This Band 6 IELTS essay discusses the opinion on relocating businesses from urban to rural areas. While it addresses the topic, issues in coherence, paragraphing, and grammatical accuracy hinder clarity. Learn more about how to enhance your writing in similar essays.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) Β· Urban Planning Β· 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
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Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count of 250 words (actual: 290 words) and addresses the prompt by disagreeing with the proposed solution. However, the argument is not fully developed, with some digressions into alternative solutions like E-Governance. Cohesion is affected by weak paragraphing and transitions. Vocabulary is adequate but with spelling errors, and grammar has several mistakes that occasionally hinder clarity.
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One of the remedy for the problems of traffic congestion and housing in big cities is to relocate businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas. In my opinion, the idea will not work. The reason is that it demands heavy costs, governmental policies, environmental issues, and modifications which creates complexities. However, it creates some relief to traffic congestion and housing spaces.
First of all, the advantages that it brings due to the movement of big industries is that it will make vast spaces or housing societies for the residents in cities moreover, it will also help in traffic congestion by minimizing the traffic crowd. Additionally, it accomodate more jobs for the people.
In contrast, this has adverse effects on the rural atmosphere, the relocation can bring many hazardous gases which can impact badly on people's well-being. Furthermore, these changes demand many financial support for constructing new industries, buildings and even the prices of infrastructure is sky-rocketing. In fact, this replacement asks the attention and wise decisions from authorities to ensure security and safety. Thus, this alternative is an option to eradicate housing and traffi urban issues but not the only solution to the problem.
Governement can fix these setbacks by ensuring the rules and policies implementation and this will work by E-Governance system where every officials and civilians will be accountable for their actions. This technology based system can be introduced in traffic rules as well housing sites. Indeed, this idea will be better as compared to the relocation.
Ultimately, shifting businesses and factories to villages is one of the solutions to reduce urban growing issues but there are more quick fix ideas which are not only cost benefit but reliable and easy to enact.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
3 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| accomodate | accommodate |
| traffi | traffic |
| Governement | Government |
Grammatical Mistakes
12 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| One of the remedy | One of the remedies | Article and pluralization: 'remedy' should be plural after 'one of the'. |
| which creates complexities | which create complexities | Subject-verb agreement: 'which' refers to plural elements like costs, policies, etc. |
| the advantages that it brings due to the movement of big industries is | the advantages that it brings due to the movement of big industries are | Subject-verb agreement: 'advantages' is plural and requires 'are'. |
| it accomodate more jobs | it accommodates more jobs | Subject-verb agreement: 'it' is singular and requires 'accommodates'. |
| demand many financial support | demand much financial support | Quantifier error: 'many' is for countable nouns; 'much' is for uncountable 'support'. |
| the prices of infrastructure is | the prices of infrastructure are | Subject-verb agreement: 'prices' is plural and requires 'are'. |
| asks the attention | requires attention | Verb preposition error: 'asks' should be 'requires' or 'asks for'. |
| every officials | every official | Determiner-noun agreement: 'every' requires a singular noun. |
| technology based system | technology-based system | Hyphen missing: compound adjective 'technology-based' should be hyphenated. |
| as well housing sites | as well as housing sites | Incomplete phrase: 'as well as' is the correct conjunction. |
| quick fix ideas | quick-fix ideas | Hyphen needed: 'quick-fix' is a compound adjective. |
| cost benefit | cost-effective | Incorrect phrase: should be an adjective like 'cost-effective' to describe ideas. |
Vocabulary Improvements
16 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| heavy costs | high costs | More precise: 'high costs' is a standard collocation in academic writing. |
| creates some relief | provides some relief | Better collocation: 'provides relief' is more commonly used. |
| housing societies | housing communities | More accurate: 'communities' is often used for residential areas in urban planning. |
| traffic crowd | traffic congestion | More standard term: 'traffic congestion' is the precise term for traffic problems. |
