This Band 6 IELTS essay discusses the relocation of businesses to alleviate urban congestion. While it presents relevant ideas, clarity and grammatical accuracy could be improved for a better score. Learn how to enhance your writing with targeted feedback.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) · Urban Planning · 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay meets the word count requirement, presenting a clear position on relocating businesses to alleviate urban congestion and housing issues. However, development of the main ideas lacks depth and clarity in certain sections, and grammatical inaccuracies affect the readability of the essay.
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I strongly argue that relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities.
First and foremost, rural development does not only spread services but also easy the burden of over crowding specific places. When big businesses and industries along with their workers are shifted into non busy enviroments, the number of people using vehicles in urban areas drops dramatically because this open doors to a formation of new cities elsewhere which divides populations into categories of where one's job is located.
Similarly, rural development facilitates growth as in housing and arrival of modern infrasturature into the newest locations. The shift from urban to rural most likely breaks the concentration of businesses, estates, hotels and other possible accomodation facilities from one lone city to another. This makes workers comfortable in their specific provinces and newly developed architectural towns.
On another hand, rural development opens doors to construction of new roads from the main cities to the places of new resettlement which widens the capacity of a city to diversify the provision of social services to its rural populations. For instance, providing education, banking and medi care to its rural areas.
In my perspective, I do believe that such a move is essential as it reduces the burden of over crowding specific places lowering the risks criminal activities and pandemic diseases. It can also open doors for diversification and distribution of modern businesses and infrasturature to every part of the country that needs attention.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
7 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| easy | ease |
| over crowding | overcrowding |
| enviroments | environments |
| infrasturature | infrastructure |
| accomodation | accommodation |
| medi care | medicare |
| belive | believe |
Grammatical Mistakes
4 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| rural development does not only spread services but also easy the burden | rural development not only spreads services but also eases the burden | Parallel structure and verb agreement: 'not only... but also' structure requires parallel verbs, and 'development' is singular requiring singular verbs |
| When big businesses and industries along with their workers are shifted into non busy environments | When big businesses and industries, along with their workers, are shifted into non-busy environments | Comma usage: Use commas to set off non-essential information |
| on another hand | on the other hand | Incorrect phrase: The correct idiomatic expression is 'on the other hand' |
| diversification and distribution of modern businesses and infrasturature to every part | diversification and distribution of modern businesses and infrastructure in every part | Preposition use: 'In' is more appropriate than 'to' for fixed locations |
Vocabulary Improvements
4 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| rural development does not only spread services but also easy the burden | rural development not only distributes services but also reduces the burden | More precise vocabulary: 'Distributes' and 'reduces' are more accurate and formal |
| open doors to a formation | enables the formation | More formal vocabulary: 'Enables' is more precise than 'open doors to' |
| open doors for diversification | encourages diversification | More precise vocabulary: 'Encourages' is more academically appropriate than 'open doors for' |
| modern businesses and infrasturature | contemporary businesses and infrastructure | Alternative vocabulary: 'Contemporary' is a more formal synonym for 'modern' |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay presents a clear opinion and attempts to support it with relevant ideas. However, the arguments are not fully developed and lack detailed explanation.
Examples
For instance, the assertion that 'rural development facilitates growth as in housing' could be expanded with examples or evidence.
How to Improve
To improve, provide more specific examples and explanations for each point made, ensuring a thorough discussion of the topic.
Coherence & Cohesion6.5
Evaluation
The essay maintains a logical flow and uses coherent paragraphs to address different aspects of the topic.
Examples
Transitional phrases like 'First and foremost', and 'On another hand' are used effectively. However, the connection between some ideas could be clearer.
How to Improve
Ensure each point is connected logically to the next, and consider using more varied linking devices to enhance the logical flow of the essay.
Lexical Resource6
Evaluation
The essay displays a range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, though there are some inaccuracies in word choice.
Examples
Words like 'enviroments' should be 'environments', and 'medi care' should be 'medical care'.
How to Improve
Expand your vocabulary to include more precise and varied words, and proofread your essay to correct lexical inaccuracies.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5.5
Evaluation
The essay includes a variety of sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors that hinder clarity.
Examples
Errors such as 'easy the burden' (should be 'ease') and 'infrasturature' (should be 'infrastructure') are present.
How to Improve
Focus on correcting grammatical mistakes and consider using more complex sentence structures correctly to improve grammatical range and accuracy.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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