This Band 6 IELTS essay explores the relocation of businesses to rural areas and highlights coherence and argument development issues. While the response addresses the topic, clearer structure and deeper analysis could significantly improve the overall quality.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) · Urban Planning · 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count and addresses the topic of relocating businesses to rural areas and its impact on urban traffic congestion and housing. However, the argument lacks depth and development in certain aspects. Some points are introduced but not fully explored. The essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of coherence, cohesion, lexical resource, and grammatical accuracy.
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First of all, relocating a big business from one place to another is a significant challenge. However, to some extent, shifting of big business and industries from urban areas to rural areas, is beneficial in order to reduce traffic jams and other serious issues because in urban areas there is more population and traffic. Industries and other such large factories require greater materials and other stuffs which are transported by the heavy duty vehicles which can result in traffic problems. Moreover, such vehicles release highly toxic and injurious smoke that poses a huge threat to the health of the population.
Although there are some benefits of shifting such large business setups from urban to rural areas, but in my opinion, this will pose a great threat to the rural environment because the smoke and other toxic chemicals released from such industries and factories will destroy the natural beauty of the area.
Many people, when tired from their work go to the rural areas to enjoy the nature and inhale the clean and green air in order to relax their mind for some time. So, when industries are shifted to such areas, they will also get polluted.
Moreover, it is difficult to transport necessary materials, tools, chemicals, machinery, etc to the remote places and requires greater cost and labour so this is also one of the reasons that these businesses should not be shifted to the rural areas. However, industries should make proper policies for sewage and waste in order to protect the environment of the city. The waste should be disposed off in a proper way and procedure for recycling should also be encouraged. Priority shoild be given to not to dispose off the waste and chemicals into the rivers because this issue is greatly affecting the health of the people living in the city.
Hence, such big industries and factories should remain near to the cities rather than shifting them to the rural areas and primary focus should be given to the waste management
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
2 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| stuffs | stuff |
| shoild | should |
Grammatical Mistakes
5 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| shifting of big business and industries | shifting big businesses and industries | Unnecessary use of 'of'; 'shifting' can directly take an object. |
| but in my opinion, this will pose | in my opinion, this will pose | Unnecessary use of 'but' after a complete previous statement. |
| these businesses should not be shifted to the rural areas | these businesses should not be shifted to rural areas | Unnecessary use of 'the' when referring to areas in general. |
| disposed off | disposed of | Incorrect phrase; the correct term is 'disposed of'. |
| near to the cities | near the cities | Incorrect preposition; 'near' does not require 'to'. |
Vocabulary Improvements
2 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| injurious smoke | harmful emissions | More precise; 'emissions' is more appropriate for industrial contexts. |
| go to the rural areas to enjoy the nature | visit rural areas to enjoy nature | More appropriate collocation; 'visit' is more precise, and 'enjoy nature' is more concise. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay responds to the task and presents a position, although it is not entirely clear to what extent the writer agrees or disagrees with the statement.
Examples
The essay mentions the potential negative impact on rural environments and difficulty in transporting materials, but doesn't fully develop these points.
How to Improve
Provide a clearer stance on the extent of agreement or disagreement and develop the supporting arguments with more specific examples and analysis.
Coherence & Cohesion6
Evaluation
The essay is logically organized but lacks a clear progression in some parts. Some ideas are not fully developed, leading to reduced cohesion.
Examples
The transition from discussing urban issues to rural impacts is abrupt, and some paragraphs lack topic sentences.
How to Improve
Improve coherence by clearly linking ideas and using paragraphs more effectively to give a more structured argumentation. Introduce each paragraph with a clear topic sentence.
Lexical Resource6
Evaluation
The vocabulary is sufficient to convey the main ideas but lacks sophistication and variety.
Examples
The essay uses phrases like 'shifting of big business' and 'polluted,' which are adequate but could be more varied.
How to Improve
Increase lexical range by incorporating more varied and precise vocabulary to express ideas more clearly and effectively.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy6
Evaluation
The essay demonstrates control over basic structures but contains some grammatical errors and lacks complex language structures.
Examples
There are errors such as 'shoild' and awkward constructions.
How to Improve
Work on grammatical accuracy by proofreading for errors and practicing more complex sentence structures to enhance the range.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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