| accommodate more jobs | create more jobs | Standard phrase: 'create jobs' is the typical expression for job generation. |
| rural atmosphere | rural environment | More appropriate: 'environment' is better suited for discussing impacts on rural areas. |
| hazardous gases | toxic emissions | More specific: 'toxic emissions' is a common term for industrial pollutants. |
| impact badly on | negatively affect | More formal: 'negatively affect' is preferred in academic writing. |
| sky-rocketing | rising rapidly | Less informal: 'rising rapidly' is a more formal alternative. |
| asks the attention | requires attention | More formal verb: 'requires' is better for official or academic contexts. |
| wise decisions | informed decisions | More academic: 'informed decisions' suggests decisions based on knowledge and data. |
| eradicate | alleviate | Less absolute: 'alleviate' is more suitable for reducing problems like congestion and housing. |
| setbacks | challenges | More neutral: 'challenges' is often used in policy discussions. |
| quick fix ideas | short-term solutions | Less informal: 'short-term solutions' is a more formal phrase. |
| cost benefit | cost-effective | Correct adjective: 'cost-effective' means providing good value for the cost. |
| easy to enact | easy to implement | Standard phrase: 'implement' is commonly used for policies or solutions. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay takes a clear position in the introduction, stating that relocation 'will not work,' but this stance is not consistently maintained. It acknowledges advantages briefly but focuses on disadvantages, yet the conclusion suggests relocation is 'one of the solutions,' which weakens the disagreement. The discussion of government policies and E-Governance is somewhat off-topic as it does not directly relate to evaluating relocation.
Examples
Introduction: 'In my opinion, the idea will not work.' Conclusion: 'shifting businesses and factories to villages is one of the solutions...' The body paragraph on government solutions introduces E-Governance without linking it back to the main argument.
How to Improve
Maintain a clear and consistent stance throughout the essay. Fully develop reasons for disagreeing with relocation, such as costs, environmental impacts, and feasibility, without introducing unrelated alternatives. Ensure all points directly address the prompt and support your position.
Coherence & Cohesion5.5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, paragraph links are weak, and ideas are not logically connected. The flow from advantages to disadvantages to government solutions is abrupt, and cohesive devices are used inconsistently.
Examples
The first body paragraph discusses advantages, then 'In contrast' introduces disadvantages, but the next paragraph on government solutions starts without a clear transition. Phrases like 'Furthermore' and 'Thus' are used, but paragraph topics shift abruptly.
How to Improve
Use cohesive devices (e.g., however, therefore, consequently) more effectively to link paragraphs and ideas. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and focuses on one main point. Plan the essay structure so that arguments flow logically from introduction to conclusion.
Lexical Resource5.5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is sufficient for the topic, with attempts to use less common words (e.g., 'hazardous,' 'infrastructure,' 'eradicate'). However, there are noticeable spelling errors and some imprecise or informal word choices, which reduce clarity and appropriateness.
Examples
Misspellings: 'accomodate' (should be 'accommodate'), 'traffi' (should be 'traffic'), 'Governement' (should be 'Government'). Informal phrase: 'quick fix ideas' (better: 'immediate solutions' or 'practical measures').
How to Improve
Proofread carefully to correct spelling errors. Expand vocabulary by learning topic-specific terms and using them accurately. Avoid informal expressions in academic writing; opt for more formal alternatives. Practice using synonyms to avoid repetition.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5.5
Evaluation
Grammar is limited with frequent errors in sentence structure, subject-verb agreement, and article usage. Sentences are mostly simple, with attempts at complex sentences but mistakes that can obscure meaning.
Examples
Errors: 'One of the remedy' (should be 'One of the remedies'), 'which creates complexities' (subject-verb agreement issue), 'it accomodate more jobs' (should be 'it accommodates more jobs'), 'many financial support' (should be 'much financial support' or 'significant financial support'), 'asks the attention' (better: 'requires attention').
How to Improve
Review basic grammar rules, especially subject-verb agreement, articles, and prepositions. Practice writing complex sentences with correct clause structures. Proofread essays to identify and correct errors. Consider using grammar check tools for practice.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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