a counterpoint.
Examples
The essay mentions the impact of employment on urban congestion and cites a study from the University of Cambridge.
How to Improve
Explore the counterargument in more detail and provide a more balanced discussion on both potential benefits and drawbacks.
Coherence & Cohesion6
Evaluation
The response is organized logically with clear paragraphing, but transitions between ideas are weak in some areas.
Examples
The link between overpopulation and public services could be more explicitly connected to the argument.
How to Improve
Use clearer transition phrases to improve the logical flow between and within paragraphs.
Lexical Resource6
Evaluation
The essay uses a range of vocabulary; however, there are some spelling errors and awkward word choices.
Examples
Words like 'accomodation' and 'resposible' are misspelled, and phrases like 'the only possible solution' are overstated.
How to Improve
Improve accuracy by refining vocabulary usage and checking for spelling mistakes.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5.5
Evaluation
The essay attempts complex sentences but contains frequent grammatical errors that impact understanding.
Examples
Errors include 'a plethora of reasons why individuals believe' and 'it would be lead to deforestation.'
How to Improve
Focus on sentence structure and subject-verb agreement, and review use of articles and tenses.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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